Reunion story

[apt.1103 series] untitled

2009-07-31T11:37:14Z

apt.1103, yunho and jaejoong. Just something that jumped me on the way to bed, thereby delaying my sleep. T_T Had just watched clips of Yunho filming his drama. So yeah, around present time. Sorta rough. Maybe I'll fix it once I get some sleep. Or not. XD Enjoy, goodnight.

Jaejoong looked up from the sound of the front door opening and then closing. He checked the time on the clock on the wall. The filming must have taken longer than expected. He understood how it went, as he had been in the same position almost a year ago. It was past two in the morning, everyone was asleep save for Yoochun who had holed himself up in the music room trying to work out a melody that had been nagging at him since morning.

Placing the shirt in his hands down, Jaejoong got up to see what was taking Yunho so long to get from the foyer to the bedrooms.

He padded down the hallway quietly, hearing muted piano sounds as he passed by the music room. He placed his hand on the flat surface of the door for a moment contemplating to see how Yoochun was doing, but thought better of it, not wanting to disturb him. Smiling, he continued on his way.

“Yunhoyah?” He called out once he was within earshot of the living room. He frowned when no one answered. He was sure he had heard right. A cold shiver ran down his spine at an errant thought and he quickly slapped his fingers against the light switch to illuminate the dark room.

There, against the front door, with one of his shoes still on, was Yunho. He sat with his back to the door, his eyes closed, his jaw gone slack with sleep.

Jaejoong tsked. “Leader-shii, I guarantee you your body’s going to hate you in the morning if you stay that way.”

The only response he got was a small twitch of Yunho’s fingers still holding onto his shoelaces.

“Hopeless,” Jaejoong murmured, as a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

He crossed the short distance to where Yunho sat, stopped in front of their leader and bent over to finish untying and removing his other shoe. Placing the shoes with the others, he wrapped his arms around Yunho’s waist and gently shook him awake. “Hey, you can’t sleep here.”

Yunho groaned and muttered something he didn’t catch, but at least he showed signs of being awake.

“Okay, stay with me, Yunhoyah. I can’t carry you all on my own. I know you’re heavier than you look.” Jaejoong grunted as he heaved Yunho to his feet.

“Shit!” Jaejoong cursed as the both of them slammed backward against the door.

“Yunho! Help me here.”

“Mm?” The small crash against the door did a good job at waking Yunho up. He looked around bewildered as if he didn’t know how he got home. “Jaejoongah?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Jaejoong confirmed as he pulled Yunho’s arm to rest around his neck. “We’re going to bed. You can’t sleep here.”

“Oh,” Yunho said slowly, seeming to not quite comprehend.

“Come on,” Jaejoong nudged. “Start walking.”

“…’kay.”

They made their way slowly, sometimes stumbling, across the living room and then down the hallway. Once they’ve reached Yunho’s bedroom, Jaejoong delivered Yunho to the bed and then rummaged around the drawers for some sleeping clothes.

“I’d tell you to take a shower first, but seeing as you can’t even manage to stand up on your own, I guess going to bed smelling of sweat would be a small sacrifice on your part.” Jaejoong told Yunho, although, really, with the other one passed out, he was mostly talking to himself.

Finding a shirt and a pair of sweatpants, he walked over to Yunho and began tugging, unbuttoning, and unzipping his clothes off. Slowly and with a lot of rolling Yunho to the side and gripping handful of cloth, Jaejoong was able to undress him.

“Maybe,” Jaejoong wiped at the small amount of sweat that had gathered on his forehead, “Maybe, sleeping in your underwear would be good enough, hm?” He asked the unresponsive person in the bed. “Ugh,” He groaned, “Fine. We wouldn’t want you catching a cold and possibly delaying your filming now would we? Or worse…working while you’re sick.” Jaejoong could see it happening. Unfortunately enough, or was it fortunately, they all possessed that same kind of stubbornness.

After managing to dress him pretty much the same way he had undressed him—with a lot of effort—Jaejoong looked down at their sleeping leader.

“Your make-up’s still on.” Jaejoong observed and then sighed as he walked to the bathroom to retrieve the bottle of make-up remover they had and a handful of cotton balls.

Sitting on the bed, he soaked a cotton ball with some of the clear liquid and began to wipe away the make-up caked onto Yunho’s face.

At the slight touch, Yunho’s eyes opened slowly and watched him work.

“Awake now?” Jaejoong asked, smirking.

“Not quite.”

“Mm,” Jaejoong hummed. “Well, don’t bother. I’ll finish up here. Just go to sleep.”

A gentle smile crossed Yunho’s face and he tiredly reached up and caught Jaejoong’s wrist, stopping his movements. “Thanks, Jaejoongah.”

“Don’t mention it,” Jaejoong answered automatically. He smiled down at Yunho, frowning a little at the darkness under his eyes that the cotton ball had uncovered.

Yunho continued to watch him.

Jaejoong tugged at his wrist, but not hard enough to escape Yunho’s warm hold. “Hey, you wanna sleep with that make-up on or what?”

“I missed you.” Yunho said, with his voice exhausted and with a gaze that seemed to be having a hard time focusing on Jaejoong’s face. “I missed all of you.”

Jaejoong snorted and slipped his wrist free from Yunho’s grasp. “If you have time to miss us, you must not be working hard enough.”

Yunho frowned. “No, I…” He looked to the side, at Jaejoong’s abandoned packing. At the shirts he had been debating on bringing to their apartment in Japan when Yunho had come home and interrupted him. “…I’ll miss you guys.” He finished, his words slurring.

Jaejoong soaked a new cotton ball and wiped along the line of Yunho’s jaw. “We’re only a phone call away. Besides, we’re together too much. It’s good to see other people once in a while…” He was saying as he worked around Yunho’s mouth, which has gone slack and was left wide open. He sighed, smiling as he looked up to confirm that Yunho had indeed fallen back asleep.

“I missed you today too.” Jaejoong said as he gently pushed some hair away from Yunho’s forehead. “And I’ll definitely miss you tomorrow as well.”

He finished up and then pulled the covers on top of Yunho, making sure he was positioned comfortably. He picked up Yunho’s dirty clothes and threw them into the hamper, and then he grabbed his luggage, shoved the two shirts into his bag and finished packing as quietly as he could. Even though, he was quite certain it would take a pretty loud noise to wake Yunho from his deep sleep, just in case, Jaejoong made sure to tread softly.

Oh his way to bed he checked on Yoochun, who was very much awake and didn’t even notice him opening the door. He let him be, seeing that same streak of stubbornness in his posture.

“Just a phone call away…” Jaejoong murmured to himself reassuringly as he made his way to his own bed.

~End

Thank you for reading.

[FIC] Never Again Part 18

2009-06-02T12:21:25Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 18/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: YunJaeHo, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship), Minsu (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17.

A movie was playing. Jaejoong starred in it. He was running across the long stretch of sand of an anonymous beach. His short hair flew in the wind as he called out a name at the top of his lungs.

Yunho had imagined his chest to be like the sands of that beach, where someone had scooped out a handful of it and left a hole there. And then he imagined the water of the ocean coming in and gradually bringing more sand into it, until the hole was filled. Until it even looked like there hadn't been a hole there to begin with.

For Yunho, that was how it felt like to be with Jaejoong.

Yunho groaned and buried his face in Jaejoong’s hair, embarrassed for his thoughts. Jaejoong would definitely laugh at him.

"What's wrong?" Jaejoong asked.

"Nothing, ignore me." He muttered.

Hoping to distract Jaejoong before he inquired any further, Yunho lifted his head and pointed out something he had noticed while watching the movie.

"Your hair’s longer.”

“Is it?” Jaejoong reached up and pulled along the length of his hair. The ends fell from his fingertips and brushed against the collar of his sweater. “Huh. I guess it is.”

They sat on Yunho’s living room floor, with a comforter covering their laps. Jaejoong sat in front of Yunho, his back resting against Yunho’s chest. It was snowing outside.

Most days, if Yunho wasn’t working, he was with Jaejoong. Somehow, the everyday matters of his life had shifted around and made room for Jaejoong just as easily and naturally as...Yunho smirked, hair growth. He combed his fingers through Jaejoong’s hair and then stretched his thumb and index finger outward to see how much it had grown. He smiled to himself. It was a little unbelievable to think that he’d known Jaejoong for that amount of time already.

“When was the last time you had it cut?” Yunho asked.

Jaejoong’s shoulders drew up in a careless shrug.

“I don’t remember.” Jaejoong answered in that tone Yunho had learned meant he didn’t want to.

He brought his arms closer around Jaejoong's waist and pressed his cheek against the back of Jaejoong's head. “Are you going to keep it this way?”

Jaejoong was quiet for a bit, seeming to be paying attention to the screen. During a lull in the movie, when all that could be heard was the crashing waves of the ocean, he asked Yunho, “Do you like it?”

Yunho straightened at the unexpected question. He brought his hand from around Jaejoong's waist and picked out a lock of hair from the bunch.

“Does…that matter?” He asked carefully.

Jaejoong remained still, and then he nodded his head.

"Oh," Yunho hid the goofy smile threatening to split his face. He parted the dark strands of hair covering Jaejoong’s neck and placed a soft kiss on the exposed skin, planting the goofy smile there.

“Then…Maybe keep it like this for now, so it keeps your neck warm,” He suggested.

“Okay,”

“…Really?” Yunho asked, gently grasping Jaejoong’s chin and turning his head to the side so that their gazes met.

“Really?” He asked again to make sure.

Jaejoong chuckled.

“What if I asked you to cut it tomorrow?” Yunho tested.

Jaejoong frowned. “Then I’ll cut it tomorrow.”

“Oh.” He got his breath taken away. “Ah, but!” He added flustered. “Don’t cut it, you’ll be cold.”

And Jaejoong was looking very amused.

“Okay, I won’t. It’s just hair.”

Yunho nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. But, um, keep it like this for now,” He said softly, almost shyly, “So you won’t be cold.”

Jaejoong smiled at him.

“Okay,”

“R-really?”

In the end, Jaejoong did laugh at him, even if it's for a slightly different reason.

On the television screen, Jaejoong’s character stood knee-deep in the waters of the anonymous beach. He held his hand out to the person standing a few feet away from him. His skin was tinted a rusty sunset by the sinking day. His fingers were turned up just so, almost as if he held a heart in his open palm, and rushing just beneath his fingertips is the salty and unending waves of the ocean.

“Do you miss it?” Yunho asked while he poured tea into a cup. Once it was filled, he slid it across the kitchen island to Jaejoong.

“Miss what?” Jaejoong asked, accepting the hot drink.

Yunho grabbed another cup from the shelves behind him and then poured some tea for himself as well.

“Acting,” He clarified, nodding his head toward the living room where the next movie was put on pause.

Jaejoong shrugged and rested his forearms on the island’s surface. He spun his cup slowly, its bottom making tiny scraping noises. “A little, I guess. Like how you miss something you used to do.”

Yunho frowned. “You’re not going to do it anymore?”

Jaejoong kept his gaze on the cooling tea, and then gave another unhelpful shrug.

“Jaejoong…” Yunho began to ask, concerned, but at the sound of his name, Jaejoong looked up, and smiled in a pleased way.

Yunho’s cheeks felt hot, his entire face did. It was as if someone had placed a glass bowl over his head and the heat got trapped inside.

Jaejoong moved around the kitchen island so that he stood in front of Yunho. With that smile still on his lips, he rested their foreheads together.

“Say that again?” He asked of Yunho, his voice soft.

Feeling the heat of his cheeks spread further outward and hoping he doesn't melt through the floor, Yunho indulged him.

“Jaejoong,” He whispered against Jaejoong’s approaching mouth.

“Again,” Jaejoong said, his eyes falling close. He brought his arms around Yunho’s neck. His shirt rode up.

Yunho wrapped his arms around Jaejoong and pulled him toward his body, his fingers caressing toned and heated skin.

“Jaejoong…” Yunho repeated, closing his eyes too.

Jaejoong made a pleased sound as he kissed Yunho’s lips softly. He brushed their noses together--nuzzling and then kissed him again.

And then at the wet press of Jaejoong’s tongue against his lips, Yunho complied and parted them. Gently, he sucked Jaejoong’s warm tongue into his mouth. It moved and slid against his own in just that way that made his body stiffen, and feel like his bones had turned to liquid at the same time.

He shivered from Jaejoong’s kisses, lost his breath for them. Sucking in some air, he pulled Jaejoong closer, maybe because he’d morph out of shape and condense into the cold air, if he didn’t hold onto him tightly enough.

Jaejoong pulled away for a second, seeming breathless himself. “Again, Yunho...” He gasped against Yunho's mouth.

“Jaejoongah,” Yunho moaned as Jaejoong’s mouth once again robbed his ability to think and he forgot to ask why Jaejoong didn’t want to act anymore.

The early winter weather persisted and it was snowing almost everyday. There was frost on his windows, if he looked closely, he could see the tiny snowflakes trapped and frozen against the glass. The sound of things seemed more muffled in the winter, maybe because of the snow. It covered things behind half-closed eyelids and unsmiling lips. Things like feelings and thoughts. It made Yunho nervous.

As the snow fell sullenly from the sky, it made button-sized shadows on the floor and across Jaejoong’s body.

Yunho sat by Jaejoong, a blanket around his shoulders, while Jaejoong was lying down on the comforter on the floor. By the balcony door, so close to the glass, they could smell the cold.

Jaejoong’s eyes remained fixed on the falling snowflakes outside. Sometimes, when Jaejoong was like this, it felt like nothing could touch him, not even Yunho.

Yunho followed the dark spots moving across Jaejoong’s skin, on his sweater, on his face. He went from counting them quietly to just watching Jaejoong. Right now, he was watching Jaejoong make that face again.

“What are you thinking about?” Yunho asked.

“Thinking about you.” Jaejoong answered quickly.

Yunho chuckled. “Liar.”

A tiny smile graced Jaejoong’s lips. “You can’t prove that.”

“What if I can?” Yunho reached out and tugged at the blanket on top of Jaejoong, so that it covered more of him.

“How will you prove it?”

Removing his hand from the blanket, Yunho sought out Jaejoong's hand. He missed him, seeming so far away.

“I can guess what you were really thinking of instead.”

The smile on Jaejoong’s lips turned down a little. He took a deep cleansing breath. He looked a little tired. Yunho wondered where he was, watching the snow fall like that.

“I was thinking…about having a snowball fight.” Jaejoong explained.

Yunho smiled at the idea.

“All five of us. You and I on the same team. Junsu, Changmin, and Yoochun in the other.”

Yunho leaned forward. “Who would win?”

Jaejoong grinned and finally turned his head to meet Yunho’s eyes. “Not us.”

Yunho laughed.

“You weren’t really thinking about me then.” He confirmed, once his laughter gave way to silence.

“I was.” Jaejoong insisted.

Yunho raised an eyebrow, playfully unconvinced.

“I was thinking of how you would be the first one down, because you would show off too much, and we’d lose immediately.”

Yunho snorted. “But you’d still be there to guard the fort.”

Jaejoong shook his head grimly. “Our defeat would be swift and pathetic.”

Yunho mirrored the grin on Jaejoong’s face. They've begun making these, memories with Yoochun in them. The memories probably hurt Jaejoong more than it did him, but they also made Jaejoong smile, which was the most important thing.

“In the spring...let’s go to the beach.” Jaejoong suggested.

Yunho hid his surprise and nodded his head instead. “We can do that. Stay for a couple of days. Watch the sun rise. What do you think?”

“Sounds good.” Jaejoong smiled up at him.

Yunho opened his mouth to say something more when the phone rang from down the hall and interrupted him.

“I’ll be back,” He said, squeezing Jaejoong’s hand before letting go.

He jogged down the hallway and answered the call on the third ring.

“Hello? Oh, hey Changminah, what is it?”

He listened to Changmin’s voice on the other line, nodded, and then spoke up when he realized Changmin couldn’t see him. Changmin asked him if they had needed anything, since he and Junsu were in the grocery store. Yunho recalled what they had run out off and listed them off for Changmin. Three minutes into the call, he heard the sound of the balcony door sliding open. He paused and looked down the hallway, Changmin was asking him something.

“I think we have some more of that,” Yunho said as he waited for any more sounds to come from the living room. He strained his ears, but there was nothing. On the other end of the line, he could hear the noise of the grocery store; people and cash registers. He could hear Junsu talking to Changmin.

“Changminah,” Yunho bit his bottom lip. “Let me call you back, okay?”

He had hung up even before Changmin had a chance to reply. His feet hit the floorboards a little too loud as he quickly made his way back to the living room. He didn’t know why it felt like his heart was at his throat, but the feeling just made him walk faster.

“Jaejoongah?” He called as he took a quick turn and stepped into the living room.

Jaejoong stood by the open balcony door. The cool winter air had seeped inside the room and made it cold. Yunho swallowed his heart back down to its proper place.

Sometimes...

“Hey,” He smiled carefully when Jaejoong turned around to face him. “Aren’t you cold?”

He reached out and pulled Jaejoong into a hug as soon as he was close enough, shivering at how cold Jaejoong had become.

Yunho rested his chin on Jaejoong’s shoulder as he held him, his quiet sigh of relief escaping into the cold air.

“What is it?” Jaejoong asked. “Did something happen?”

Yunho shook his head and smiled even though Jaejoong couldn’t see. “Changmin called. He was asking if we needed anything. They’re on their way. They just stopped by the grocery store.”

“Oh,” Jaejoong said. He drew his arms around Yunho too and held him closer. “You okay? You’re shaking.”

Yunho tried a chuckle, but it came out a little strangled. “Just cold. Can we close this?” He moved away from their embrace and looked at Jaejoong.

Jaejoong’s eyes, a little darker than usual, searched his. Yunho smiled reassuringly and Jaejoong slid the balcony door close.

Sometimes, when there was too much snow, he couldn’t hear his thoughts too. But he heard fragments. Sweet things, but also scary things, like different ways he could lose Jaejoong.

Their official second date didn’t turn out as Yunho had planned. In his excitement, he forgot that other than him and Jaejoong, and Changmin and Junsu too, that other people had existed, and that to them, Jaejoong was quite well-known. They didn’t end up skating.

Jaejoong held a cup of hot chocolate to his lips. The steam from the drink rose around him and was quickly blown away by the frigid wind. Snow from the tree’s branches drifted around them and added to the pile that was starting to collect on their coats and hair.

Sitting back on the park bench, Yunho captured all this with his camera phone, tilting here and there so that he could fit as much of Jaejoong and most of the background into the small frame.

“How’s your hot chocolate, Kim Jaejoong-sshi?” He asked, mimicking an interviewer’s voice.

Jaejoong smiled as he glanced sideways at him. “It’s pretty good. Kinda sweet, though.”

Yunho shifted in his seat and tried to capture the sun shining behind Jaejoong, so that his hair was a little golden around the edges.

“Sorry,”

Jaejoong moved, and for a second, all Yunho had was the sun shining into the frame, and then he found Jaejoong again.

“You’re forgiven.” Jaejoong winked at him. He reached for the phone. The shadow of his hand made everything black.

Yunho surrendered the phone to Jaejoong's clutches and suddenly, Jaejoong was the cameraman and he was the one being filmed.

Yunho looked a little self-consciously at the tiny camera recording every movement he made. He asked, “How do you look so calm in front of all those cameras?”

“Hmmm,” Jaejoong looked thoughtful as he moved the phone close to Yunho’s eyes, zooming in, and then downward to capture his lips and then lower to capture his fingers holding his cup of hot chocolate.

“You get used to it, I guess. Or maybe you have to naturally like to be in front of a camera…Crave it, you know? Actually,” He informed Yunho, “I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

Yunho laughed and Jaejoong made sure to capture that too. For his next question, Yunho looked beyond the lense and into the cameraman’s eyes.

The memory of his voice in the kitchen a few days ago overlapped his voice now.

“Do you miss it?” He asked once again.

“Miss what?” Jaejoong stalled.

“Being in front of a camera.”

Jaejoong looked at him, quietly recording.

Yunho was about to take the question back when Jaejoong turned the phone over so that he filmed himself. He smiled into it and then flipped it close.

“I do.” He answered Yunho’s question at last. “Yeah, I do,” He repeated for himself.

“Then,” Yunho watched him. “Why don’t you start making movies again?”

"Hm," Jaejoong nodded, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. “Because that would be cheating, I think.”

“Because…,” Jaejoong murmured. “It wouldn't be fair if I’m having fun and he’s not.”

“But Junsu--” Yunho began to say.

“Junsu, can do whatever he wants!” Jaejoong said and then looked at Yunho worriedly, fearing that he had answered a little too sharply.

Yunho smiled encouragingly at him and just listened.

“I…can do whatever I want to as well. And it’s not that I want to stop making movies. It’s just that,” Jaejoong lowered his gaze. “Making movies, I had thought it was something we would do together, Yoochun and I, until we got sick of it and then we’d move on and do something else. But always together...”

Jaejoong smiled bitterly. “It’s not fun to make movies alone.”

Yunho nodded his head, and let Jaejoong's explanation sink in.

After a while, “…Hey,” Jaejoong nudged Yunho’s feet with his. “As my fan, what would you like me to do?”

Yunho smiled softly and nudged him back. “To make movies again.”

“As my friend?”

“Hmm," Yunho hummed. "To do whatever would make you happy.”

Jaejoong scuffed at the frozen ground soundly.

“As my...”

Yunho waited, but Jaejoong fell silent. He looked away from Jaejoong’s feet and found that Jaejoong was looking elsewhere. He stared at the back of Jaejoong’s head, at the flakes of snow clinging to the dark strands. Yunho thought about it.

“Same answer. For you to do whatever would make you happy.”

Jaejoong acknowledge his answer with a nod.

“Happiness…That’s,” Jaejoong scoffed. “Happiness, huh?” He sighed the word as he looked up at the winter sky. The seconds that passed, trickled by slowly, sluggishly, like water freezing.

“You know what I was wondering the other day?”

Yunho remembered Jaejoong standing by the balcony door, his skin cold and his eyes dark.

“What?” He asked.

“It just got me thinking, you know? There are all these good things...Even though he--I was wondering if I was allowed to have that...Happiness. I was wondering,” Jaejoong said as he turned away from the winter sky and looked into Yunho’s eyes, “I was wondering if I was allowed to have you, Yunho.”

In that moment, Yunho wondered if oceans could freeze as suddenly as his heart had. If tides had ever receded and never returned.

The wind was picking up, the temperature was dropping. Yunho could feel it in his bones, in his chest. The wind blew through him and froze the selfish words he wanted to speak.

It was piling up, his fears.

They stood in the spiraling stairwell of Yunho’s apartment building. Light from outside, fractured and cold, filtered in through the large windows situated on each floor.

It was snowing again. There were those pebble-sized shadows once more. This time they spotted the wall Jaejoong leaned against as Yunho covered his shivering body with his own.

Yunho sought Jaejoong’s lips, they still trembled from the cold. He kissed them softly, unhurriedly, pulling the bottom lip into his mouth, letting go, and then kissing Jaejoong fully, feeling Jaejoong kiss back.

Then his mouth traveled downward, to kiss along the length of Jaejoong’s neck. He sucked on it lightly, licking at the strong pulse, felt it beat against his tongue. Shifting closer, he reached up and buried his fingers into Jaejoong’s hair. It was damp from melted snow.

Jaejoong's breath hitched, his fingers gripped Yunho’s coat.

It was all Yunho could hear. Sound was leaving, everything was leaving, everything but Jaejoong. The snow, the steps, the wall, the slowly descending spots of shadows were melting away, dissipating into something that didn’t matter. All that mattered were the hush and rustle of their moving bodies, Jaejoong’s gasps in the thinning air, Jaejoong’s taste on his tongue.

Yunho took a deep breath and kissed Jaejoong’s neck tenderly before moving up to kiss him on the lips again, and then he pulled away just enough to look into Jaejoong’s eyes. They were closed and he waited for them to open. When they did, Yunho was a little terrified at the darkness of them, at the quiet pull of them. They weren’t dark like any color he could name. They were dark like the bottom of the ocean that he’d never seen, fathomless and life-changing.

And then his knees gave out.

“What the--?” Yunho gasped just as Jaejoong caught him and his face got buried against Jaejoong’s chest.

He made no sudden movements. He shook his legs out to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong with them. They seemed perfectly fine.

There came a rumbling sound from Jaejoong’s chest. It grew louder and louder, and then Jaejoong was laughing. It was a loud and freeing sound. It shattered the silence of the stairwell. Jaejoong's body shook so much from laughing that he wasn’t able to stand and hold Yunho up anymore. His back started to slide down the wall, and then they were a messy heap of arms and legs on the cold steps.

Yunho sat up and glared at Jaejoong.

Jaejoong met his glare and covered his mouth to try to smother the laughter, but a few peals and wheezes still managed to escape.

“Stop laughing. It wasn’t that funny.” He poked Jaejoong’s cheek and pouted accordingly. “Shouldn’t you be concerned instead? My legs gave out.”

That set off another series of laughter.

Yunho snorted and had to admit it was sort of funny, albeit embarrassing. Definitely, positively embarrassing.

Jaejoong’s amusement faded eventually. It slowed down to a few more snickers and then it finally settled into a quiet and delighted smile.

“What?” Yunho was afraid to ask.

“I made you weak in the knees.” Jaejoong grinned.

Yunho found that cheek again and poked it. “Bet you can't do it twice."

Jaejoong seemed to be up for the challenge, judging from the interesting smile he was wearing.

Yunho shook his head and continued to watch Jaejoong quietly.

Jaejoong seemed to catch on to his mood and tilted his head in question. “What?”

“You’re happy, right?”

He had braced himself, but it still scared him when Jaejoong’s smile slipped a little.

Jaejoong gave a short and cautious nod.

“Then,” Yunho asked, as he sought and held Jaejoong’s gaze like the other man had done earlier that day.

His knees felt weird, like there was an invisible force pushing against it. Like moving water. He took a deep breath. It was as if he held his hand out, his heart on his open palm, while the engulfing waters of the ocean rushed just beneath his fingertips. He could drop his heart, and drown. It felt just like that.

“Then, if you’re happy…even if just a little…being with me. Don’t you think that would be alright?”

Jaejoong seemed to wilt and Yunho had caught his troubled expression just before he looked away.

Yunho’s question hung in the air. His palm was wet, despite the coldness around them.

Yunho didn't stop watching Jaejoong. He watched as a soft, yet bittersweet kind of smile formed on Jaejoong’s lips. It was a stifling sight.

And then after what felt like a small eternity, Jaejoong sighed, and said nothing. He quietly took Yunho’s hand in his, helped him to his feet, and pulled him forward as he started to climb the stairs. Yunho frowned at Jaejoong’s silent back, but he still moved his legs and followed suit.

Their footsteps echoed as they as climbed past the floors of his apartment building. Each harrowing sound seemed to count the seconds of silence between them.

Yunho gritted his teeth, clenched his hand, and then suddenly remembered that he had been holding Jaejoong’s hand and looked down at how strongly he was holding onto him. But Jaejoong didn’t let go.

“Jaejoongah?” He called.

Yunho remembered what he had told Changmin those months ago. He remembered making up that person, making sure there was no such person in existence. If they didn’t exist then he couldn’t hold onto that person. But…

Jaejoong stopped climbing up the stairs and remained silent.

..What if he found that person?

Jaejoong glanced down at him with that same bittersweet smile.

…And Yunho still couldn’t hold onto him?

“Want to help me count?” Jaejoong asked softly.

“Count what?” Yunho began to loosen his hold on Jaejoong’s hand. He looked away from that gaze, that smile.

“My happiness.” He heard Jaejoong say.

“I don’t understand,” Yunho whispered.

“Well,” Jaejoong began as he moved down to the same step that Yunho occupied. He slowly wrapped his arms around Yunho’s chest, and embraced him. His hands curling around and gripping the fabric of Yunho's coat. "Because,” He whispered shakily against Yunho’s ear, “We’re actually speaking about quite a bit of happiness here, Yunho, being with you. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to have this much... So maybe” He suggested conspiringly, “if you made me angry at you a little, then I won’t be so happy.”

Yunho seemed to surface from something heavy that had been pulling him down and then the frown that had started, eased away. Yunho smiled against Jaejoong’s shoulder. He moved his arms stiffly, a bit unsure, and hugged Jaejoong in return.

“I’ll try my best to make you angry.” He held Jaejoong tighter. “I’ll cook you dinner once we get upstairs and I guarantee that you would not be impressed.”

Jaejoong chuckled against his ear.

Yunho squeezed his eyes shut. “I’ll make you wash the dishes alone.”

He could feel Jaejoong’s body shake with more laughter. “And then I’ll use the cup you just washed and add it to the pile again.”

Jaejoong squeezed just as tightly, hiding his face against Yunho’s neck. “You better.” He threatened.

Yunho nodded and held onto Jaejoong.

“I promise.”

Thank you for reading.

[FIClet] Don't drink the water [One shot, yunjae]

2009-06-02T07:23:40Z

Title: Don’t drink the water
Main pairing: Yunjae
Genre: CRACK, questionable mpreg
AN: They're in the bathroom again. Hm. Uh, bathroom pov, or something. Anyway, this is what happens to your brain if you’re editing too hard. It runs away and gets Jaejoong pregnant. Enjoy.

Jaejoong ran to the bathroom, his knees banging against the tiled floor as he planted his hands on the toilet seat and promptly threw up the contents of his stomach.

Changmin happened by during the purging process and with a look of disgust, asked, “Are you pregnant?”

Jaejoong lifted his head to say something a little too unrefined for the early morning hour, but was interrupted by another surge of vomit rising up his throat. He emptied his stomach into the porcelain bowl once again until it felt like nothing else was going to come up.

“Can’t be,” He balked. “W-we were safe—Wait a minute”, He growled. “How come I’m the one that gets pregnant!? I’m a man!” He looked down to make sure.

Changmin casually leaned on the doorframe and asked, “Who was bottom more?”

At this point, Junsu walked in with his eyes still half-open and began to unzip his pants, ready to aim at the toilet bowl, except Jaejoong was still sitting in front of it.

“Hey!” Jaejoong yelled, “Put that away!”

“Huh?” Junsu asked still not comprehending. “What am I doing in the kitchen?”

“You’re not in the kitchen, genius. You’re in the little boy’s room.” Changmin helped.

“Well that’s what I thought…So what the hell are you guys doing here?” Junsu walked to stand in front of the toilet bowl and nudged Jaejoong out of the way with his foot. Before he fully unzipped his pants he looked down at the bowl to make sure he didn’t miss.

“Oh yuck, flush, hyung! I don’t need to see your business!”

“Hey!” Jaejoong protested. “That’s not my business, that’s puke!”

“Wha?” Junsu scrunched up his nose as he now got a good whiff of it. “Ugh, why is there vomit in the toilet?”

“Hyung’s pregnant.” Changmin was very helpful that morning.

“He’s what?” Yoochun asked as he walked up to the room, a towel and a change of clothes in his hands.

“Hey, Junsu, are you gonna do anything with that anytime soon?” Yoochun pointed to Junsu’s hands on his zipper.

“I’m planning to, but there’s puke in the toilet.”

“So?” Yoochun squeezed in beside Changmin and now occupied the other side of the doorframe.

“It’s wrong…To mix stuff. That one’s Jaejoong-hyung’s.”

Yoochun and Changmin turned to look at each other.

“Don’t talk about me when I’m right in front of you!” Junsu complained.

“We’re not.”

“Don’t mind-talk about me when I’m right in front of you!” He clarified.

“I can’t be pregnant…” Jaejoong said shakily from his place on the floor. He lifted his shirt and ran a hand down his toned abdomen. “I won’t be able to fit into my tight pants!”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Changmin asked drily. “I’d be worried about taking care of the kid while we’re on tour, hyung.”

Jaejoong blinked up at him. “Why? I have sisters and dog-sitters. I’m sure they won’t mind taking care of her.”

“Her?” Junsu raised his eyebrow. “How’d you know it’s a her?”

Jaejoong frowned and looked down at his stomach, caressing it. “I don’t know…I just know, you know?”

“What about me?” Yunho popped his head in between Yoochun and Changmin. “Ugh, why does it smell in here?” He looked down at the toilet. “Junsu, flush your doodoo will ya? The world doesn’t need to know about it. Minus ten charisma points for you.” He tsked.

“What?!” Junsu squawked. “Ten? You only took away five from Yoochun when he got his toenail clippings into your sandwich last night! No fair!” And then his eyes widened some more as if realizing just now that he had been accused of making doodoo. “And it’s not my doodoo! It’s Jaejoong-hyungs! Hah!” He turned swiftly and pointed a finger at Jaejoong. “Minus ten points for you!”

“It’s not doodoo, idiot. It’s puke.” Jaejoong reminded him, still caressing his abs.

“Jaejoongah,” Yunho looked concerned. “Why did you throw up? Are you okay?”

Jaejoong glared at him icily. He pushed up from the floor and jabbed an accusing finger in Yunho’s direction. “Yeah, it’s called morning sickness, you ass! You got me pregnant!”

“Can I be her godfather?” Yoochun chose this time to ask. There was a reason why he always got some of the best clothes.

“Hey! No fair, I wanted to be the godfather!” Junsu stomped his foot as if that would get him his way.

Yunho on the other hand was doing the best imitation of a fish out of water and succeeding quite well. “But…we were safe!” He said disbelieving.

“Well, apparently not safe enough, now what are you going to do about it!?” Jaejoong yelled in frustration.

“I…” Yunho’s forehead bunched up with the full impact of Jaejoong’s question. “Of course I’m gonna take care of you, baby. I’ll marry you…I’d do whatever I have to do! He pushed his way in through the blocked doorway and walked determinedly toward Jaejoong. “Whatever you want, baby. Name it, I’ll do it!” At this point he stood toe to toe with Jaejoong, his arms open, palms turned up, ready for anything Jaejoong would throw at him.

Jaejoong looked into Yunho’s eyes and a reluctant, but quickly becoming pleased smile pulled at his lips. “I haven’t said yes to marrying you yet, asshole.” But judging by his smile, he had agreed already.

“Jaejoongah!” Yunho hugged him and made to kiss him, but stopped a second short of touching Jaejoong’s lip. “Ew,” He scrunched up his nose at the acidic smell of vomit on Jaejoong’s lips.

“Aw, sorry, baby. Hold on.”

The four members of Dong bang shin ki watched as Jaejoong brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth with mouth wash about four times in succession and then brushed it again for the second time just to be sure. He blew at Junsu’s face, who happened to be the closest.

“How is it?”

Junsu sniffed the air. “Less pukey.”

“Oh good.” Jaejoong grinned and threw himself at Yunho.

“Yunhoyah!” He said happily.

“Jaejoongah!” Yunho returned. He picked up Jaejoong and spun him just as happily.

Jaejoong’s laughter bounced off the resonant walls of their bathroom.

Changmin having seen enough of this idiocy way before he had his morning cereal, walked over to the toilet. He peered down at the contents and addressed the two twirling parents-to-be.

“Jaejoong-hyung, what did you eat last night?”

“Huh?” Jaejoong tapped Yunho to stop twirling him for a bit. “That thing in the green bowl at the back of the fridge. What about it?”

Junsu and Yoochun wore similar expressions of ‘he’s an idiot, definitely an idiot’.

Changmin being the patient one explained. “You’re not pregnant. You just ate something you didn’t even know the name of.” Although, at this point, probably ‘that thing’ would be the best name for it.

“We’re…” Yunho put Jaejoong down. “We’re not pregnant?” His words dripped with true disappointment.

“No.” Changmin made sure there was no doubt about it.

“Jaejoongah,” Yunho sniffed. “We’re not…”

Jaejoong kissed Yunho’s cheek sweetly. “It’s okay, baby. We could keep trying.”

“Yeah?” Yunho perked up immediately.

“Yeah…” Jaejoong said, resting his forehead against Yunho’s.

“Okay,” Yunho seemed relieved. “But not this morning though, we have to be out of here in half an hour and Junsu hasn’t even peed yet.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jaejoong nodded, totally understanding.

The pair walked out of the bathroom together discussing the day’s schedule and the good times to ‘try’.

Yoochun shook his head. “I worry about those two.” He said.

“Yeah,” Junsu agreed. “I mean, how could they be thinking of having a baby right now. We’re in the middle of a tour and we’re going to work on our next album soon.”

Yoochun and Changmin were doing that mind-talking again.

“Stop mind-talking about me!”

Changmin sighed. He needed some food. And left the pair in the bathroom.

Yoochun slipped out of his clothes quickly and stepped into the shower, sliding the doors close.

Junsu flushed the toilet.

“Junsu!” Yoochun howled as the water turned freezing cold.

“Ack! Sorry. I had to clear the water!”

“Could have warned me, you know?”

Junsu zipped up and walked to the sink to wash his hands. “Hey, Yoochunah.”

“Yeah?” Yoochun answered from the shower stall.

“When do you think we can get pregnant?”

There was silence for a moment.

“Maybe after the tour, before A-nation.”

“Huh.” Junsu thought about it. “Or, you know, how about around January. We should be on our break by then, right?”

“Oh, yeah. She could be an autumn baby.”

“Yeah!” Junsu agreed.

Changmin stood in the hallway, his bowl of cereal in his hand, his spoon just in front of his mouth when he happened upon the open bathroom door, again. He continued walking to his room, if he was dreaming, he planned to wake up to a saner world any time now, and if that failed, he was going to have to start checking the water before he drank anything.

-End

Thank you for reading. *cleans up brain matter*

[FIC] Never Again Part 17

2009-02-13T21:07:33Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 17/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: YunJaeHo, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship), Minsu (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16.

“We’re filming outside today,” Junsu twirled a make-up brush in one hand and held his cell phone with the other. “It’s freezing. If it wasn’t for the wind, it would actually be an okay day to shoot.”

He took away his attention from the brush in his hand for a moment and caught his make-up artist’s gaze in the mirror. She smiled at him kindly and then resumed her work.

“You should get up soon.” He urged. “Help Jaejoong-hyung make breakfast for once. It’s snowing you know?”

“I shouldn’t have told him that, now he’ll never get up.” This time he addressed his make-up artist.

She nodded her head, her smile a little sad.

“Hold still, please.” She said.

He stopped talking for a second so that she could apply some lip color, a gradual mix of purple and blue at a corner of his lips and then greener and some yellow at the edges to give the look of a healing bruise from a recent fight.

A polite knock sounded at the door and then a second later, his manager stepped inside his trailer.

“How are we doing here, Junsu-sshii?”

“Oh, hyung is here.” He raised the phone in the air. “Say ‘hi’ hyung!”

His manager gave a cheerful wave.

“Hello,” He said into the phone, his smile sincere. “Uh, I think I’ll need to borrow Junsu-shii in a few minutes so…”

“Ah! Gotta go. I’ll call you later.” He said quickly and then switched his phone off.

He stared at the recorded time of the phone call: three minutes, eleven seconds.

“Still in bed?”

“Huh?” Junsu looked up at his manager’s kind eyes. “Ah, yeah. You know how he is.”

His manager nodded knowingly and squeezed his shoulder.

“You have a guest. Shim Changmin-sshi?”

“Oh, right! Let him in!”

But he got up to do it himself. He walked quickly to the door and opened it wide.

“Changminah!”

Changmin looked away from the quickly developing movie set and nodded his head in greeting.

“Hey.”

“Hi. Come in, come in!”

He was about to grab Changmin’s wrist to drag him inside, but he noticed the drink tray in his hands.

“Aw, something for me? You shouldn’t have.” He said, stepping aside to let Changmin into the trailer.

“I met up with Yunho-hyung at a café nearby. I thought you’d like something to drink.”

“Thanks! I was just thinking of getting something hot. It’s so cold today.” He shivered from the cold air that got in and closed the door as soon as Changmin had cleared the door.

“Thank you, Shim Changmin-sshi, you saved me the trouble.” His manager said.

“Ah, sorry,” Junsu apologized. “Let me introduce you.”

A quick introduction went around. His make-up artist finished up and his manager gave him a breakdown of the schedule, and then they left together.

“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Changmin said as he took a seat beside Junsu in front of the mirrors.

“No, you arrived at a good time. They still have a lot to do out there. I’ll be here for a while.”

“It’s so busy out there. I almost forgot I was going to see you. I think I would have stayed there and watched if it wasn’t so cold.”

“Oh, so you’re only here for a warm place. I see how it is.” Junsu crossed his arms glumly.

Changmin grinned. “Didn’t want to mislead you or anything.”

“Oh well, thank you for that.” He said, a smile settling into place on his lips.

His eyes strayed toward the closed door and then toward the drawn curtains. At the slight gaps between the fabrics, he saw flashes of color as people passed by. Sound from outside were muffled. The drilling, the pounding, the urgent voices, and even the wind were as if from a distance.

Slowly, he felt himself begin to relax, melt into his chair.

“How’s the drink?” Changmin asked.

Junsu reached for the cup and took a sip. “It’s great, thanks. Just what I needed.” He sighed with satisfaction.

Changmin turned his seat to face the mirrors and brushed snow off his hair.

”So, what were your plans for today if I hadn’t called you?” Junsu asked conversationally as he hooked his leg around the arm of Changmin’s chair, his chair rolling forward, in order to bring himself closer to his friend.

Changmin raised his brow at Junsu’s leg.

“Apartment hunting.”

“What? You’re moving out?”

Changmin smirked. “I hadn’t really planned on moving in in the first place. It was just supposed to be temporary until I found a place of my own.”

“Yeah, but don’t you like living with Yunho-hyung.”

“I do.”

Changmin grabbed Junsu’s leg to move it away, but Junsu found a better place to rest it on, and lifted his other leg to rest both on Changmin’s lap.

“So why don’t you just stay there, then? Looks like a nice arrangement.”

At first, Changmin frowned at Junsu’s socked feet on his lap, but he must have been in a generous mood because he didn’t remove them. His fingers found Junsu’s toes instead and squeezed them one by one playfully.

“…This little Junsu piggy went to the market…This little Junsu piggy stayed at home. This little Junsu piggy had--”

Junsu laughed, he had always been ticklish. “Hey!” He poked Changmin’s stomach with his other foot. “Answer my question.”

Changmin stopped paying attention to his toes long enough to give him a dry look. “I’m not really planning to move out. I just want to see what I would like in an apartment, if I had been planning to get one.”

“Ahhh, so you’re planning ahead, just in case you do have to move out one day.” Junsu said thoughtfully. “But what would ever make you feel like you have to go?”

Changmin closed his hands over Junsu’s feet. It felt nice, warm.

“Hmm, how about...take for example, me not being able to go home because Jaejoong-hyung was staying over.”

Junsu frowned, stared at Changmin’s unreadable expression, and then frowned some more.

“Why would you…?” He thought it over, looked at it at different angles.

Changmin raised his eyebrow suggestively.

Junsu gaped. “Oh, yeah, I see.” He was nodding. “Yeah, that could be a bit awkward.”

Changmin shrugged. “Not really, it’s just, eventually, that’s what happens right? They are together now. Also,” He looked thoughtful and started massaging Junsu’s feet without realizing it. “It would be a good change for Yunho-hyung, I think, having someone over there other than me. Maybe it would make him a bit more conscious of the mess he leaves the apartment in and start cleaning up after himself too.”

Junsu snickered. “Nah, Jaejoong-hyung will be the one cleaning up after Yunho-hyung.”

Changmin grinned, finally realizing he’d been giving Junsu a foot massage without intending to. Now he moved his hand with intent, every press and squeeze sure and measured.

Junsu yelped and pulled his feet away. “Ow! That hurt!”

“It means you needed it.” Changmin said knowingly, raising his foot to kick Junsu’s chair away.

“Heeeeey…” Junsu whined.

The back of his chair hit the edge of the counter, stopping its backward slide.

“Hey, take me apartment hunting with you.”

Changmin shrugged. “Sure.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I could use another set of eyes, no need for the brain though. How long is this filming going to take?”

Junsu didn't take the bait and chose to address the question instead.

“Not long, just two scenes. They also said the weather’s a bit too cold too, so we’ll probably keep it short.”

“I thought these things took longer.”

“They do.”

Junsu got off his seat and walked over to retrieve his drink. He took a long sip from it and then leaned against the counter, his back to the mirrors.

“I’m hoping it’s not for my benefit though, but I think, at least partly, it is.”

“Are they treating you like you’re made of glass or something?”

Junsu laughed. “Yes, something like that. I mean, they don’t mean to, but I guess they can’t help it. It goes away after a while, though. They forget and just get awed by me. At least I know I can still light up a set.” He winked.

Changmin snorted skeptically.

A knock on his trailer door interrupted them. “Junsu-sshi, five minutes.”

“Got it!”

Changmin stood up and pulled his coat on. Junsu always forgot he was the shorter one.

“Gonna watch me do my thing?”

“Nah, I’m here for the other actors. I’m a big fan.”

“Hey! Don’t say stuff like that. It hurts my ego.”

Another skeptical snort. Changmin strode by, grinning, and was out of the trailer before he knew it.

Junsu shook his head, Yoochun would…He sighed, he would have probably said the same thing. He picked up his cell phone, pressed a button that called up the last number dialed and let it ring.

“I’m going on set.” He smiled fondly. “Wish me luck.”

They were filming on top of one of the business buildings. Beyond the metal railings, he could see steaming rooftops and the winding highways. The gleaming glass of the taller buildings, with the cold weather seemed like ice instead. The snow was beginning to come down heavily. The wind was also getting stronger. Every windy pass felt like sharp knives cutting into any part of his body that was exposed.

Junsu steeled himself and tried to control his shivering. He recalled his lines and rehearsed them through clattering teeth.

Bright lights lit up the spot he stood on, people moved behind the cameras. He glanced down at their feet. There were wires everywhere, black ropes in the snow-covered rooftop.

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen! This is the last shot and then we’re out of here!” He heard the director say.

Junsu winced as more snow blew into the set. Some got into his eyes. He brought a hand up to automatically wipe them away. He was exhausted, his actions had become sluggish, but it had been his decision to shoot the additional scene, so he held on.

“Cameras ready, please!”

Junsu exhaled, his ragged breath condensing in the air in front of him before it was quickly carried off by another gust of wind. He craned his neck up, the back of his neck hurting from the upward tilt, and watched the snow as they fell seemingly without end. The tiny flakes obscured the sky as they fell in abundance like rain.

Junsu blinked, his vision blurred.

Rain.

He shut his eyes tightly and opened them again.

The snow was gone. Rain was falling instead. When the wind blew past, he smelled smoke. His eyes widened, his nostrils flaring. There was a dull thrum of pain in his arm, as if he had been holding onto a heavy weight, as if that area was slowly bruising up, the blood spreading under his skin.

“…Let go, Junsu.”

Junsu gasped as images flickered in front of his eyes. They blinded him like a mirror in the sun. He swayed in his feet, feeling slight vertigo.

“Junsu-sshi? Cut! Hold on!” The director yelled in alarm.

Junsu raised his arm. It was trembling, “I’m okay.” He breathed deeply. He heard footsteps running toward him, but he stopped them with another wave of his hand. “I’m good, sorry, just…need to…” He sucked in the frozen air, the shocking temperature helping him focus once more.

He moved to get up and was surprised he had been kneeling down. He couldn’t remember falling to his knees. He got up shakily and offered a smile to the people around the set.

They looked at each other nervously, only his words holding them back.

“I’m fine, sorry.” He bowed in apology.

The director regarded him critically and then looked up at the worsening weather. Junsu stood more steadily on his feet, even though the world still seemed to spin.

“…Alright,” The direction raised his hand and the cameras started rolling again.

Among the many faces watching him, he found Changmin’s. His expression, unreadable.

“Good work today! Thank you everyone!” People were saying. The lights were coming down, the wires being roped in, and people were starting to leave.

His manager walked with him to his trailer, Changmin just a few steps behind.

“You sure you’re okay, Junsu-sshi?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. That was…That was shorter than the last one, right?” He smiled at his manager, but of course, his manager wasn’t falling for it.

“Shorter or not, please take a break or sit down for a bit when that happens. You’re not inconveniencing people, Junsu-sshi. We all understand.”

He gritted his teeth. “I’ll sit down when I need to. That time, I didn’t need to. There’s no need to worry so much.”

His manager sighed as he stopped just in front of his trailer. “Do I need to go in there with you and tie you to the couch? Or can you manage to lie down for a bit on your own?”

“I don’t--” He bit his tongue when he saw the dark expression on his manager’s face.

“Plenty of rope around here, Junsu-sshi.”

“Alright, alright! I’ll lie down for a bit. Even though I don’t need to.”

He opened his trailer door and went inside. Changmin followed.

His manager gave him one last meaningful look before the door shut.

Junsu headed to the couch, just as he’d promise. What he didn’t expect though, was for his body to lie down, and curl up into a little ball instead. He was cold all of a sudden, he thinks he could see his breath hover in front of him, even though they were already indoors.

“You cold?” Changmin asked, walking over to him.

He shook his head, but his body trembled and betrayed him.

Changmin tsked. “Acting all tough. The camera stopped filming, you know? You’re not an action hero anymore.”

Junsu chuckled. Even to his ears, it sounded off.

“Move.” Changmin said as he removed his coat.

“What?”

Changmin pulled Junsu’s knees away from his chest and helped him out of his own coat too.

“You’re not gonna get warm that way.”

Junsu looked at him weirdly, but Changmin just pushed him over to make room, and then Changmin was lying beside him, his long body extending over the length of the couch. His arms came around Junsu afterwards, pulling them together. Close enough that Junsu could feel Changmin’s body heat.

“T-thanks.”

“The sooner you thaw, the sooner we can look for my apartment.” Changmin explained, his breath soothingly warm against Junsu’s forehead.

“Thanks.” He said again, more quietly.

He began to feel his body relax. Feel it unwind from the tight coil it had been in since he’d arrived on set. Outside, he could hear the engines of the large trucks and the heavy footsteps trudging up wide metallic boards as equipment was loaded on. It will take another hour or so until the filming sight was fully cleared. He still had to change out of his costume.

“What do you see?”

He had been at the edge of sleep when he heard Changmin’s voice rumble against his ear.

“…See?” He asked groggily.

“When that thing happens, like earlier.”

“How did you know I saw things?” He asked as he buried his face against Changmin’s chest. He smelled good. It was difficult not to fall asleep.

“It looked like you were.”

“Oh.” He took a deep breath. “I see different things.”

“How about this time?”

“…Rain,” he recalled, “and fire…but mostly, I saw rain.”

He caught one of Changmin’s shirt buttons between his fingertips and pressed his thumb against the flat surface. It left a tiny pink indentation on his skin. He summoned the words to explain, looking in.

“I saw where Yoochun and I had stood. The roads from very far away. The trailers and trucks parked below. The lightning in the distance and the rain that just got heavier by the minute.”

He narrowed his eyes. There were black spots in the timeline, he couldn’t remember everything. But he remembered the wind and the rain on his face, drenching his clothes.

“There was a lot of fire, and screaming, and it smelled like smoke everywhere. It had been hard to breathe, like my throat was closing in.”

He heard the frantic voices. Sometimes they sounded like vanishing echoes, sometimes they came to him too loud, and it drowned out the world around him.

“I see people pulling Jaejoong-hyung off Yoochun-hyung.” Junsu blinked away the haunting scene. “I don’t think he remembers this. I don’t want him to remember this. There’s something I’ve forgotten. Who knows, maybe they had to pull me away too.”

Changmin held him closer.

“I see a lot of things from that day and even the days afterwards, but most of all, I see Yoochun-hyung holding onto my arm, could feel it…” He let go of Changmin’s shirt button, his hand finding Changmin’s arm and traveling down until he held his forearm.

“I could hear him yelling at me to let go,” His voice was shaking now. “Could feel the rope give just a little more, could…” He had to stop, Changmin’s shirt was getting wet from his tears.

“You should see a therapist, hyung.”

Junsu chuckled darkly. “I don’t want to.”

“Stubborn.” Changmin half-teased.

“No,” He promised, “I just…I don’t want to share them. Their mine, they’re all I have left, you know?”

“You just told me, though.” Changmin reminded him.

Junsu smiled softly, resting his face against Changmin’s chest.

“Only you, then. I’ll share them only with you.”

They’ve seen one apartment so far. It had two bedrooms. Changmin considered turning one bedroom into a study. Junsu suggested a game room, Changmin considered that too. The kitchen was small, but Changmin didn’t seem to have a problem with that. What he hadn’t been too pleased about though, was the lack of a good view. The balcony faced another building. He could see into his neighbor’s bedroom easily. The couple didn’t seem to own drapes.

They climbed the steps to the next apartment now. It was on the second floor. There were no elevators as there were only five levels.

“I think you’ll like the view from up here. I know it’s just the second floor, but since we’re at a hill, you can see far and wide just from your window alone.” The agent showing them the apartments said. She’s been informed that Changmin was only looking, but she seemed convinced that she’ll be able to change his mind after the tour.

Changmin listened attentively and asked very good questions. Junsu wasn’t surprised the agent was convinced Changmin was ready to buy, he sounded really interested. She led him to the living room first and then to the bedrooms. This apartment also had two bedrooms.

Junsu separated from them and stepped out onto the balcony. She had been right. The view was beautiful, even with all the snow. The apartment wasn’t in front of the road, but was located at the back. It faced a valley that cut through the land and was filled with trees. And then upward and onward, he could see signs of houses hidden by the tall treetops. Saw hints of winding roads here and there, as well as taller apartment buildings that seemed to sprout up from the sea of green, but with all the snow, it was more like a sea of white.

A few minutes later, Changmin came up beside him and leaned on the balcony rails just as he did.

“What do you think?” He asked.

“It’s nice.” Junsu offered. “How’s the inside?”

“Livable.”

He smirked. “You taking it?”

Changmin brushed snow off the wooden rails and watched the chunk plop down onto the snow pile below. The people downstairs had a nice, little garden. A cat watched them from its perch atop the wooden rail that ran along the property. The rail didn’t seem strong enough to stop people from running onward freely and tumbling down into the valley below.

“I think Yunho-hyung would take it in a heartbeat.”

“I thought you were the one moving out?”

Changmin shrugged. “You think Jaejoong-hyung would like it?”

Junsu smiled and looked down at the valley. He couldn’t see the bottom of it.

“Yeah, I think so. He’s not moving any time soon, though.” He was sure.

“But he’d visit hyung here, right?”

Junsu chuckled. “Yeah, of course. Why? What are you planning? Boxing up Yunho-hyung’s stuff and moving them here without him knowing?”

Changmin glanced at him in that way that suggested he just might, “You think he’d notice if his stuff slowly disappeared little by little?”

Junsu snorted. “Just put Jaejoong-hyung in front of him and he wouldn’t notice the world had turned upside down.”

“Maybe for him, it already had.”

They laughed. Their laughter shot out and expanded into the open space. He imagined the sound reaching the bottom of the valley below and scaring off some poor tiny creature.

“They look good together, huh?” Changmin was saying.

“Yeah,” He had to admit.

“Not that bitter anymore?”

Junsu stuck his tongue out, but instantly regretted it when a cold wind blew past.

“Just sorry Yoochun-hyung’s not here to tease him with me.”

“Glad to hear Yoochun-sshi would have approved.”

Junsu nodded thoughtfully and stared beyond the valley, to the point where the land and the sky met.

“Yeah, he would have loved you guys.”

Changmin nudged the bad mood off him before it had a chance to settle onto his shoulders. Junsu nudged him back playfully. It was a game they had started. Changmin’s role was to keep him inside of himself as much as possible. Because he drifted off sometimes, sometimes too far, and then he got those black spots in his memory. Like snowflakes settling onto his eyelashes obscuring his vision, his memory looked incomplete at the edges, blackened with missing time.

The sound of the balcony door sliding open interrupted them.

“Shim Changmin-sshi, are you ready to move onto the next one?” The agent asked from behind them.

Changmin looked at him questioningly. Junsu nodded, taking one last long look at the quiet valley below before they moved on.

He flipped his phone open to check for messages. His manager had left plenty. Junsu didn’t bother to listen to them. He knew without listening what they would say.

He waited in his car for Changmin. They were in front of a restaurant. Changmin was inside to pick up the food they had ordered on their way over. For some reason, Changmin opted to stay at his place tonight. He had a feeling it had something to do with Jaejoong not picking up his phone.

Junsu looked around. The trees were lit up with the holiday lights already. Everywhere he looked, it was Christmas. It had been the snow that morning that made it real for him. This Christmas, Yoochun will not be dragging that six-year old Christmas tree out of storage and into the living room, and then happily sing carols off-tune on purpose as he decorated it. This Christmas, Junsu wouldn’t have to think hard on what gift to get Yoochun as his secret Santa.

Junsu hissed at his thoughts and pressed one of the numbers on speed-dial in his phone.

“Hey!” He said as soon as the voicemail picked up. “What do you want for Christmas? And don’t tell me the same thing you told Jaejoong-hyung just so you can get two of each!”

The voicemail kept recording, but the rest of the words had become stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath and rested his head against the cool glass window.

“I’d try to be creative, but I can’t think of anything. You know I suck at this…” He spoke softer, almost pleading. “Pick up. I really have no idea.”

When his voice began to break, he ended the call.

It was another long five minutes until Changmin exited the restaurant with their dinner. The drive to his place was quiet. The radio had started to play Christmas carols and Changmin didn’t ask any questions when Junsu pressed the 'off' button just a little too violently.

Once they got to his apartment, Changmin volunteered to prepare the food, while Junsu got himself cleaned up. They had dinner and then somewhere in the middle of eating, Changmin decided he was going to sleepover.

Being as exhausted as he was, he managed to stay up a little later than he had imagined possible. Maybe it was because of Changmin, maybe it was because there was someone there to answer back when he spoke. But exhaustion eventually caught up to him. After making sure Changmin was comfortable on the couch, he went to bed.

Lying in bed, his fingers scrolled down the list of messages in his phone. He accessed the older messages and played the one closest to the Christmas before. There was one from two days before the day of.

“Juuunsu, guess what?” Yoochun’s recorded voice asked. “I’m your secret santa—Shhhhh, don’t tell hyung I told you. We all know that I got you, and you got me, and hyung got the both of us, and that the both of us got him as well—really I don’t see the point when he’s gonna set it up like this every year. Anyway, so what do you want for Christmas? I’m in this video game store and I think you own every single game that’s in here. I also visited that clothing store you like, but what’s the point when you just take clothes from my closet, anyway? Oh, by the way, remember that shirt you got me for my birthday that you borrowed and never returned? Yeah, I’d like to be able to wear it at least once, please? Hey, would you like an action figure of me--” The message got cut off and Junsu played the next one.

“Damn, got cut off. What was I saying? Never mind,” In the background, Junsu could faintly hear the festive song playing from the malls' speakers.

“There are so many people here. Why don’t they buy their presents early? That way—Hey, is that you in front of that jewelry store? What are you looking at? Are you there to buy my present?” Yoochun snickered and then his amusement faded away as he grew more thoughtful.

Junsu wished he could see Yoochun's expression then.

“Hey, Junsu, if I’m looking at you right now," Yoochun wondered. His voice was more still. He had stopped walking. "But you won’t hear this message until later...Does that mean that I’m watching your past self? And if you’re listening to this message right now, this means you’re the future Junsu, right? Hiiiiii, future Junsu, how are you? Oh, say ‘hi’ to my future self as well. Tell me how clever I am. Okay, I’m about to speak to the past you. Hey, Junsu!”

Junsu smiled at the sound of him freaking out just before the message cut off. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He took deep breaths and only once he felt he could trust his voice, he dialed another number.

After two rings, the person picked up. “Hyung?”

“Hey, sorry if I woke you.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t asleep yet.” Changmin told him.

“Oh, okay...Good.”

“Something wrong?”

“No, uh, nothing like that. Just…I was just thinking, maybe we should move in together. Get that apartment at the hill.”

Changmin was quiet. Junsu could see that expression he always wore when considering something.

“You don’t want to live here anymore?”

“I…” Junsu frowned and looked up at his ceiling. “I still do. I don’t know. I haven’t really considered everything. I just thought about it and…”

“I like living with Yunho-hyung and I’m not even sure if I’m going to move out.”

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes. If he thought about it more carefully, he really didn’t want to leave this place. “Yeah, you’re right. It was a stupid thought. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It wasn’t stupid, hyung.” Junsu could hear the smile in his voice. “If you thought about it more carefully and in the end you decided that you really would like to move, I wouldn’t mind having you as my roommate.”

“But how about Yunho-hyung?”

“He'll be fine.”

“Just like that?” Junsu sat up, chuckling.

“Yes.”

He laughed again. “I’m not sure I want to move now, though, Changminah.”

“Me too, but, when you want to...Maybe in a couple of months from now…or even a year from now…Just let me know.”

Junsu bowed his head and smiled softly. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Changmin confirmed.

“Goodnight, Changmin, sleep well.”

“You too, hyung.”

Junsu laid down. “…And thanks.”

“No need for thanks.”

“Yes need for thanks.” He grumbled.

Changmin laughed. “Fine, fine. Go to sleep, I’m surprised you haven’t passed out yet.”

“Passing out soon.”

“Alright. Goodnight again, hyung.”

“See you in the morning.”

He hung up the phone and pulled the blankets over his chest.

“…In a year from now,” He wondered out loud.

He couldn’t imagine it. He didn’t want to. It was too far from now, especially when he was still clinging tightly to the yesterdays that had passed. But as much as he fought it, something in the future existed now. It existed there, that possibility of moving in with Changmin, in that sea of unknown. Just like those apartment buildings surrounded by the trees, it had sprung up, and started to exist.

Junsu clutched his cell phone tightly.

In his mind, he recalled the balcony of that apartment. He stood there and stared at the distant buildings. And then he looked down at the valley, with its bottom he could not see. He stood there.

His cell phone beeped and he was back in his bedroom. Junsu turned the phone over in his hand and saw that he had received a new text message. He opened it—

“I could hear you thinking from all the way here,” He read, “Stop it.”

Junsu smiled, nodding quickly as he held back the tears.

Another message came.

“P.S.,” It read, “I want pancakes for breakfast.”

Junsu laughed hard and replied to the message, promising Changmin will have pancakes for breakfast.

He closed his eyes, the smile lingering on his lips as he fell asleep.

Changmin’s role was to keep him inside of himself as much as possible, because he drifted off sometimes, sometimes too far, and forgot how to come back. He could easily trip over the wooden rails, tumble down the valley below, and then vanish completely.

~TBC

Thank you for reading.

[barely a ficlet] yunjaeho, shy love

2009-01-29T16:32:55Z

For kahel_luna for this

***

It wasn't in Jaejoong's eagerness to quickly wrap the towel--strips of red, yellow, green, blue, magenta--around his head and stand in front of a wall to pose.

It wasn't in his excited waving of the glowing stick, wasn't in the matching shirt he quickly pulled on.

"Smile, Jaejoongah," Yunho persuaded as he held the camera steady.

"...kay," Jaejoong half-said, half-laughed softly.

Yunho depressed the button, taking one shot, two.

It was there, he found it. It was in the way Jaejoong was meeting the camera's eyes one second--piercing through the glass and into his--and quickly averting them the next.

Yunho watched through the camera lense. Jaejoong's lips smiling wider trying to hide it.

"...let's retake it,"

Yunho looked at the captured picture. "No, this is good. Here, take mine."

Jaejoong nodded, taking the camera from him.

Yunho wrapped the towel around his neck, covering half his face, wearing the matching shirt, waving the same glowing stick.

"Smile, Yunhoyah," Jaejoong said.

If it was in Jaejoong's smile, if it was so easily captured, then...Yunho met the camera's eyes, his smile stretched, his cheeks colored, he too was suddenly too shy.

The camera flashed.

They looked at the pictures together.

"You think they're good enough?" Jaejoong asked.

Yunho touched the screen. "Yeah,"

It was right there, Yunho saw, the picture of their quickly beating hearts, of their flushing cheeks, of their hands brushing softly, carefully, accidentally, on purpose.

~end

<3!

[Fanart] chibi!Yunjaeho + the boys

2009-01-29T05:18:50Z

Sharing commissioned art for hyungie and samikitty. A yunjae moment out in Seoul and capturing the shirtsOFF! moment. Please enjoy!

I've got youuuu~ under my skin!

[FIC] Fragments, Yoosu, One-shot, part 2

2009-01-28T06:36:39Z

Title: Fragments
Parts: One-shot, part 2/2
Genre: High school, AU
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Yoosu
Disclaimers: I don’t own TVXQ.
AN: Something written for a contest, was too late, but I continued it anyway. Enjoy! :D
part 1

The next day, Yoochun didn’t join him for lunch.

On his way to the other side of the school building, Junsu spotted the same people from the day before playing another game of baseball, despite the chilly weather. It wasn’t hard to find Yoochun, he had grown accustomed to his silhouette.

Yoochun played surprisingly well. It came as a bit of a surprise to Junsu as Yoochun had always moved in such a slow and easy manner. He yawned openly, he stretched in the middle of conversations. He looked at ease where he sat or stood, as if it would take a great deal of prodding to get him to move. But as Junsu watched him now, moving with snap-quick motions, he couldn’t help but feel he was seeing another side to Yoochun.

And as the days passed and he saw Yoochun blend into other groups as if he had always been a part of them all along, he began to lose sight of the Yoochun he knew.

Autumn colors bled out into winter white and winter white burst into golden springtime. Yoochun never returned to his side since that day.

He tried to speak to him once, when he caught sight of Yoochun just about to leave for home.

“Yoochun,” He had called out.

Yoochun had paused, someone called out to him, and he left without saying a word.

Junsu often saw him with different crowds, attaching and detaching from them. Arms reached out for him in welcome and he walked into their arms with as much ease as he had walked into Junsu’s space once, deliberate and disarming.

Summer lay in the sweat dripping down his forehead, in the salt on his tongue. The soccer team stood exhausted in the grassy field, they were just a score away from winning the game. The opposing team missed the net. The bodies under the sun moved once more, Junsu saw his chance. He moved past the players, the ground surrendered to the strength of his run. He felt the hollow tap of the ball against his foot. He guided it and then kicked with all he had. The watching crowd exploded with cheer as the ball went into the net. They’ve won.

His teammates rushed to him. He received their praises and he gave some in return. Closing ceremonies passed by with barely his notice. When the world came into focus again, he was staring at the emptying seats and into the eyes of someone he hadn’t seen in a long time.

Yoochun watched him from the bleachers.

Junsu broke eye contact first and joined his teammates. Back in the lockers he waited until everyone had left and then he plopped down in his seat and heaved. His hands shook as feeling rushed back into his numbed body. Feelings he had suppressed coiled in his gut, and sprang up his throat, pulling free reluctant tears from his eyes.

“Shit,” He rubbed his eyes raw, but the tears kept pouring out. His body was exhausted from all the games they’ve played, from going away to train, from staying busy until he was too numb to think. Yoochun’s presence had caught him off guard, thrown a brick at the window of his heart, and let the feelings loose.

He barely registered the locker door opening and the approaching footsteps. He did however, noticed the hand that landed on his shoulder. Yoochun looked down at him with concern.

“Junsu, you okay?”

Junsu broke away from Yoochun’s touch as if burned. “W-what? What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to watch your game. I always do. This is the big one isn’t it? You’re going to play in the tournament.”

Junsu looked at him in disgust. “You’re not allowed here.” He spat. “Get out.”

For a moment, Yoochun seemed to draw back from his words, but he kept the smile on his face and took another step forward.

“It’s not your locker room, Junsu.”

“Get away.” He seethed.

“No,”

“Get away.”

Another step forward.

“Yoochun, just go away!”

But Yoochun did just the opposite and rushed forward instead. He clung onto Junsu and whispered against his ear, “No.”

Junsu didn’t even have time to fight back as just then, he couldn’t hear anything and he couldn’t see anything, but darkness.

When he had been just a child, he had a best friend. He lived next door to him. Wherever he went, the boy remained by his side.

One day, his mother told him they had to move away. He had begged and pleaded for them to stay, until she conceded and told him to do well in the next quiz he was to take, and maybe then, she would reconsider.

“That’s it?” Something so simple.

The false promise of an exhausted mother and the hope of a naïve child resulted in him pushing his best friend away, until it was time.

He had prepared for the quiz diligently. The boy would be surprised and happy once he accomplished his task and won the prize for doing so well. With a great big smile, he had planned to tell the boy they were not moving after all.

He had done well on the quiz, but they still moved away the very next day. He cried with all his might. He had never told the boy the reason he had stopped talking to him.

“A fever, Junsu?” He woke up to his mother’s voice. “I told you this morning you didn’t look well, and you still went out to play, anyway.”

“Mom?” His voice cracked. It set off a volley of painful coughing.

“Here, drink this.” She handed him a glass of water and made comforting circles on his back with her hand. “There, there. Good thing your friend had stayed behind after the game. Who knows what would have happened. No one had known you were still there!”

Junsu wiped his mouth. “My friend?”

“Yes. Here, I’ll call him inside. He was helping me out downstairs.”

She left the room and he heard her call someone. But his weakened hearing couldn’t catch the name. He lay back down, as the world had begun to spin.

“Here he is.” She announced just outside the door. “He’s awake now, Yoochun. Are you hungry? I’ll go fix something up for you.”

As sleep and exhaustion began to pull at his eyelids once more, he saw Yoochun approach the bed worriedly. His hand moved forward to caress Junsu’s cheek.

“Hey, you. Remember me?”

Sleep pulled him under. This time, he dreamed of childlike games. Of hide and seek, of kicking a ball and throwing one. He dreamed of laughter, fading in the distance.

“I’m better, you can leave now.”

Yoochun had refused to leave his side; He even brought an overnight bag to stay the night, and Junsu’s mother was more than happy to accommodate him.

“Junsu doesn’t bring many friends over, even though he’s so popular. I was beginning to worry.”

“I guess I’m just special, Mrs. Kim,” Junsu heard Yoochun’s laughter just outside his door.

His mother laughed. “Well, stay as much as you like, Yoochun. We have plenty of room for you.”

Yoochun came in with a tray of food.

“Get out.”

“Ah, as warm as ever, I see.” Yoochun winked. “Here, food. I bet you’re hungry. That’s why you’re so cranky.”

“It’s not my hunger.”

“It must be your pillow. Want me to fluff it?”

Junsu began to look around for something to throw at Yoochun’s thick skull, preferably something heavy and penetrating.

Yoochun placed the tray down on the bedside table and then lifted the lid off the soup-bowl. He sat down on the side of the bed, dipped the spoon into the warm broth and made helicopter noises as he weaved the spoon in the air toward Junsu’s mouth.

“Now, say ‘ahhh’. Here comes the helicopter!”

“You’re still an idiot.”

Junsu moved his lips away from the approaching spoon, but Yoochun caught his chin and pressed it against his lips. “Mmm!—no!” He turned his cheek away.

“Fine, we’ll do it my way.”

Something about that didn’t sound right.

Yoochun dropped the spoon back into the bowl and began to climb onto the bed.

“What the hell are you doing?” Junsu hissed.

“Feeding you.” Yoochun explained as he straddled Junsu’s lap.

“What?” Junsu looked nervously toward the door.

Yoochun scooped up another spoonful of the soup, but this time, instead of Junsu’s, he put it in his own mouth.

Junsu tensed up as he met Yoochun’s gaze.

Just as he had feared, Yoochun raised his hands, and held onto Junsu’s head to keep him still. He leaned forward, his mouth intent on Junsu’s own.

“Stop!” Junsu backed away. “That’s disgusting!”

Yoochun swallowed the soup, smiling coldly. “Then eat your soup, Junsu. You have to get better.”

“What do you care?!” He snapped.

Yoochun’s eyes widened at his sudden anger.

“I got sick during the winter too, you know? And I healed just fine without you trying to feed me soup!” His hand flew up to his mouth and he started to cough. His head bent low, he took great careful gulps of air. His eyes had watered a little.

“Don’t just come back from out of nowhere and start telling me what’s good for me. Don’t assume that after leaving me in the dust, you can just come in here like nothing had happened. Don’t be stupid.” He ground out acidly.

Yoochun was quiet for a long time.

Junsu could feel Yoochun’s weight on him, could feel his warmth seep right through the heavy comforter. His hand twitched rebelliously, wanting to touch the lax hand on his lap.

They heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Yoochun moved off him. He began to pick up his things and shrugged his bag on.

Junsu watched with his head bowed low. “You’re leaving again?”

Yoochun paused and glared at him cuttingly. “You just told me to leave Junsu. What do you really want?”

The doorknob turned and then the door swung open. “Knock, knock. Everything okay in here? Oh! Yoochun, you’re leaving already?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Kim. I should let Junsu rest.”

“Oh? He’s doing just fine with you here, though. At least stay for lunch.”

Yoochun smiled kindly at Junsu’s mother’s, taking her hand in his. “Thanks, Mrs. Kim. Maybe next time.”

She looked disappointed. “Okay, then. Thank you again, Yoochun, for bringing Junsu home.”

Yoochun nodded politely, “Any time.”

“See ya, Junsu.” He said just before he walked out, without looking in his direction.

“I’ll walk you out, Yoochun.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Kim.”

Junsu released the tight hold he had on the blanket and kicked it away. Leaning against the headboard, he glared at his bowl of soup moodily.

“How the hell did I end up looking like the bad guy?” When his soup wasn’t forthcoming with any answers, he picked it up, and began to eat.

On the third day, Junsu was well enough to play, but he didn’t. He apologized to the team and gave up his spot in the tournament. Instead, since summer vacation had started, he took on more hours at work, now that there were no classes to keep his mind from wandering where he didn’t want it to.

He worked mindlessly, and on his day-offs, he wandered down the streets, once in a while peeking into shops, but not really seeing what had interested him in the first place.

He had meandered into one of those shops one day, and quickly turned around, but his entrance had already been betrayed by the annoying chime at the front door.

“You sure you don’t see anything you like?”

Junsu turned back around and faced Yoochun, who manned the register.

“No, in fact I see something I really don’t like.”

“Ouch.” Yoochun winced, a smile tugging at his lips.

And that was all it took to break him. Junsu sighed hopelessly and drifted over to stand in front of the register.

“I didn’t know you had a job.”

“I have a job.” Yoochun gestured to the empty store. “A very boring and uneventful one. Except for now. You being here is very exciting.”

“Stop using me as an excuse to slack in your job, you slacker!” Junsu inspected a bar of chocolate at the counter. “So how long will you be here?” He began to unwrap the package.

“You planning to pay for that first, sir? Till closing time. Why?”

“No, you’re going to buy it for me with your employee’s discount. ‘Cuz I’m hungry. Have you eaten?”

“Alright, then. No, I haven’t.”

Junsu tried the chocolate and found it good enough to satiate his hunger temporarily. “Don’t you get a break or something?”

“I do and that was an hour ago.”

“So, you’ll just stand here until closing?”

Yoochun left his place behind the counter and picked up an opened box. “I was about to put these up on the shelves just before you came in.”

Junsu looked into the box. It was filled with colorful picture frames, figurines and, boxes of artsy cards, all that a gift shop usually provided. “I can help.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll have less to do if you help.”

“Oh.” Junsu followed Yoochun to one of the aisles as he finished the chocolate bar. He touched a few objects on the way, drawn to them because of their color or due to some odd shape.

“How long have you worked here?”

“Since Spring,” Yoochun responded without pausing in his task. The clink of ceramic touching the glass shelves joined the jingle of wind-chimes hanging by the shop window.

“Do you like working here?”

Yoochun shrugged. “It passes the time.”

Junsu traced a finger against the smooth curvature of water on a metallic picture frame. Lately, he felt the same way about his job.

“I missed you, Junsu.”

Junsu glanced to the side, watching Yoochun work. “Hearing that in your greasy voice makes me skeptical.”

Yoochun pretended to look hurt.

“Yeah, yeah. I missed your ugly face too.”

“Just my face?”

Junsu looked him up and down. “Yeah, just your face.”

A dangerous smirked crossed Yoochun’s face then and he stalked toward Junsu in a heart beat. “Nothing else?”

“Nothing worth remembering.” He schooled his features to appear serious, but Yoochun’s proximity was affecting him like always. He felt like he stood in front of a blackhole, as if bits and pieces of him were already being pulled into Yoochun little by little.

Yoochun leaned closer and just when his lips were about to touch Junsu’s, Junsu warned him, “Don’t start something you’re not going to finish.”

Yoochun met his challenging gaze and then he was gone, moved past Junsu and into the main part of the store.

Junsu stood in the middle of the aisle wearing a sardonic smile. “Thought so,” He scoffed.

He heard the rattle of chimes hitting glass and then Yoochun was back. “You thought wrong.”

“Wha--” Junsu jumped when Yoochun took his hand and began dragging him to the back of the store.

“Yoochun, the store.”

“I’m on break. I closed it for a while.”

“What? Why?” The door to the employee’s room loomed ahead of them.

“Why do you think?” Yoochun pushed the door open and dragged Junsu inside.

Inside was a little employee’s area complete with a coffee pot, a microwave and a table set. A makeshift office, filled with boxes, peeked just behind a paper folding-screen, but they didn’t even get that far into the room. As soon as the door closed behind then, Yoochun pushed him against it.

“What do you mean ‘Why do I think’? I don’t know what you’re thinking right now!”

“Just doing exactly what you asked, Junsu.”

“Exactly…What I--” His eyes widened as Yoochun wrapped a hand on the back of his neck and crushed their lips together. The force took Junsu by surprise and he was suddenly grateful for the door’s support. He clung to Yoochun’s apron as the kiss grew deeper, their tongues met and clashed.

Junsu kissed Yoochun with as much desperation as he felt coming from Yoochun. It was the taste and the warmth and the pull Yoochun had on him that he missed the most; that he couldn’t deny. It grew stronger with every touch, and every word, and every sight of Yoochun.

“Junsu,” Yoochun broke the kiss, his eyes alit with that same unrestrained quality he had seen so many months ago, except this time—“I’m not gonna stop, Junsu.”

“Y-yeah,” He nodded shakily, his body already trembling with the effort to not seek out Yoochun’s lips again.

Yoochun watched him carefully and then a hand touched his waist, Junsu shivered. The hand moved to cover his stomach, which fluttered at the touch, and then it traveled lower to rest at the button and zipper of his jeans.

Junsu kept his gaze locked with Yoochun’s as he felt the fingers tug the button loose. His breath hitched. The sound of the zipper being pulled open sounded too loud in the empty room.

Yoochun leaned forward to shower tiny kisses on his cheek, his jaw, and down his neck. His lips found the loud and strong pulse just beneath Junsu’s skin and he ran his tongue against it. Junsu sucked in his breath. Yoochun had cupped his cock through his underwear, running the pad of his thumb across the wet tip.

His body rocked against Yoochun’s hand, while his mind blanked out at the rush of sensations coursing down his body. Yoochun began to stroke him through the thin cloth he wore, at first long and slow, then faster and faster. Making him hard in his fist.

Junsu clutched at Yoochun’s shoulder, his head thrown back, mouth open as heated gasps spilled free. He closed his eyes tightly. Pleasure pulled up from his feet, from the tip of his fingers, and pooled into his groin, hot and liquid.

Yoochun’s hand, Yoochun’s body against his, his scent, his closeness…It was Yoochun’s hot and shallow gasps against his ear that took Junsu over the edge. His body shuddered, his mouth forming a soundless cry as the pleasure overtook him.

They ended up in Yoochun’s apartment. They fumbled and flushed just like all first times. Streetlight washed over their naked and slick bodies in the dim room as they fucked. The making love came later, after they had satisfied the need to just touch and kiss and lick and suck.

Yoochun moved above him, dark damp hair clinging to his forehead and cheeks. His lips were bruised red from Junsu’s kisses. There were some spots of redness on the skin of his shoulders where Junsu had clung on too tightly.

Junsu covered his mouth with his arm to keep the moans in, as Yoochun moved inside him. He tried to keep his eyes open to watch Yoochun who had closed his eyes. His friend’s mouth was partly open, his tongue snaking out once in a while to lick away salty sweat.

Yoochun croaked out a startled cry as he came inside Junsu, his body bowing in the surging pleasure. He began to fall forward, but caught himself. His arm supported his shuddering body. Junsu watched him.

Yoochun raised his other arm. His lax fingers curled around Junsu’s still hard cock, stroking it slowly and then stopping.

“Sorry,” He leaned down, gasping against Junsu’s neck, kissing it tenderly.

“S’okay,” He buried his fingers in Yoochun’s hair, kissing his damp forehead.

Yoochun pulled out carefully and rolled over to lie on the bed.

Junsu stared up at the ceiling, at the wash of light the passing cars made below the streets. It was hours after midnight, he had not called his parents. He waited until his breathing had evened out before sitting up. He felt Yoochun watching him as he stumbled off the bed to find his pants on the floor. Finding his cell phone in one of the pockets, he walked out of the room. It was dark in the hallway too. The only light came from beneath the space between doors and the floor, and from his cell phone.

“Mom, I’m over at Yoochun’s. Yeah, we’re talking again. I know, you told me so.” He scratched his shoulder, he ignored his state of undress as he spoke to his mother on the phone. “I’m going to sleep over. Yeah, I can borrow his clothes. I’m sure he’d like that. Okay, ‘night.”

He shut his cell phone close, staring at it as a pang of guilt flitted through his conscience.

The door behind him opened and Yoochun’s naked body pressed up against him, his arms and a blanket draping around Junsu.

“I love you, Junsu.” Yoochun murmured against his shoulder, kissing the skin there.

And without waiting for his reply, he continued. “…I’ll get you some towels so you can shower. You smell.” Yoochun sniffed his neck and his hair. “I like it though.”

Junsu laughed softly, the after-effects of Yoochun’s words having crashed against him and left him a little terrified.

The shower had been good for him. Clean and dressed again, he waited in bed for Yoochun to finish showering.

Yoochun had changed the sheets while he had been in the bathroom, and the fresh blankets had a soothing smell. He fell asleep before Yoochun finished showering.

“Junsu! I’m Yoochun! Remember?” The boy kept yelling as Junsu ran out of the park.

Junsu opened his eyes finding Yoochun’s back to him. He lifted his arms tiredly. His eyes closing again once he had touched Yoochun’s arm.

He woke at times clinging to Yoochun and then sometimes to Yoochun holding him. When they woke up at around noon, his entire body was sore.

“What do you want to eat?”

Junsu lay on his stomach on the couch, his eyes glued to the TV, “I can’t really think right now.”

“Then stop paying attention to the television and think for a moment.” Yoochun took the remote control from him and turned the volume down.

“That’s not what I meant.” He glared. His sore body was making him very cranky.

Yoochun grinned and patted his thigh. “I guess you’re not up for another round just yet?”

“Fuck you, asshole,” He grouched.

Yoochun made a thoughtful sound, “I guess we could do that too.”

Junsu sighed.

The hand on his thigh traveled up to cover the small of his back, moving in comforting circles. It felt good.

Yoochun shifted to kneel down in front of him, seeking his lips and kissing them. “I love you, Junsu.” Another light kiss.

Junsu stared up at him quietly.

Yoochun moved to get up, but Junsu caught his arm.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Yoochun smiled curiously. “For what?”

Junsu slid his hand down Yoochun’s arm until their fingers were intertwined.

“I’m sorry for leaving you first.”

Yoochun’s eyes widened.

Junsu had it wrong. He’d never been alone since the beginning. Yoochun, that boy, had been with him in that grassy clearing. Right by his side. Always.

He had collected all the fragments.

“I love you too, Yoochunah.”

~END

Thank you for reading and for your wonderful comments. Much appreciated! <3

[FIC] Fragments, Yoosu, One-shot, part 1

2009-01-28T06:34:00Z

Title: Fragments
Parts: One-shot, part 1/2
Genre: High school, AU
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Yoosu
Disclaimers: I don’t own TVXQ.
AN: Something written for a contest, was too late, but I continued it anyway. Had to cut it into two parts as it was too big as one post D: Enjoy! :D

*

Run.

He clutched the piece of paper tightly in his little hands as his legs picked up speed. The bottom of his sneakers scuffed against the pavement and then onto softer ground once he’d reached the park. The sight of the tree just beyond the swings had his lips trembling, but he bit them to stillness, and held it in. The closer he came to the tiny clearing the heavier he felt. The world became hard to see.

Tears.

“Almost there, almost there,” He encouraged through his shaking breath.

He ran past the swings, ran past the huge tree that watched over the tiny park. He cut through the dense undergrowth and just when the first few tears began to fall, the darkness parted and revealed the clearing.

Stop.

His knees buckled beneath him, hitting the grassy floor. The tears fell one by one, breaking against the grass blades.

“But I won!” He screamed as he hit the ground with his fist, “I won!”

His chest hurt. There was a pain screaming from somewhere he couldn’t touch no matter how much he clutched at it.

“Not fair,” he sniffed, “I won…”

Something heavy was flooding his chest, drowning him. Crying didn’t help to lift the phantom weight.

“What did you win?” Someone asked.

At first, Junsu dismissed the voice for his imagination, but when it asked him again, he turned to the source of the voice, rubbing his runny nose on his shirt sleeve.

A boy around his age stood just beyond the point where the grass grew up to his waist. He leaned against the trunk of a young tree casually, with a faint smile on his lips.

Junsu flushed at having someone see him cry. His teary eyes narrowed and he drew his hands into fists. “You’re not allowed here! This is my place!” He told the kid as he hid his tear-streaked face behind a raised arm.

“What did you win?”

“Didn’t you hear me? I said you’re not allowed here! Go away!”

“If you won something, aren’t you supposed to be happy?”

“I said go away!” He screamed with all the might he could muster.

But the boy just pushed away from the tree and walked into the clearing. “Are those happy tears then? You don’t look very happy to me.”

Junsu stood his ground. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists readily.

The boy stopped a step away from him, looked down at Junsu’s hand, and snatched the piece of paper he held.

In his rage, Junsu had completely forgotten about it.

“Hey! That’s mine!”

“What’s this?” The boy inspected the paper against the sun. “Wooooh, a perfect on your quiz. Funy, you didn’t look very smart to me.”

“Shut up! Give it back!” Junsu growled, tackling the boy to the ground.

But the boy just laughed under him and hid the paper into his shirt.

“No! I need that!” Junsu reached for the boy’s shirt, but his hands were trapped by the other’s hands. “You don’t understand. I need that.” He began to shake miserably, his eyes focused at the shirt that hid his paper.

“I need that…” He said feebly. “Please--”

Here, the memory flickered into indistinguishable images and feelings.

The boy pushed up off the ground and kissed him.

Shock.

“..Ah,” He snapped free from the boy’s hold and shoved away from him. “Arghgh!”

He wiped his sleeve across his mouth, glaring at the boy who laughed with his back to the ground and smile to the sky.

“But see? You’re not crying anymore!” The boy told him.

Junsu straightened and turned around quickly. He walked away from the still laughing boy.

Run. Faster, faster, until he was running away from the clearing empty-handed.

“I’m Yoochun! Remember! See you tomorrow!” He heard before he passed the great tree that looked over the tiny park. The park he wouldn’t be able to play in any more starting the next day. They were moving.

“Park Yoochun, nice to meet you.” The newly transferred student stood in front of the class and introduced himself. He had the school uniform on. They looked new. His hand reached up to casually scratch a shoulder. “Umm, this school looks nice. I hope I’ll like it here.” He said with a friendly enough smile.

“Okay, good. Welcome, Park Yoochun-sshi. Everyone, treat your new classmate kindly. He’s new to the town, show him around if you can. Park Yoochun-sshi you can sit right there where…”

Junsu had already lost interest. He turned his attention away from the new student and back to the book in front of him. The similar name had called upon a memory he hadn’t thought of for years. It left him a bit irritated.

He had almost completely forgotten about his new classmate when the guy came stumbling into the empty classroom Junsu usually occupied during lunchtime.

“Oh hey,” Yoochun, Park Yoochun, Junsu recalled, waved and closed the door behind him. “Didn’t know someone was here.”

Junsu flipped his book to the next page as he speared a fried shrimp from his lunchbox.

“You’re in my class, right? You sit at the front.”

Junsu ignored him.

“Mind if I eat lunch here too?”

Junsu shrugged.

The scraping of a chair’s leg against the floor intruded upon his reading. A paragraph later, Junsu put his book down and found Yoochun sitting on the desk beside his. He looked around at all the empty seats, and then back at the seat Yoochun chose. Junsu sighed. He set his book down on the side of the desk nearest Yoochun and started to pack away his lunch.

“You’re done?” Yoochun asked, looking over at Junsu’s lunchbox. “But you still have plenty left over.”

“I’m not that hungry.”

Without warning, a fork entered his line of sight, and then came away with a fried shrimp.

Junsu stared at the spot where the shrimp used to be.

“Wow, this is good. You sure you’re done? Can I have some more then?”

Junsu shrugged, “Whatever,” and placed his lunchbox beside Yoochun’s. He pushed the chair he had used under the table, picked up his things, and headed for the door.

He was about to slide the door open when an arm whizzed by his ear and landed against the door. He jumped in surprise.

“Where you going?” Yoochun asked.

Junsu turned around and found Yoochun too close, leaning into his space. He judged the distance from the desk to the door, he hadn’t heard him get up.

“How’d you get here so fast?”

“I’m quick on my feet.” Yoochun smirked. “You look like you have plenty of time on your hands. Wanna show me around the school?”

Junsu glared at his new classmate. “Didn’t the teacher assign someone to do that?”

“Oh, her? She didn’t really do a good job. Kept getting us lost in the weirdest places, asked too many questions.”

Junsu sighed. “I’m busy, find someone else.”

“Do I make you angry Kim Junsu?” Yoochun leaned closer, meeting his eyes.

Junsu backed into the door, his brows furrowing. “How’d you know my name?”

Yoochun reached into his pocket and presented an I.D. card, Junsu’s card.

Junsu clutched the pocket of his uniform shirt. “When did you--?”

“Give me a tour, and I might give it back.”

“I need that.” Junsu said.

“So give me a tour. I don’t want to be lost tomorrow.” Yoochun batted his eyelashes, “Please?” Yoochun had that sort of smile, the kind that opened doors.

Junsu glared at his I.D card in Yoochun’s hand and held his hand out for it.

He was surprised when Yoochun dropped it into his open palm. He frowned, not knowing what he had been expecting.

“Fine,” Junsu agreed, tucking the card inside his pocket. He had nothing to do anyway.

Yoochun grinned victoriously and then returned to the desk to gather his things. Junsu didn’t wait for him, and stepped out into the hallway. In a flash, Yoochun was by his side and Junsu started to point out the classrooms. They were able to cover most of the more important places in the school, as for the rest, Junsu explained, Yoochun can find out for himself. They were just crossing the grounds to visit the baseball field when Yoochun stopped and pointed to their left.

“Hey, what’s that place?”

Junsu followed the direction Yoochun had pointed to. His finger pointed to the old dilapidated school building that was no longer in use. “It’s a place for storage.”

“Nice, let’s check it out.”

“No!”

Yoochun stopped in his tracks and looked back at Junsu. “No?”

“It’s off limits. Anyway, there’s nothing in there except for boxes and empty classrooms.”

Yoochun grinned. “How do you know this?”

Junsu flushed. “I peeked inside once.”

“I see,” Yoochun’s grin grew wider.

“Park Yoochun-sshi, it’s off limits.”

“I just want to take a small peek…Junsu.” Yoochun said as he started down the path to the old building.

Junsu gritted his teeth at the retreating figure. He turned to walk back to the school, paused mid-turn and sighed in frustration as he followed after Yoochun. “Ugh, just watch the building collapse on top of him or something.” He muttered as he caught up to the wandering student.

They entered the building, its door surprisingly left unlocked. Yoochun wandered from one room to the next, peeking in and then moving onto the next one with Junsu following at an indifferent distance behind. But when Yoochun entered a classroom and didn’t immediately return, Junsu followed after him.

As soon as he entered the classroom, he found Yoochun sitting on top of one of the dusty desks, his face quiet and thoughtful. Sunlight filtered in through the grimy windows and lit up parts of his body. In this light, Yoochun looked different. His eyes that seemed to look off to a point Junsu couldn’t see, looked almost lonely. Junsu suddenly felt like he was intruding. At that moment, Yoochun looked unapproachable.

“I like this place.” Yoochun’s voice filled the empty room. “It’s nice.”

“It’s dusty and you’re not allowed here.” Junsu turned to leave, but heard footsteps approaching down the hall. He grew still and then ran for the door. “Argh! I can’t get caught here!”

The door slid close before he could get out.

Junsu turned around and found himself trapped against the door and Yoochun’s chest once more.

“What are you doing? We have to get out of here!” He hissed.

“Hey, did you hear that?” A voice from just outside the door asked.

“What?”

“I think someone’s in here.”

Junsu’s eyes widened. He turned away from listening to their footsteps outside and found Yoochun staring at him.

“You idiot,” He whispered, “We shouldn’t have come here.”

“Junsu,” Yoochun said softly, leaning in. “Do you believe in Fate?”

Junsu frowned. “What are you talking about at a time like this--” He didn’t have time to finish his sentence before Yoochun’s lips covered his. In his surprise, he backed into the door loudly.

“There! Did you hear that?”

Junsu kept very still, Yoochun’s lips still on his. He lifted his arms to push Yoochun away, tying to make as little noise as possible, but a surprisingly strong grip kept him still.

He shivered when Yoochun’s tongue slid across his lips; languidly licking them apart, pushing pass his teeth, and into his mouth. When Yoochun’s tongue touched his, his own tongue reacted without his consent. He tried not to respond again, but the way Yoochun persuaded his mouth, had him opening wider and moving to Yoochun’s will.

It was getting very hard to think, his mind had gotten foggy. He had forgotten why he was there. The only thing he could think of was how hot Yoochun’s breath was mingled with his, how the way Yoochun sucked on his tongue made his knees weak, how good his hands felt intertwined with Yoochun’s own. At that last thought, his eyelids snapped opened, not having noticed that he had closed them. He took a deep breath and shoved Yoochun away.

He drew a hand up to wipe his lips and glared at a grinning Park Yoochun.

Remembering his situation, he listened for any noise coming from the other side. When he heard none, he began to wonder how long they had been in there, and was disturbed to notice a whole chunk of time had passed without his knowledge. Safe from any danger of discovery, he once again turned his attention to the person that got him in that situation in the first place.

“What the hell did you do that for!?” He shouted, now that he was certain no one was in the building to hear them.

Yoochun shrugged. “You liked it, didn’t you?”

Junsu growled. “Whether I liked it or not is not the point! I hate people like you!”

Yoochun’s gaze darkened. “People like me? You mean boys that kiss boys?”

Junsu narrowed his eyes. “Don’t be stupid. I meant rude people.” He clarified. “People that disregard signs of people wanting to be left alone, pushing people to do things that they don’t want to do! Going places people tell them is off limits! Kissing people without asking!” He flushed at the last part, his anger having fried what was left of the puddle that Yoochun had turned of his mind.

In the distance, the school bell rang.

“So…You don’t mind me kissing you. I just have to ask for permission next time?”

Junsu’s eye twitched and he turned to leave.

Yoochun hadn’t been late to class despite Junsu not seeing him after he left the building. He noted his presence in all the classes they shared, but for the most part, he ignored him. It was easy, as Yoochun didn’t try to talk to him at all.

That night, Junsu masturbated to stop his mind from repeating Yoochun’s kiss in his mind over and over again. He fell asleep with his hand around his spent cock and the taste--of heat and an odd sweetness--of Yoochun in his mouth.

It was a few days later that Junsu got stuck in a room with Yoochun again. The teacher had volunteered the two of them when no one raised their hand for wanting to organize a booklet for the upcoming teacher’s meeting. He kept to himself though, not talking to Yoochun unless it was really necessary. He said things like, ‘stop hogging the stapler’ or ‘you did this wrong’ in a clipped and cold tone.

They had been in the room for about an hour, excused from self-study class, so that they could staple as many booklets together as they could. Junsu placed another finished booklet on top of his pile. Yoochun’s pile was about the same height.

“I’m gonna get something to drink. I’ll be right back.” Yoochun said as he got up.

The door closed behind him, Junsu kept stapling.

A few minutes later, the door slid open and he heard Yoochun come in. Already, Junsu was familiar with the quiet way Yoochun walked. Yoochun had to pass by Junsu’s desk to get to his in all their classes. Junsu couldn’t help but note the sound.

“Here.”

A cold object was abruptly placed against his neck. He shot up his seat and covered the affected skin with his hand protectively. “What the hell, Yoochun!”

“Oh, good. You still know who I am.” Yoochun held out an unopened drink to him. “The way you’re going on about it, it felt like I didn’t exist to you. That kinda hurts, you know?”

Junsu gaped.

“You want it or not?” Yoochun waved the drink his way.

“What for?” He asked suspiciously.

“It’s my apology, accept it.”

Junsu snorted lightly. “Oh, is that what is it? Well, in that case I should accept your apology right this minute and offer mine as well!” He said sarcastically.

“Apology accepted.” Yoochun drank from his own juice bottle.

“You really are an idiot.” Junsu discovered.

Yoochun rolled his eyes and sighed. He looked impatient, as if he couldn’t understand Junsu’s anger toward him.

“Look, accept my drink already so we can be friends.”

“F-friends!?” Junsu sputtered, completely thrown now.

“Yeah, drink up.” Yoochun raised his drink to the air. “Here’s to friendship.”

Junsu stared at him, it was all he could do, as his mind had just shattered at the incomprehensibility of Park Yoochun.

“Fine, I’ll explain. You look a little lost.” Yoochun plopped down on the chair unceremoniously.

Junsu remained standing.

“The first day, when I was forced to do my introduction…When I said my name, this ugly expression crossed over your face, really ugly. It was…interesting. Couldn’t get it out of my mind.” He smiled.

Junsu couldn’t remember making such a face.

“And then when I accidentally walked into that classroom during lunch…Wow! I’ve never felt such hostility. But you looked lonely, so I decided I’d generously offer my company. And then at the building back there, I didn’t want you to get caught because of me…So I kissed you, it was the first thing I could think of. When you kissed back, well, I didn’t want to embarrass you or anything, so I kept at it--”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Junsu waved his arms about, feeling his brain cells burst tiny, shuddering deaths one by one. He was afraid if he listened to Yoochun anymore, he would start to believe him and forget the truth.

“Lies!” He exclaimed.

Yoochun hmm-ed and encouraged him to explain.

“First! So, what if I made a face at that time? Not everything is about you. What if I had been thinking of something unpleasant then? Second, lunch is when I can be alone and catch up on my studies, I have work after school. I did not need your company! Third, you stole my shrimp! Fourth, you k-kissed me to keep me quiet? Kept kissing me for my own sake? What a load of bull! You attacked me!” Junsu took deep breaths, his fingers twitched, tempted to strangle the boy sitting in front of him.

Yoochun rolled his eyes. “Oh jeez, if you feel so victimized about it, you can kiss me too. Make it even.”

Junsu stared. And stared. He walked the last distance separating him and Yoochun, raised his hand and smacked Yoochun upside the head.

“Ow!”

“Are you really that stupid!?” He grabbed the drink Yoochun had given him, popped it open and downed half of the can. He plopped back onto his seat and started stapling again.

At the corner of his eye, Yoochun smiled, before also getting back to work.

During lunch, Yoochun found him in the same classroom as before and sat on the desk beside his again, despite the other available seats. Without warning or permission, Yoochun filled half of Junsu’s lunchbox with food from his own lunchbox and also took food from Junsu’s to fill the space he had freed.

As they ate, Yoochun remained silent.

Junsu suspected it’s so he could read, but it was only a guess. What went on in Park Yoochun’s mind as he chewed on his food slowly and looked out at the autumn sky, Junsu felt if he tried to guess, he would most likely get it wrong.

It became like that from then on. Yoochun was suddenly by his side when there wasn’t anyone before. They argued sometimes. Rather, Junsu got frustrated at Yoochun’s weird outlook on things a lot. But in the end, Yoochun would say something to break his mind into pieces and before he knew it, he had forgotten why he had gotten angry in the first place.

Or Yoochun would offer a peace-offering: a drink, a snack, a kiss on his cheek, which Junsu fended off immediately, unable to comprehend the meaning behind them. But there wasn’t a repeat of that kiss they had shared in the old, dusty classroom ever again.

Junsu was relieved. Not that his heart would skip a beat when Yoochun would lean over and touch his lips to his cheek. Not that he’d feel a slight pang of disappointment just before he pushed Yoochun away, his eyes watching those smiling lips.

“Ugh! Keep your hands off me!”

“Junsu, you’re so cold!” Yoochun would whine.

And then sometimes, they got along too well. Their thoughts and opinions would match, and they would get lost in never-ending conversations that branched off from one topic to another. But then class would start, or they had to go home, going in different directions.

The silence, as he walked home alone, had begun to bother Junsu.

One day, Yoochun showed up at his work.

“What are you doing here?”

“A seat for one please?” Yoochun said as he checked out Junsu’s uniform.

“How did you know I worked here?”

“I didn’t. I was just passing by, saw you, and realized I was hungry. Two birds with one rock.”

“Stone.”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” A headache was forming.

“A seat?” Yoochun asked expectantly.

Junsu sighed. “This way,” He said leading Yoochun to an unoccupied booth by a window. “Is this spot alright?”

“It’s great.” Yoochun said approvingly as he sat down. “When’s your break?”

“I just took one.”

“Darn.”

Junsu handed him the menu. “I’ll be back for your order, sir.” And he walked away to fill someone else’s coffee cup.”

“A friend of yours, Junsu-sshi?” His manager asked as he handed him a tray of food.

“No, just someone I go to school with.” He said, walking away. He caught Yoochun’s gaze and ignored it, delivering food to a waiting table.

“I’ll have…” Yoochun flipped through the pages, his long fingers skimming through the print. “Number two, number five, number fourteen, and finally, number thirty-three for dessert. Just soda for my drink, thanks.” He smiled up at Junsu.

“Not that hungry, huh?”

Yoochun took out a stack of books from his bag. “Hehe, well I plan to stay a while.” He beamed.

Junsu frowned. “This is not a hangout.”

“I’m a paying customer. I can stay as long as I have food on my table.”

Junsu sighed. “Your order is coming right up.” He said before walking away. Trying to reason with Yoochun would only serve to further widen the headache that had already begun to spread across his skull.

Customers came and went. Junsu served full plates and cleared tables. They got busy, he missed his other break. Coffee needed to be made, his fingers smelled of coffee beans, dark and oily. Someone had spilled a drink in the aisle and he had to mop it up. Someone had called in sick and he volunteered to stay until closing time. All the while Yoochun stayed in his booth. Ordering another dessert or two now and then.

Junsu kept his coffee-cup filled.

“You won’t be able to sleep after all this,” He warned, as he poured yet another cup of the caffeinated drink into Yoochun’s cup.

“Have to stay up to study for that test anyway. Have you studied?” Yoochun asked.

Junsu shook his head. “I was supposed to after work, but someone had called in sick.”

Yoochun looked around, “There are two more people here. They could probably handle it.”

Junsu shrugged. “Don’t you have to go home?”

The sun had long ago set, the stars were out, and people were coming in less and less. Now and again, some late night diners would drift in, but Junsu recognized the pattern of just before closing time. People were already in bed.

“The place is closing soon right?” Yoochun asked. “I’ll wait for you.”

When the last of the patrons had left, Junsu went outside to bring the signs in. Someone had already started to sweep the floor and at the back, the dish washer was running.

“Junsu-sshi! Get yourself home before you miss the last bus. You have class tomorrow right?” His manager yelled from behind the counter.

Junsu nodded and went to the back to change into his school uniform.

Yoochun waited for him outside. It had gotten colder. He hadn’t bothered to bring a coat.

“Geez, it’s almost winter and you don’t have a coat on.” Yoochun grumbled as he shrugged off his own.

“You don’t have to. I’m okay,” But Yoochun had already draped the coat around Junsu’s shoulders.

Yoochun’s warmth seeped into him, chasing away the cold.

“…Thanks,” He put it on properly. The coat smelled like Yoochun. He didn’t realize until that moment, that he liked how Yoochun smelled. It was a light fragrance that crawled down his throat and made it tight. It settled at the bottom of his stomach, living there.

“Damn! The bus!”

“What?” Junsu’s head snapped up just in time to see the last bus of the night pass them by. His legs pushed against the ground and they were running after it, but it turned the corner without noticing them, and disappeared into the night.

They stopped running, slowed their pace, and eventually came to a full stop. Junsu looked forlornly at the bus stop, knowing from experience that it would be a long and cold walk home.

“I live nearby, stay the night.”

“Huh?” Junsu shifted his attention from the bus stop to Yoochun.

“That’s okay. I can just call my parents for a ride,” He fibbed, his mother was probably already in bed and his father would still be at the office and usually didn’t come home until a few hours after midnight. If he wasn’t that busy.

Yoochun took his hand then and dragged him in the opposite direction the bus went. “C’mon, it’s just a short walk.”

“Wait,” Junsu ground his heels into the pavement. “I can’t sleepover, there’s class tomorrow. I don’t have a change of clothes and a clean uniform for tomorrow. Or even a toothbrush!”

“All easily solved. You can wear my clothes. I have a new set of uniform I haven’t worn yet, and we can grab a toothbrush for you at the convenience store we’re going to pass by.”

“But…”

“And you can help me study for that test. I’m stupid remember?” Yoochun smirked.

Junsu hesitated some more.

“And we’re off!” Yoochun dragged him, having not let go of his hand yet.

They walked hand in hand,--after Junsu’s several failed attempts at trying to escape Yoochun’s grip…Although, if he had been truthful, they were pathetic attempts anyway, he gave up—through the sleepy streets. Streetlights flickered overhead, with a moth or two dancing to their nightly glow. The moon was out, barely a sliver, and not enough to light the way. Yoochun’s neighborhood looked similar to his, except there were more apartments than houses, and more stores than lawns. It was cold, but somehow he wasn’t shivering.

Once they’ve arrived in front of the convenience store, Junsu pulled his hand free from Yoochun’s grasp. Yoochun just smiled at him and went inside. Junsu followed.

“Good evening, Yoochun-sshi. A friend of yours?”

Yoochun waved as he walked passed the elderly clerk, who had stopped sweeping upon their entry, and went into the aisle that had the toothbrushes. “No, just someone I go to school with.”

“I see.” The clerk eyed Junsu and nodded in welcome. “Yoochun-sshi, we have chips on sale!”

Junsu listened to their exchange silently as he trailed after Yoochun.

“Great, maybe I’ll grab a bag or two.” Yoochun looked back at Junsu and presented a toothbrush in each hand. “Blue or red?”

“Purple,” he answered absentmindedly.

“Jung-sshi! You got some more purple toothbrushes?” Yoochun asked, his gaze meeting Junsu’s.

“What you see is what I have, Yoochun-sshi! I don’t restock until next Monday.”

Junsu took the one from Yoochun’s right hand. “Red.”

They also picked out two bags of chips and some breakfast things. Yoochun had said he’d cook for Junsu.

“You didn’t have to buy all this stuff,” He said as they walked to Yoochun’s place, a bag each in hand.

“What are you talking about? I have to feed my guest.”

“Even if it’s just a person you go to school with?” Junsu smirked.

Yoochun grinned. “Yeah.”

The distance from the convenience store to Yoochun’s place was very short, he could picture Yoochun running to the store quickly for little things he needed. Yoochun didn’t live in a house, but at an apartment. They entered the lobby and took the elevator to the third floor. The hallway smelled clean and was well-lit, but the walls looked cold, impersonal. When Yoochun’s apartment door swung open, the walls inside looked the same. Yoochun turned on the lights and offered him a pair of slippers.

“Don’t be afraid to make a racket, no one’s home but us.”

Junsu looked up from stowing his shoes into the shoe closet. “Where are your parents?”

“My mom’s probably at work.”

“How ‘bout your dad?” Junsu stood at the foyer as Yoochun turned on a few lamps and closed the drapes that revealed a bit of the balcony.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged.

“You don’t know? Is he at a business trip or something? My dad goes on those all the time.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Why not?”

“Look, he doesn’t live here. I don’t care where he is, as long as he’s not here. Anymore questions?” Yoochun hissed, swinging around wildly.

“Hey! You didn’t have to yell!” Junsu caught himself, “…Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“…No. I’m sorry. I just…” Yoochun crossed the floor to take his hand and lead him to the living room. “Come on in, what are you doing just standing there, anyway?”

They sat on the couch. Yoochun brought his legs up and rested his head on the back cushion, his hand still holding onto Junsu’s.

“He left us a long time ago. I don’t like to talk about him. I shouldn’t have snapped at you though, you couldn’t have known.”

Junsu looked at Yoochun’s hand curled around his. He shook his head. “It’s okay. Sorry, I won’t bring him up again.”

A short silence passed. Within it, Yoochun held onto his hand, eyes closed, as a tiny smile sat on his lips. Junsu watched him, trying to think of a way to comfort him. He wasn’t very good with words.

Tentatively, he reached up and patted Yoochun’s head. Yoochun startled at the touch, his eyes opening slightly, and then he was falling forward into Junsu and Junsu had no choice but to catch him. He held him in an awkward embrace, Yoochun’s head on his shoulder, breath warm against his neck.

“I’m taking advantage of your pity.” Yoochun informed him.

“It’s not pity,” Junsu said.

“What is it then?”

He thought about it. “I don’t know.”

Yoochun moved an inch, just enough that his lips pressed against the skin of Junsu’s neck. Junsu froze. He waited for Yoochun’s next move as his heart got lodged in his throat.

An uncertain silence descended about them. Junsu’s fingers in Yoochun’s hair began to clench and unclench in a nervous manner.

“We should study.” Yoochun finally spoke.

“Y-yeah,” Junsu nodded.

Yoochun showed him the rest of the apartment, the kitchen, the bathroom, and lastly, his room. They stayed in the living room. Junsu called home and his sleepy mother had answered. He explained his situation and after soothing her worried nerves, he bid her goodnight. Yoochun gave him some clothes to change into. He went into the bathroom to change, stripping off his uniform that reeked of coffee and sweat.

In the bathroom, there was only one toothbrush by the sink.

“Wow! Looks good on you,” Yoochun said upon his return.

“Whatever.”

Yoochun chuckled. “Don’t know how to take a compliment, Junsu?”

“Sure, I can. I just can’t trust it coming from you.” He stuck his tongue out as he joined Yoochun at the kitchen.

Yoochun was preparing snacks.

“Yikes, that’s too cold, Junsu. Your ass looks great in my pants by the way.” He winked.

Junsu scowled. “See?”

“What? That was another compliment!”

“Greasy.”

“Just truthful.”

“Keep them to yourself.”

Yoochun smirked, “I’ll try.”

“You better.” He grumbled, reaching into the bowl of chips.

“Junsu,”

“What?”

Yoochun leaned forward, an arm draping around Junsu’s shoulder to pull him close, to kiss his cheek.

When Yoochun moved away, Junsu automatically wiped it with the heel of his hand.

“You don’t like me doing that too?” Yoochun asked softly.

Junsu looked down at the bowl of chips self-consciously. “It’s weird.”

Yoochun laughed. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

He went to open the fridge to get their drinks, while Junsu waited until he couldn’t feel the heat on his cheeks anymore, and then moved to the living room.

Their papers and books were spread out across the living room table. Yoochun re-read important passages bound to be on the test and Junsu made study-notes. They discussed a few topics once in awhile, as well as quizzed each other. Yoochun prepared some snacks. They watched some TV for breaks, their eyes sick of the tiny black lettering against the white paper.

“I don’t like this show,”

“Me too,” Junsu agreed as he stretched, his stomach to the floor in front of the couch, where Yoochun sat. His body ached from being in school all day and working all night. What used to be his brain was now useless mush from all the studying they’ve done.

Despite their objections about the show, they still watched it. There was nothing else on that late. He watched the unpopular game show, yawing more than he’d like. The TV screen was too bright, so he closed his eyes.

“Junsu, hey, you’re gonna hurt your neck if you stay in that position any longer.”

“Mmm,” He pushed Yoochun’s hands away, sleep pulling him back to the darkness.

“Junsu, you look very vulnerable right now,” Yoochun warned.

“…Go away,” He mumbled.

Fingers ran through his hair soothingly. “At least move to the couch for me.” Yoochun whispered against his ear.

“Don’t want to…”

“Maybe I should make you,”

Junsu ignored him and tried to fall asleep again. He heard Yoochun moving, the sounds loud with his ear near the floor, and then a warm weight settled on top of him.

Junsu’s eyes snapped open to find Yoochun smirking down from above.

“What are you doing?”

Sleep slipped off his mind quickly as he became aware of every part of his body that touched Yoochun’s. He could feel every breath Yoochun took, felt his chest rise and fall along with his, felt his breath on his face. One of Yoochun’s legs rested in between Junsu’s leg, pressing against his groin. He flushed.

“It’s difficult to watch you sleep, Junsu. You make the most interesting faces. Sorry, I had to wake you up.”

Yoochun caressed his cheek softly. His thumb moving across Junsu’s bottom lip, playing with it. Yoochun gazed at him steadily—Junsu held his breath—and then he leaned down to close the distance between them.

“Yoochun!” Junsu found his voice.

“…Oops, sorry,” Yoochun apologized, his lips hovering just above Junsu’s trembling ones. “May I kiss you?”

“I-I thought we were friends.” Junsu said shakily.

“We are.”

“Friends don’t do these things.”

“Then we’re not friends.”

“…What then?”

“Something else.”

Junsu closed his eyes, he tried to see if he could move his arm, to see if he could push Yoochun away, but he couldn’t. He was frozen.

Yoochun, Yoochun was too close. Had rudely stepped into his sphere of personal space long ago, and he hadn’t even been aware of it, until now.

“May I kiss you, Junsu?”

Junsu made a helpless sound. Yoochun’s words vibrated off his lips, catching him in a trance. Having loss his tenuous hold on control, those words pulled him up and he pushed his lips against Yoochun’s suddenly startled ones. But Yoochun recovered quickly and kissed him back.

It felt different from the one before. He wanted this.

Yoochun swiped his tongue across Junsu’s lips, took his bottom lip into his mouth and sucked at it. His tongue was pushing apart Junsu’s teeth and Junsu opened them for him, their tongues meeting in that wet dance he had never stopped thinking about. Yoochun’s hand encircled around Junsu’s throat, moved higher to cup his jaw.

Their bodies mimicked their tongues, moving and sliding against the other. Junsu felt heat rush from every part of his, flowing and pooling down into his groin. Yoochun was hard against him. He flushed as he ground up to meet Yoochun’s every rocking motion, his own cock hard with need. His hands wandered down Yoochun’s back, feeling every tense muscle through the thin shirt Yoochun wore. Yoochun shifted, and suddenly their groins were grinding against each other and he couldn’t help the moan that climbed up his throat and into Yoochun’s mouth.

Yoochun shook in alarm and ripped his mouth away from Junsu’s. His eyes wide and dark, piercing Junsu in the heart.

“W-what is it?” Junsu asked, his voice hoarse.

Their moist breaths mingled in the space in between as the silence dragged on.

And then slowly, Yoochun leaned down to give Junsu a slow and sweet kiss that tasted too much like the end, before breaking away once more.

“We should probably stop.” Yoochun said breathlessly. Yoochun moved, their groins pressed together, they shuddered. “I only asked you for a kiss after all.” He tried to smile, but his brows were drawn together. Junsu could feel his stomach move against his as he breathed deeply.

Junsu couldn’t think straight. He didn’t want to stop, Yoochun tasted too good, felt too good, to stop. ‘Ask for something more,’ He had wanted to scream, but a tiny voice, almost drowned out by the sound of rushing waves in his ears, told him Yoochun was right. They had to stop.

Reluctantly, he removed his grip on Yoochun’s shirt and placed his palms flat on the floor. Yoochun moved carefully above him and stood up.

“I’ll be outside.” He said, his voice husky. He walked shakily to the balcony door, slid it open, and stepped out into the frigid night.

Junsu watched Yoochun stand outside at that balcony, his back to him, his face to the night sky. Junsu too, got up slowly and walked to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him, leaned against it, and slid down to sit on the floor. He kept his legs apart, his erection still throbbing in his borrowed pants. He covered his face with his hands, gripping his hair at the base. He tried to breathe evenly, tried to stop thinking about how Yoochun was just beyond the door he leaned against, at how he hadn’t wanted to and still didn’t to want stop.

He just kept breathing, until the air no longer came out short and heavy, and until his body had relaxed. After an amount of time had passed, he got up, and turned the faucet on. He caught the flowing water in his cupped hand, leaned down, and splashed the cool liquid on his face. He found a towel to dry it with, looked at himself in the mirror one more time, and walked back to the living room.

Yoochun was putting their books away, his entire demeanor calm and collected now, almost as if nothing had passed between them.

“We should go sleep. It’s late. I think we’ve studied as much as we could.” Yoochun said without meeting his eyes.

Junsu agreed and picked up his own stuff, making certain that he didn’t forget anything. He spotted his eraser on the rug, just around the vicinity where they—He cut off his thoughts and picked up the eraser, stuffing it into his pencil case quickly.

“You can take my bed, I’ll take the couch.” Yoochun told him.

“What? No, I can’t do that.”

“You’re my guest.”

“It’s okay. I can take the couch, really.”

Yoochun rubbed his face, breathing deeply. “We can’t argue about this, we have to sleep soon.”

Junsu thought so too. “Fine, then both of us will sleep in your bed!” He had meant to say something else, “No, I--!” He covered his mouth, no longer trusting it.

Yoochun regarded him thoughtfully and then just shrugged in acceptance. “I’m tired, do what you want.”

Yoochun turned off the lights and the entire apartment was immersed in darkness. Junsu followed alongside Yoochun to the bedroom. It was also dark inside. Yoochun didn’t bother turning the light on. Only a lamp by the bedside table illuminated the place. Yoochun gestured toward the bed. Junsu crossed the room and climbed in, followed by Yoochun. A minute later, the lamp light was turned off too. Moonlight filtered into the room then, creating blue-white slashes of light across the bed cover and Yoochun’s chest.

“Yoochun,” Junsu said after failing to ignore the awkward air hanging around them. “Maybe I should just go home.”

“I thought I was the stupid one,” Yoochun murmured from his side of the bed. “Do you want to leave that bad?”

“No!” Junsu sat up and tried to find Yoochun’s face in the dark. “I just…I don’t know what to think about all this.”

“Just don’t. Think about sleeping instead, and the test we have first thing tomorrow.”

“I…can’t. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until I know what this is all about.”

A sigh of frustration came from Yoochun, “Me too. I have no idea, okay?”

When nothing else seemed forthcoming, Junsu lied back down and pulled the covers around him. He turned his back toward Yoochun. His mind was a blur of thoughts he couldn’t catch long enough to be able to comprehend. There was a pit of frustration bubbling in his stomach.

The mattress groaned against Yoochun shifting in his place. Junsu began to turn but stopped when Yoochun moved up behind him and held him close carefully.

“…Sorry,” he felt more than heard Yoochun say.

To what he was apologizing for, Junsu had no clue. Instead of asking, his turbulent thoughts suddenly ceased whizzing back and forth at Yoochun’s touch. His body, aching and exhausted, relaxed against Yoochun’s hold, and sleep crashed over him quick and unexpected.

He had a dream. Another fragment of a larger dream.

He dreamed of a younger Yoochun in a sea of grass that came up to his waist. He called to Junsu. How Yoochun knew his name he didn’t know.

Junsu called back to him again, but no matter how much he screamed Yoochun’s name, Yoochun didn’t hear him.

Yoochun stood alone in the sea of grass, his back to Junsu.

Junsu held his hand out, but the image was fading, spiraling into grey, until there was only black. And then there was sunlight, and it was morning.

He was alone in the bed, a uniform shirt and a pair of pants hung on the back of the chair by Yoochun’s desk. He groped for his cell phone to check the time and sat up in alarm when he found that he had slept in. Junsu jumped out of the bed and quickly stripped off his borrowed clothes. He threw the uniform on and ran out of the bedroom. He stopped by the bathroom quickly and then stumbled into the living room.

“Yoochun!”

“Hey, good morning.”

“You didn’t wake me up!”

“You snore. Did you know that?”

Junsu growled in frustration.

“I made breakfast. Annnnd we have lunch!” Yoochun showed off two stuffed lunchboxes. “Hey, stop gawking and eat already. We’re gonna be late.”

Spurred into action, Junsu pulled up a chair. Yoochun joined him and they ate breakfast quickly. He didn’t have time to taste the food as he was too busy running his mind through the test material.

After breakfast, Yoochun locked up and they ran down to the bus stop just in time to catch the bus. It was full like in most mornings and they had to squeeze through the crowd as they got on. They ended up somewhere in the middle with only a precarious hold on the bar running along the roof of the bus to keep themselves from falling over. The moving bus caused the crowd to shift forward, backward, and sideways, he lost his hold but Yoochun caught him. He leaned against Yoochun, holding onto him as the bus moved along. Yoochun stood too close again. He wondered when exactly, had he stopped minding the intrusion.

He had always stood alone, apart from the crowd. It wasn’t on purpose. He just ended up that way. He could probably blame the move for his isolated ways, but even before then, all he remembered was of being alone.

Unbidden, recollections of that tiny place he had left behind came to mind; the overgrown grass, the shade of a large occupying tree, and the fading laughter of a young boy.

“Hey, you guys interested in a game? We need one more player.” Junsu looked up from his book. The day was warm for late autumn, a lot of people were outside to take advantage of it, even them.

The guy waited for their response, while the rest of the participating players took up position in the baseball field. Junsu looked away with disinterest and was about to declined the offer when Yoochun volunteered.

“What?” Junsu asked in surprise.

“I said I’ll play. It looks fun.” He grinned and nodded to the guy standing before them. The guy left to tell the other people the news. Junsu watched him closely.

“Do you even know how to play? I’ve never seen you in your gym uniform.”

“Of course, I do.” Yoochun smiled and pushed off the ground he had been lying on. He dusted grass off his pants, “This won’t take long,” he said as he ran toward the field.

Junsu watched Yoochun walk away. A cold wind blew past. Beneath the shadow of the tree he sat under, it became cold.

continue here

Thanks for reading!

[FIC] Never Again Part 16

2009-01-15T08:35:31Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 16/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: YunJaeHo, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter:01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

There was such a thing, Jaejoong thought, as absolute cruelty. And it existed as dreams, showing things that never were.

Yoochun read through the script in his hands, his lips turned up into a relaxed smile.

Jaejoong watched him with wary, but greedy eyes, as he had for the last three days. Or what passed as three days in this world he had woken up in. He blanked out often, and the next thing he knew, night had turned into a new day, and Yoochun had yet to disappear like smoke before his eyes.

Yoochun had said that he had come in and out of consciousness several times. That an accident during his own stunt had landed him there. It had been raining and things happened when it rained. But he couldn’t remember any of it, and for good reason, Jaejoong thought, as there was nothing to remember. This world was only make-believe. Just cardboard walls, painted windows, and artificial sunlight.

Yoochun turned another page.

“Orders are you’ll have to stay for a few more days just to make sure nothing else is wrong. I don’t see what the big deal is. You’ll get your memories back. And if you don’t…” Yoochun shrugged, “Trust me, you’re not gonna miss them. It was ugly.”

He paused then, as if jolted by a thought, and looked up from the script quickly, “Hey, you remember me, right?”

Jaejoong nodded stiffly.

“Oh, good. Then that’s all that matters!” Yoochun smacked the bounded papers against his lap. His smile, disarming.

Jaejoong stared at Yoochun’s fingers, noting how the tips got pink from holding onto the script too hard. That as much as he looked, Yoochun was not transparent as ghosts were said to be.

“J-Junsu,”

“Hm?” Yoochun opened the script once again, looking for the page he last read.

“Where’s Junsu?” Jaejoong clarified.

“Filming. Where else? He was by a couple of times, but you know how it is, time is money.”

“Yeah,” Jaejoong opened and closed his fist. Just one hand, the other one hurt too much to move. His right arm was broken.

“You okay, hyung? You’ve been….weird.” Yoochun looked at him worriedly.

“I hurt like hell.” But he didn’t say it was only imaginary pain, because these bandages covered fake wounds. Soot for the bruises, ketchup for the blood.

“Right. That makes sense.” Yoochun said, but thought about it again. “No, I mean,” He stood up, the legs of his chair scraping across the floor.

Jaejoong watched him warily, holding his breath.

When Yoochun reached out to touch his shoulder, Jaejoong backed away.

Yoochun looked hurt, but that’s okay, Jaejoong thought, because the dead can’t feel.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Yoochun asked, baffled by his actions.

Jaejoong gritted his teeth. He shook his head. “I’m not.”

“…Then,”

Yoochun sat on the bed carefully, hand seconds away from Jaejoong’s thigh.

Panic bubbled up Jaejoong’s throat, clogging it, expanding into the width, and it became hard to breathe.

Yoochun was too close.

Jaejoong clutched at his chest, no air was coming in. There was a loud humming in his ear, like open car windows or beating wings. Dark spots flashed in his vision. He tried to blink them away. Yoochun called out to him, but all Jaejoong heard were crashing waves and distant ships.

Yoochun reached out in concern.

Jaejoong’s eyes widened. “Don’t…” He gasped, glaring sharply at Yoochun.

But Yoochun had always been stubborn.

“Don’t touch me!” Jaejoong screamed, the words bursting from his lips.

Yoochun froze, his hand suspended in mid-air.

“But, hyung…” Then very slowly, his fingers curled in and he dropped his hand.

Jaejoong caught his breath. Concentrated on breathing normally. Breathing in, breathing out.

“W-why not?” Yoochun asked instead.

Jaejoong gulped in air and gasped it out. He shut his eyes tightly, held onto the blanket and took comfort in its solidness. ‘Because you’re going to disappear’, was all Jaejoong could think.

Jaejoong clutched his head, a pulsing headache had formed. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real.

“Hyung…” Yoochun said with a touch of desperation in his voice. “Did something happen?”

Even imaginary, it hurt to treat Yoochun this way. Even imaginary, he should cherish it, tell him what was important.

Jaejoong lifted his head and met with Yoochun’s uncertain gaze. He parted his lips, but was unable to say anything in the end. Which one of those parting words: ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I love you’, ‘good bye’, were the magic words that would break the spell?

“Hyung?”

Jaejoong shook his head. Just a little more.

Yoochun retreated to his seat and watched him worriedly.

Jaejoong crossed his arms over his chest, holding the feelings in. He watched Yoochun, just as he had done in the last three days.

Like curling clouds of steam, the wind was warm against his face. Jaejoong sat on a wheelchair and Yoochun stood behind him. The hospital’s garden was filled with sunlight. It was spring, instead of the last days of autumn. The air smelled like the ocean, but Yoochun said they were in the middle of the city.

He turned his head to look back at Yoochun.

Yoochun had been watching him, but had not attempted to touch him again.

Jaejoong turned back to the sunlit garden. He lifted his hand. It was drenched in golden light. He closed his hand. The sun was warm against his skin.

In this world where time stopped when he closed his eyes and time began once he had opened them again, Jaejoong wondered how long he had until the last grain of sand slipped through the hour glass’ narrow neck.

He didn’t know which scared him more, that any minute now time may run out or that the next minute will be followed by another, and then another.

He had become unsure. When before he was certain that this world was just a dream, every day that passed worked to convince him otherwise.

In this world, Yunho’s touch and Changmin’s laughter…

But…

He glanced to the side, at Yoochun’s hand on the handle bars of his wheelchair.

But.

Jaejoong woke up to find the seat beside his bed empty, but on his bedside table, a note said:

“Getting breakfast, Be right back. Yoochun.”

He reached for the note and was unable to suppress the foolish grin on his face. He tucked the note under his pillow as the grin settled into a tender smile.

He wanted to stay within that tender smile forever.

“A cupcake!” Yoochun laughed. “And the award for the best original idea for a birthday present goes to…” He drum-rolled.

Jaejoong frowned. “Hey, at least I got you something. That had been a busy month for us.”

Yoochun grinned. “You got that right. I didn’t even know it was my birthday until you reminded me.”

Jaejoong smiled softly at the memory. They sat under the shade of one of the large trees in the garden. It was too hot under the sun. The sweat made his wounds itch. Yoochun sat beside him on a stone bench, their shoulders seconds and eternities apart.

He gazed sidelong at Yoochun, watching him. He noted how his eyes became mere slits when he laughed, noticed the little crinkle at the side of his eyes, and how his shoulders drew up like he couldn’t help it.

Jaejoong played with the fraying edge of his cast. Rolling the bits of plaster he managed to tear out of the whole between his fingertips.

“Your birthday is coming up isn’t it?” He flicked the small ball of plaster away. “I’ll make a real cake this time.”

Yoochun tilted his head up to the sky like he was waiting for something.

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” A tiny chuckle rolled out from his lips. “I almost forgot again.” He sighed and sat back. “A real cake, huh? You sure you could manage, though?” Yoochun tore his eyes away from the slowly darkening sky and looked pointedly at his cast.

Jaejoong gripped the white shell around his injured arm. “I’ll have help.”

Yoochun smiled at him fondly. “Me?”

A lone raindrop burst against Jaejoong’s arm and was soon followed by another, until his cast was as rain-spotted as the ground around them. Although the sky had darkened, the sun still shone from behind the cover of a few clouds. The water droplets looked like golden needles falling from the sky. And despite their fiery tinge, the water was cool against his skin.

“Wow, a sunshower.” Yoochun stood up and held his hand out to catch the sunlit rain.

Yoochun watched the sky and Jaejoong watched Yoochun. He took in every detail, every drop of rain that spotted his shirt, that ran down his cheeks, that bounced off the tips of his hair. Yoochun’s back to him, outlined by the grayish-golden sky…

“We should get you inside, hyung.” Yoochun said. He was smiling, but once he’d faced Jaejoong fully, the smile disappeared. He quickly kneeled down in front of him. His hands curled into nervous fists.

“Hyung?”

A tiny crease appeared between Yoochun’s eyebrows. Jaejoong raised his hand and then curling his fingers in, dropped it on his lap. A raindrop rolled down his cheek.

Yoochun bit his lip thoughtfully and then squared his shoulders. He raised his hand up slowly just as Jaejoong had, giving Jaejoong plenty of time to stop him or to move away.

Jaejoong sat still.

Yoochun’s fingers touched his cheek—the part that was directly connected to his heart. His thumb ran across the skin there and wiped away the tears that had started to mix in with the cool rain.

“Hey…” Yoochun smiled softly, “Are you okay?”

Jaejoong covered Yoochun’s hand with his and touched empty air.

It was raining outside when he opened his eyes. It was raining, and it was autumn, and Yoochun was still dead.

The rain continued to pour down the mountain the next morning. Yunho had said it wasn’t safe to travel down due to the slippery slopes and muddy treks.

Jaejoong knew this too, as he had a chance to see them for himself that morning, when the light in the sky was but a faint glow and the trees and rocks were mere glimmering, shadowy figures to his adjusting eyes.

Restless after his dream, he had wanted to walk if off of his system. The wet weather only stopped him long enough to grab one of the coats off a hook by the front door. In his haste, he had forgotten his shoes and that was when he had encountered the muddy ground and the tiny streams Yunho now spoke of. The doughy earth molded against his feet, cold water surging between his toes. However, he only got so far as a few steps beyond the gate--his freezing fingers stark white against the black bark of a tree--until he felt the urge to go back. It hadn’t been the rain that stopped him from going into the soaked forest, it had been the image of Yoochun’s sweet smile and the syrupy grip of guilt that stopped him in his tracks.

Drenched to his skin, he returned to the tiny house.

Changmin waited for him at the doorstep with a towel and a strong embrace. It seemed the other man was a very light sleeper.

He told Jaejoong later on, once he had bathed and was dry, about how convenient the forest was for getting rid of images of the past. The branches, twigs, and rocks pulled and ripped at the pictures in one’s mind at a run, and for a while, the mind became clear. But once the running stopped, the images were quick to catch up…

“…And then not only are you lost in the forest, but you’re miserable too.” Changmin had said as he handed Jaejoong a hot cup of tea with a sympathetic smile on his face.

At that time, watching Changmin’s profile lit by the slowly waking flames of the stove, Jaejoong had missed him, as if it had been days instead of just a few hours that he had last seen him. And as Junsu and Yunho emerged from the bedroom and into the open space of the kitchen, he realized that he had missed them too.

The day, time seemed to stand still now. The waiting feeling was gone. He was fighting it, but reality was--trickling and spiraling into a narrow point--slowly sinking in.

Jaejoong stood by the open window of the bedroom, his breath condensing in the air. On the floor, by his feet, were the futons they had slept on, sheets still strewn across them. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers digging into his biceps as he glared at the bleak outdoors. He felt unsettled, as if he had left a part of himself somewhere and he came back incomplete. He squeezed his arm tighter and then stopped, still feeling like he shouldn’t add anymore to his injuries.

There was only a light drizzling now. The heavy clouds still hung overhead as if resting, taking a long, indrawn breath before it started shedding water onto the earth again. The rain had left the scenery grey, stripping it off of its colors. It wasn’t a gray Jaejoong liked. It reminded him of bones and ashes. It was the kind of gray found in cemeteries, on gravestones, washed gray by time.

From below him, the stench of decaying leaves rose from the ground. It threatened the memories of fragrant spring flowers that still lingered in his nostrils. He covered his nose with his hand quickly and turned his back on the gray landscape. He wanted gold inlaid into the rain. He wanted the scent of the sea.

Jaejoong laid down on the futon and pulled the heavy blankets over him. In the semi-darkness, he feared falling asleep and dreaming, and not finding the right one.

He had no idea how long he stayed under the covers, but Junsu found him after a while to invite him out.

“Hyung,”

“…Yeah,” His voice sounded weird underneath, as if it didn’t make it out.

“We’re gonna get some fresh air. Changmin says you can see the fishes in the streams really well after the rain.”

Jaejoong hugged the pillow to his chest.

“Go on without me.”

“You sure? Don’t you want to see something else? I mean this house is nice and all, but staring at the same ceiling and walls is getting pretty boring.” Junsu insisted.

Jaejoong stared at the wall of fabric in front of him.

“I’ll see you later, Junsu.”

But instead of leaving, Jaejoong heard him approach and then Junsu’s hand was slipping inside the covers and landing softly on his forehead.

“What’s the matter? You’re not feeling well?”

Jaejoong covered Junsu’s hand with his. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine. Want me to stay with you?”

Jaejoong shook his head. “No, just go Junsu. Have fun. Don’t fall into the water.”

Junsu laughed. “I’ll try. You sure you don’t want to come?”

“Yeah.”

Junsu hesitated for a bit and then Jaejoong heard his footsteps as he walked away.

A few minutes later, footsteps approached the bedroom once more. Jaejoong wondered if Junsu decided to stay with him in the end.

He didn’t move, just stayed still until he could feel the person stand over him, and then sit beside his futon. A gentle hand touched the fabric covering his shoulder searchingly, and then it slid down his arm and rested about where his hand was.

Jaejoong’s hand twitched and then slowly slipped out from under the blankets. His fingers curled in as it was exposed to the air. He had forgotten how cold it was beyond the sheets. A second further and he encountered Yunho’s fingers. Almost shyly, as if it had been a while since he had held him, Jaejoong intertwined their fingers together. It had been the first time, ever since he had woken from his dream that Jaejoong had felt a bit grounded, anchored in real time.

“Junsu-sshi had closed the door before I could get out. I think that meant I should stay here with you.” Yunho said after a while. “That or he just doesn’t like me.”

Jaejoong smiled against the pillow. “He likes you.”

“Oh,” Yunho’s thumb stroked the back of his hand. “I feel better now.”

Jaejoong chuckled softly.

“How about you, Jaejoong-sshi? How are you feeling?”

Jaejoong stared at the slim line of light at the blanket’s edge, at his arm sticking out of it.

“A little better…” He said truthfully.

“Glad to hear it.” Yunho squeezed his hand. “So, will I get to see the rest of you now? Maybe catch up to Changmin and Junsu-sshi?”

Jaejoong shook his head. “I like it in here.”

It had been one of Yoochun’s habits he had picked up. Yoochun hid in closets and under the blankets when he had needed a world of his own for a duration of time. Jaejoong would usually find him in those cramp spaces and join him…

“…Then,” Yunho lifted the edge of the blanket a slice. “You got room for one more?”

Jaejoong’s eyes widened and his hand shook in Yunho’s grip. A tiny smile pushed past his lips. He took a deep breath and pulled Yunho inside.

It took a while to orient themselves. With two of them under the covers, the edges of the sheets lifted with their movements and cold air got in.

Jaejoong was used to sharing the bed. Junsu was a messy sleeper and ate up so much space that Jaejoong could never forget he was alone. But with Junsu, their bodies, legs, hips, arms, touching wasn’t a big deal. With Yunho, it was different.

Yunho chuckled as he grabbed the edge of the sheets on his side as it lifted once again. As for Jaejoong, he had placed the edge of the sheet on his side under his body to pin it down and lay sideways parallel to Yunho. He watched Yunho try to find a better way of not letting the cold air in for a few more seconds, before grabbing the front of his shirt and had him lie closer. After that, the cold air stopped seeping inside.

“Sorry, about that.”

“S’okay, I needed some fresh air anyway.”

Yunho held up the roof of fabric and peered at him.

“Nice place you got here.”

“Thanks. It’s small and cramped, but it’s going to be home for today.”

Yunho rested the side of his head comfortably on the pillow and met his gaze in the semi-darkness.

“You’re planning on staying here all day?”

“Possibly longer.”

“All night then?”

“Maybe forever.”

Yunho raised an eyebrow.

“With occasional trips to the bathroom and kitchen, of course.”

Yunho grinned. “You know, it might be cold and a little gray out there, but it’s not that bad.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “It’s nicer in here.”

Yunho looked around. “It is, but it might get boring eventually.”

“You can visit me from time to time.”

“What? Like, ‘hi, neighbor, got some sugar under there?’”

“Sorry, try the kitchen.”

“Okay, so I can’t ask for things,” Yunho said thoughtfully. “Except for a pillow maybe.”

“Try bringing something instead.”

“I could bring flowers.” Yunho suggested.

“I’ll need a vase.”

“I could bring that too.”

Their smiles mirrored one another.

“What if…” Yunho’s gaze flicked away for a second, but returned with a kind of stubborn determination. “What if I wanted to take you out?”

Jaejoong blinked in surprise. The air inside the sheets seemed suddenly warmer than before. “You don’t have to take me out.” He whispered, feeling around for words. “This could be our first date.”

Yunho’s lips curled up into a pleased smile. “Interesting place for our first date.”

“Nothing much to do though.” Jaejoong smiled apologetically.

“What are you talking about? There are plenty of things to do under here.” Yunho smirked.

“Like?” Jaejoong felt his heart in his throat, it was hard to swallow, kind of hard to think too when Yunho was this close.

“Don’t know about you,” Yunho murmured. “But the first thing that comes to mind would be…”

Yunho shifted closer. Jaejoong held his breath. Yunho held out his hand. Jaejoong stared at it.

“Rock, paper, or scissors?” Yunho asked seriously.

Jaejoong blinked. And blinked again.

There was a small tugging at the corner of Yunho’s lips and Jaejoong burst out laughing. He covered his mouth with his arms, flailing, as his shoulders shook uncontrollably. Yunho was laughing too, his voice ringing true and making everything it bounced off of more solid, less transparent, less dreamlike to Jaejoong.

Jaejoong could feel himself becoming heavier too, more solid against the futon, until the very tips of his fingers tingled with feeling, and he could no longer smell spring flowers, and feel blinded by cloudless skies, and he was able to move his arm freely because all this time, it hadn’t been broken.

The laughter faded from his lips slowly and Jaejoong stared unseeingly at the blanket Yunho held up. He glanced from the blanket to Yunho who looked down at him worriedly.

“Are you okay, Jaejoong-sshi?” Yunho asked softly.

Jaejoong felt the hot trail of tears slide down his hairline, right above his ears.

The dream, like every day that passed, every minute, and every second, was gone, and Jaejoong felt the great distance between here and Yoochun stretch onward. On and on.

He drew his hand up and wiped the tears away.

“Yeah,”

Yunho looked unconvinced.

He reached up then, and cupped Yunho’s face in his hands. He took comfort in the solidness of Yunho’s jaw, in the realness of his skin, in his capable warmth. Jaejoong pulled Yunho downward and shivered at the meeting of their lips.

The sheets slipped from Yunho’s shoulders and let the cold air and gray light in.

~TBC

Thank you for reading.

[barely a ficlet] jaeho

2008-12-17T09:47:21Z

Was talking to hyungie about skiing and this little ~~snow~~ plot bunny showed up. XD Totally random and probably doesn't even make sense with a lame ending but...yeah, enjoy. XD Needed a warm up before I start working on that other fic..yeah that one. XD

Untitled
jaeho + min

Jaejoong gripped Yunho’s scarf tightly to keep him from moving away as his mouth devoured Yunho’s. The kiss was all tongue, fear, and bravado. With one last appreciative groan, he released their leader’s lips and moved a second back to look him in the eyes.

“See you on the other side, baby.”

Yunho secured Jaejoong’s goggles for him and with an affirming nod, turned to their left to look down at the deep and snow-covered abyss that Jaejoong was about to ski down on.

“You sure about this?” He couldn’t help asking again.

“As sure as my heart is yours.” Jaejoong grinned confidently.

“Don’t you mean, ‘as sure as another broken leg’? Changmin asked skeptically beside them.

Jaejoong frowned. “Remember, brat, winner buys the hot chocolate.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Changmin waved him off. “By the way, you’re crazy, hyung.”

“Crazy in love, Changmin, crazy in love.” He got into position.

“That has nothing to do with this.” The youngest pointed out.

“It has everything to do with this.” Jaejoong grinned, narrowed his eyes, threw Yunho one last flying kiss and screamed his lungs out before lunging forward and throwing himself into destiny. “I love you Jung Yunho!”

“Love you too, Jaejoongah!” He heard as his skis cut against the snow and propelled him down the steep hill.

“So far so good,” He cackled as he swerved to his left and then to his right, gripping onto his poles tightly.

He progressed downward smoothly and swiftly. Flakes and waves of snow hedged his sides as he moved. The freezing mountain air bit against his cheeks as adrenaline pumped and rushed through him. His eyes lit up at the sight of the end of the course. He was halfway there. The taste of hot chocolate and victory was within his grasp, just a little bit more.

And then he tripped. And everything that came afterwards involved a lot of rolling and just white and ended with him eating snow.

Jaejoong groaned. He thought he heard Yunho’s worried cry, but maybe that was just his brain breaking.

“Oww,” He extended his arms out and pushed up and off the ground slowly. Sitting up carefully, and unlatching his skis, he assessed the damage. Finding nothing more serious than a few aches here and there, he turned his attention toward the hill that had just kicked his ass. Just in time to see it do the same to his beloved leader-sshi.

“Oof!” went his Yunho a couple of snow bunny steps away from him.

“Yunho-yah!” He tried to get up, but his body refused to do more than sit up. Not allowing that to stop him, he crawled on his hands and knees until he had reached Yunho’s side.

Jaejoong poked Yunho. “Baby, you alright?”

“mmpm pmpm muummpumm”

“What?”

Yunho raised his head and spat out a mouthful of snow. “I said, are you okay?”

Jaejoong grinned. “Yep, you?”

Yunho got up, groaning with every movement, freed his boots from the skis, and then patted Jaejoong’s arms and legs carefully. When Jaejoong showed no signs of being hurt, he plopped back down.

“God, you scared me.”

Jaejoong petted Yunho’s hair. “You got here pretty quick.”

“Just jumped in, didn’t even think about it.”

“Aw.” Jaejoong pulled Yunho close so that he could continue that kiss he had started a couple of altitudes ago.

Yunho, of course kissed back and their passionate kiss had just started melting the snow around them when a wave of the white stuff hovered above and then covered them. Changmin stopped smoothly in front of them, that aggravating smirked painted smack across his face.

“Guess who owes me hot chocolate?” He sing-songed.

Jaejoong wiped away the snow on Yunho’s face and continued his assault on the already kiss-swollen lips. Yunho’s arms went around him and they found themselves lying down on the white and fluffy floor.

“Oh geez.” Changmin groaned.

“Jaejoongah” Yunho gasped, pulling him to lie on top of him.

Jaejoong slid his tongue across Yunho’s lips, the taste of snow and Yunho…or well, just Yunho, intoxicating.

“Once you’re ready to buy me that cup of hot chocolate, find me at the lodge.” Were Changmin’s parting words.

Jaejoong barely heard it as Yunho had just rolled them over so that he was now lying under Yunho’s warm and solid body. Oh yes.

Yunho showered his face with many butterfly kisses before pinning him with the leader-sshi glare. “That hill. We will not do that again.”

Jaejoong held Yunho’s head still and kissed the frown away before answering, “Aw but if I get Yunho kisses after every fall, why not?”

“You can get Yunho kisses without throwing yourself down a mountain,” Yunho couldn’t hold the frown for that long because Jaejoong’s kisses are just that good.

“You mean kisses are for free?”

Yunho snickered. “Yuh. No wait, you owe Changmin hot chocolate.”

Jaejoong shrugged. “Okay, almost for free.”

Yunho looked down at him with a tender and loving smile as he had a tendency to do, like.all.the.time.forever.and.ever.

“My ass is cold.” Jaejoong frowned.

“Yeah, mine too.”

“I have a good idea,” Jaejoong wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Yunho grinned. “Funny, as do I. Does it involve getting out of here, back inside and a warm bath?”

“Oh, yeahhh.” Jaejoong pulled Yunho down for a kiss. “Let’s skip buying that drink for Changmin, takes too long.”

“He won’t be happy.”

“He knew what he was getting into challenging me to a match he knew he would win but not really.”

“Oh well,” Yunho said standing up and the helping him up as well, “as long as he’s aware.” He grinned swinging them around so that they faced the right direction.

They made their way back to the lodge, carrying their ski equipment with them.

“I love you Jung Yunho!” Jaejoong declared.

“I love you, Kim Jaejoong!” Yunho returned.

“Before you cause an avalanche, at least get me my hot chocolate.” Changmin said not very far from them.

Jaejoong grinned as he leered at Yunho. “Oh, we’ll show him how to cause an avalanche.”

Yunho grinned back, “That we will.” He murmured as he pulled Jaejoong by his jacket for a deep and promising kiss.

~lame ending tadah~

Lols. Can't believe you read that. Umm thank you and I hope you were entertained. XD

[FIC] Never Again Part 15

2008-12-09T01:36:22Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 15/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: YunJaeHo, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter:01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14.

Lately, Jaejoong dreamed of the same thing.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Came a persistent sound set in an unbroken rhythm. Desperate waiting interpreted into sound; a beat from the places in between.

Jaejoong padded down the hallway on bare feet, grimacing at the freezing floorboards. He came to a stop in front of the bathroom door, pressing his ear against it. He listened for the sound of running water and knocked when he found none.

“Junsu, I’m coming in.”

After a short wait, a muffled reply came from inside.

Jaejoong walked in and was instantly engulfed by the thick and humid air left by Junsu’s recent shower. It smelled strongly of the shampoo they were using, and was actually a welcome respite from the frigid and crisp air that hung over the rest of the apartment.

Walking further into the room, he noted the wet sheen on the floor and paused to roll up the hem of his pants. Pants bottoms secured, he treaded forward, not minding the wet floor.

Junsu sat in the small tub. His legs drawn up, knees peeking out just above the water as five rubber ducks floated in the soapy water around them. His arms rested on either side of the tub, fingers playing a soundless tune, while his head rested against the tiled wall, his face turned up to the ceiling, eyes closed.

The dripping of the faucet measured every breath he took as ripples broke against his exposed chest to form smaller ripples. There was a sense of contemplation in the small space, as if it was filled with Junsu’s thoughts and like the ripples, Jaejoong broke pass them as he approached their source.

He hooked a tiny stool with his foot, sat down, and then extended a hand forward, dipping his fingers into the tepid bath to flick water at Junsu.

Junsu twitched.

“You forgot your towel,” he said, placing the folded length of cloth atop a dry ledge nearby.

Junsu wiped the water droplets from his face as he opened his eyes. His movements disturbed the water and the small flock of rubber ducks bobbed their heads to and fro.

“Thanks. Had to get out of the cold as soon as possible, you know?”

“Yeah, it’s freezing out there.” Jaejoong agreed as he glanced out at the fogged up window.

“Sorry, I made a mess.” Junsu peered around Jaejoong at the trail of clothes he had left on the floor.

“It’s okay. I know you’ll pick them up.” Jaejoong shrugged easily, causing a petulant pout to be thrown his way.

“Or I guess I could just pick them up on my way out.” He remedied the pout away.

“You’re so spoiled.” He teased.

“Hey, it’s all of your doing,” Junsu rebuffed, submerging his arms. A sheet of water cascaded down the side of the tub and onto the floor.

Jaejoong followed the water as it trailed down the slopping floor and then drain into the little holes in the middle. “I should stop spoiling you then, let you grow up.”

“Yeah, but then you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

“I could always adopt Changmin.” He challenged.

Junsu gave an amused snort. “Ha! Good luck with that. He’s even more spoiled than me.”

“More than you? Impossible.” Jaejoong said, feigning incredulous.

“Yeah! Do you see how much Yunho-hyung and Grandma-Shim spoils that kid? Pretends his not aware of it, but don’t be fooled.” he tsked knowingly.

Jaejoong opened his mouth to challenge that claim, but paused as he caught up to Junsu’s words, and smiled instead. Lowering his amused eyes, he tapped one of the ducks head, dunking it into the water.

“Yunho-hyung?”

Junsu paused too. “Is it weird? It is, isn’t it?” He asked wringing a rubber duck in his hands.

Jaejoong shook his head. “No,” And rescued the duck from any further torture. “I’m glad you like him.”

“Well, I like Changmin better.” Junsu clarified and grabbed another duck from the flock, but was a little gentler with it than he had been with the first.

“How about you?” Junsu’s gaze slid from the duck and flicked up to meet his sharply.

The rubber duck made a tiny protesting squeak when Jaejoong squeezed it.

“…I like them both.” He said wide-eyed.

But Junsu seemed to think otherwise as he pushed off the tub a little in able to lean closer toward him. “Yeah?”

Jaejoong frowned. “Yeah.”

“You sure?” Junsu persisted.

“Junsu,” He warned. “What’s this about?”

Junsu stared at him a bit more, eyes narrowed and suspicious, before he shrugged and returned to the water.

“Junsu?” Now he was curious.

“It’s nothing.”

Jaejoong moved his hand over the water and flicked it again at Junsu. “Hey, don’t give me that. That didn’t look like ‘nothing’ to me.”

Junsu had looked away, focusing on the dripping faucet across him as a contemplative expression fell over his face. “You just look at him differently, that’s all.”

Jaejoong gaped. Sometimes, Junsu’s knack for picking up on things was a bit unnerving.

“D-do I?” He schooled his features and poked one of the floating ducks, failing at nonchalance.

“Sometimes. When you don’t know anyone’s looking.”

Jaejoong flushed. “Huh.”

Shifting in his seat, he started to play with the rubber duck in his hands. He traced its little beak as he gathered the words he needed.

“He helped me out a lot, you know?” His voice came out a little rough. “Back then. Still is...”

Junsu nodded stiffly and with a quieter voice of his own, confessed, “Maybe that’s what’s stopping me from liking him.”

Jaejoong watched Junsu.

“…Because he had been there for you, when it could have been just us. Yoochun-hyung was ours. That guy was a stranger. How could he possibly know what we had lost?”

Jaejoong heard the frustration in Junsu’s voice, the residual resentment of the months before. Gripping the side of the tub, Jaejoong pushed himself forward and enveloped Junsu into a tight hug.

“Hyung!” Junsu yelped.

At Junsu’s surprised movements, water splashed down the sides of the bathtub, wetting Jaejoong’s feet further. He felt the water soaking into his shirt, but didn’t care.

“Sorry,” He whispered instead, “so sorry.”

“Hyung, you’re getting wet, your shirt--” Junsu fought against his hold for a minute, trying to save the rest of him from getting wet, but Jaejoong only strengthened his embrace.

“Okay! Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t feel that way anymore, stop apologizing. Argh! You’re wet, hyung.”

Realizing that he wasn’t about to let go, Junsu eventually settled down and accepted his hug. His wet hand petted Jaejoong’s dry hair, as if he was the one that had needed reassuring.

“I’m okay now. I don’t feel that way anymore. I like him. I like Changmin. I like this place. I’m not mad anymore, okay?” Junsu rattled on in response to his silence.

Jaejoong smiled against Junsu’s wet hair and nodded. Slowly, he drew back, wincing as his shirt clung to his skin. “Okay.”

Junsu sighed in relief to his smile. “Jeez, don’t overreact. Acting like I’m gonna cry. I’m not a crybaby!”

“No, you’re right. That’s Yoochun’s job.” Jaejoong grinned.

“That big baby.” Junsu agreed, a similarly fond grin on his face. “Now, go away. The water’s getting cold and I’m not even done yet.”

Jaejoong stood back, holding his shirt away from his chest. He wasn’t looking forward to stepping out of the room. “Okay, hurry up before you turn pruney.”

Junsu rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom.”

“Smartass.” He grinned and stepped out.

“Camping!?”

“It depends on the weather though. Maybe we can do just the hiking part.” Jaejoong explained what he and Yunho had spoken about earlier that day.

“Interesting, we haven’t built a bonfire in a long time.” Changmin added thoughtfully.

“Bonfire!” Junsu exclaimed in childlike excitement.

Outside, the wind blew hard enough to rattle the window panes. Jaejoong took a sip of his tea.

Across from him, Yunho looked pleased at Junsu’s excitement. “Changminah, do you still have the sleeping bags from last year?”

“Yeah, should be in the storage. I’m pretty sure we have some extra ones too.”

“That’s great.” Yunho poured himself some more tea. He looked toward Jaejoong and offered him a refill.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“’kay.” Yunho smiled. His gaze was a heavy penetrating thing.

“We need marshmallows!” Junsu announced as he plopped down beside Jaejoong. “Lots of marshmallows.” He fished out his wallet and started counting.

Jaejoong frowned. “Am I the only one who’s opposed to this whole camping thing? It’s freezing out there!” Jaejoong shivered at the mere thought of it.

“Three against one,” Yunho grinned. “Besides, I thought you liked the idea.”

“That was before we stepped outside and froze like popsicles! I take it back.” Jaejoong grumbled as he sunk further into Yunho’s warm couch, pulling the blanket Yunho had thrown over him closer.

“No take-backs,” Changmin chided as he grabbed a cookie from the plate Junsu was currently hoarding.

Jaejoong sighed. He was outnumbered.

“Maybe you’ll feel better about it if hyung had told you we’re not going to be sleeping inside a tent.”

Jaejoong gawked. Changmin held out a hand to indicate he hadn’t finished explaining.

“There’s a tiny house up there. We use it from time to time during the hotter days or well in this case, colder days. It belonged to my grandmother’s family. Hm, I guess that would make it mine too.” He grinned, delighted.

“So why is she living down here then?” Junsu asked what Jaejoong had wanted to know.

Yunho snickered. “You’ll see.”

Junsu and Jaejoong looked at each other worriedly.

“Arghghghg! Stop, stop!” Jaejoong found a large rock by the trail-side and sat down. “I think I recall you saying hilly.” He huffed. “Hilly! Not mountainous!”

Below them, the tiny town still slept.

Yunho, who was a few steps ahead of him, stopped to look back. “We’ve barely left flat ground, Jaejoong-sshi.” His teeth were sparkling in the morning sun.

“Keep that up and I’ll show you how much of a mountain this is,” He threatened. He hadn’t expected for Yunho to show up very early that morning and practically pull him and Junsu out of the door. They were given bags to carry each and soon they were climbing this mountainous terrain.

“They looked prettier from the distance, especially from my window, when I’m on my bed.” Junsu wheezed out from behind him.

“Argh! Quit complaining! I’m hungry!” Changmin cut in from above them.

“You’re hungry? I’m hungry and tired!” Junsu yelled.

“I’m hungry, tired and sleep-deprived!” Changmin yelled right back.

“Well I’m hungry, tired and--”

“That’s what the both of you get for staying up all night playing video games!”

Yunho put an end to their bickering.

Junsu and Changmin glared at Yunho.

“He’s enjoying this too much.” Junsu pointed out to Jaejoong.

Jaejoong's eye twitched. He smacked Junsu. “Well if it wasn’t for a certain someone who decided to help out-vote me three to one because of marshmallows, we would still be sleeping right now.”

“But that was before I found out we had to climb a mountain to get to the marshmallows!” Junsu whined, his voice expanded and was carried across to the wide open space.

Jaejoong opened his mouth to say something back, but shut it when he saw the scenery behind Junsu. “Wow,” Jaejoong stood back and looked around. “You can wake the whole town from here.” He grinned. As much as he complained all the way up, he was enjoying himself and he could tell Junsu was as well. It was beautiful from where they stood.

He looked up and found Yunho’s gaze on him. Adjusting the hold on his backpack, he climbed the last few steps that brought him to Yunho’s side.

“Great view,” He said.

Yunho nodded. “Glad you like it.”

Yunho held his hand out to Junsu. “Come on, Junsu-sshi. We’re almost there.”

Junsu grumbled the last few steps to reach them, took Yunho’s hand, and let himself be dragged up. After a few steps up, Changmin offered his hand and Jaejoong took it. After a few more steps, Junsu had joined Changmin ahead of them and he and Yunho stayed a few steps behind. Their pace slowed as they took in the nature around them. The morning sun climbed with them and just when Jaejoong’s legs had began to shake from the effort of climbing a sloping path, the land evened out and the beginnings of a different kind of path opened up to them.

“We’re here,” Changmin said as he led them down a tiny road hedged by overgrown shrubs and trees. The sunlight penetrated through the canopy of leaves above, spotting them in morning light as they walked beneath it.

Jaejoong stopped in his tracks. He looked up and found some of the sky through the branches and leaves. He followed the sunlight to his hand, onto his open palm. He tried closing his hand around the golden spots, only for them to slip from his grasp and stain his fingers instead. Trying to grasp something that was there and not…had become a familiar feeling.

“Jaejoong-hyung, you coming?” Changmin called out.

Jaejoong looked up to see that Yunho and Junsu had already disappeared through the aged wooden gates of the property. Changmin had stayed behind and now watched him steadily before walking a few steps so that he stood before him.

Changmin looked around, “It’s nice around here, right?”

Jaejoong nodded.

“I didn’t use to like it up here though, but when my parents died, I had to move up here with my grandmother. I hated the climb, complained a lot.” He chuckled in recollection. “And then one day during one of our climbs, she told me, ‘that because our house was at such a high place, it was very close to the sky. That it had become the closest place to where my parents were’. Sorta stopped complaining after that.” He smiled down at Jaejoong.

A tiny smile tugged at Jaejoong’s lips. He observed his sunlit hands. “Did you know? That Yoochun had been terrified of high places?”

Changmin looked up at the sky in question, “That’s perfect then, I guess. It just means he’ll stay much closer to here.”

Jaejoong laughed out loud, startled. He had to reach up to ruffle Changmin’s hair, which the other tolerated for a bit and then stepped back to escape.

“Thanks for bringing us up here.” Jaejoong said.

Changmin shrugged, “It was Yunho-hyung’s idea.”

“Oh,” Jaejoong smiled thoughtfully, “Well then, I’ll make sure to thank him too.”

Jaejoong stoked the fire, adding more wood just to be sure. Once he was satisfied, he sat back and just watched it heat their breakfast.

“Not exactly roughing it,” He observed, leaning back on his arms and titling his head to find Yunho taking out bowls and cups out of his bag and placing them in the sink. At this angle, he was upside-down.

“Disappointed?”

Jaejoong grinned. “Only if you forgot the marshmallows.”

“Oh, I think Junsu-sshi has that covered. Saw him and Changmin stacking up the bags outside.”

Jaejoong bent his elbows to slowly lie down on the straw-weaved floor. The floors were dust-free. He wondered if someone had already been by before them to clean.

Yunho place the last cup in the sink and came over to sit by where Jaejoong lay. He checked on the pot that was boiling atop the tiny wood-burning stove and stirred its contents a few rounds.

Yunho’s mom had prepared their breakfast. Had said they would need something heavier than just buttered toast to keep them warm in such a place.

From where Jaejoong lay, the hem of Yunho’s shirt was but a tug away from his hand on the mat-floor. His fingers twitched, wanting to reach out and pull Yunho to him. It was cold and Yunho looked warm.

Where he got such notions he had no idea. They had just rolled with him out of bed that morning.

When had Yunho become so significant?

Yunho was only wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans--not a dress shirt or pressed slacks--just like the first time he’d met him.

Jaejoong’s eyelids started to close over his eyes. Yunho wasn’t wearing socks.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

…hyung.

A weight being placed over his body woke him.

“Sorry, you looked cold.”

Jaejoong touched the blanket now covering him and looked up at Yunho.

“I fell asleep.” He realized, feeling a bit disconnected.

Yunho nodded in understanding. “The fire was warm.”

Jaejoong looked down at the fire.

“How long was I out?” He sat up groggily, feeling as if a whole chunk of time had passed.

“Not long. Maybe a few minutes.”

“Oh.” He rubbed his face. “Sorry.”

“Nah, I should be the one apologizing. We dragged you out too early.” Yunho sat beside him, he had socks on now.

Jaejoong considered Yunho’s sock-clad feet. Despite the blanket, Jaejoong still felt cold. In his dream, it had been warm.

“You must be hungry too. I’ll call the others.” Yunho said as he got up.

Jaejoong reached out and caught Yunho’s shirt.

Time lapsed. The dust motes in the sunlight seemed to float sluggishly, the snap of the fire sounded less sharp.

“Jaejoong-sshi?”

“…Sorry,” He had no idea what he was apologizing for. He stared at his fingers, clutching around the fabric of Yunho’s shirt. Startled, he let it go.

Yunho turned around and caught his retreating hand, sitting back down.

“Something wrong?”

Jaejoong smiled uncertainly. “No…Just cold, I guess.”

Yunho laughed softly and gathered the blanket around Jaejoong, throwing them over his shoulder snugly.

“Better?” Yunho asked, meeting his gaze.

“…Yeah,” He gripped the blanket closely.

“You’re still shaking, though.”

“It will go away.”

Yunho tapped his hand that was hidden by the blanket so that their gazes met once again. Jaejoong had started to watch the fire.

“Maybe I can help.”

Jaejoong held Yunho’s gaze and then slowly, he nodded his head.

Yunho moved to sit behind him, his legs resting on either side of Jaejoong. He encircled Jaejoong’s shoulders and chest with his arms and pulled him close.

Jaejoong smiled as he recalled the first time Yunho had embrace him. Those many days ago. He realized that Yunho's warmth was something he didn't want to forget. He snuck a hand out from underneath the blanket and found one of Yunho’s hands. At his touch, Yunho moved it above his, so that they intertwined.

They sat like that for a while, watching the fire burn slowly.

At some point, he had begun to doze off again, until Yunho spoke, warm breath rolling against his ear.

“Jaejoong-sshi…”

“Yeah?”

“...Does this scare you?”

Jaejoong gripped Yunho’s hand closer. “A bit,” He confessed.

Yunho pressed his lips to Jaejoong’s shoulder.

Jaejoong could feel it all the way to his heart.

“Yeah, me too.”

Changmin and Junsu found them that way when they came in for breakfast. Junsu’s eyes had widened a fraction, but he didn’t say anything. Changmin just sat down and appeared as if what they had seen wasn't anything out of the ordinary. And Jaejoong wondered if to Changmin, it really wasn’t.

Once breakfast was over, Junsu and Changmin hurried outside, leaving them alone with the dishes.

Yunho and Jaejoong stood side by side, Yunho washed and Jaejoong dried.

“How do you think Junsu-sshi feels about this?” Yunho sounded worried for Junsu.

Jaejoong took the bowl Yunho handed him and wiped it dry. “I’m not sure. Maybe the same as us.”

Yunho paused, soft laughter escaping his lips. “Us, huh?”

Jaejoong paused too, squeezing the cloth in his hand.

“Yeah.”

Putting the cloth aside, he touched Yunho’s shoulder to turn him his way.

Yunho watched him closely as he leaned forward and then met him half-way to join their lips.

Kissing Yunho felt like holding his breath in and sinking under. His skin prickled, pulled, tightening under the pressure.

Yunho moved closer, grasped his chin with wet fingers, and guided their kiss. The pressure began to recede, lifting. His skin relaxed and then he was breathing underneath.

He moved his lips away, just enough to look into Yunho’s eyes again. And then his eyes flickered down to Yunho’s partly opened lips, kissing them again and then releasing.

He drew Yunho into a hug, holding him as tightly as Yunho held him.

The door opened halfway and Junsu’s surprised eyes met his. Jaejoong held his breath. And then Junsu smiled, soft and heartbreaking.

Changmin came up from behind Junsu, meeting Jaejoong’s gaze as well. He grinned knowingly and pulled Junsu away. The door slid close.

Jaejoong exhaled and Yunho kissed him again.

That night the bonfire stretched golden and far up to the night sky.

Jaejoong wondered how far the fire’s warmth could reach as his head fell against Yunho’s shoulder.

In front of them, Changmin and Junsu roasted marshmallows. He looked at his own stick, the marshmallow roasting into a fine light brown.

He looked across the fire once again and caught Junsu looking up at the same sky. Jaejoong knew, that if he told him about the mountain and the sky and the seemingly short gap in between, that Junsu would not laugh like he had. Junsu had stopped believing in those sort of things. In turn, Jaejoong had to believe in them, or else he would never stop looking.

His gaze drifted inward, to the apartment he used to share with Yoochun, to that closed bedroom door. Jaejoong smiled sadly.

A cold wind blew past, he shivered, and Yunho’s arms were around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

He closed his eyes.

Beep.

His eyelids felt heavy.

Beep.

When he was finally able to open them, he shut them close quickly. The soft light he encountered was blinding. He tried again, slower, more carefully. He waited for his blurry vision to clear.

The ceiling was unfamiliar. He was lying down. His head hurt. His body hurt.

His eyes traveled down from the ceiling to take in the room. He recognized the design and equipment. He was in a hospital room, but he had no time to wonder why when his eyes landed on the person sitting by the bed, head and arms bent over the stark white blanket, sleeping.

He lifted his hand, placing it atop the head as if drawn to it.

The person stirred awake. He lifted his head and yawned. He looked around and then met Jaejoong's gaze. His eyes were swollen, as if from too much crying, heavy from the lack of sleep. He smiled.

“Hyung, you’re awake.” Yoochun said.

…Beep.

~TBC

Thank you for reading.

[Giftart] TVXQ, yunjae, for OrangeGirl

2008-08-29T16:03:48Z

A little yunjae for kahel_luna and you yunjae lovers. Enjoy!

Afternoon nap

Happy Friday!

chu

[FIC] Never Again Part 14

2008-08-22T20:00:17Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 14/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaeho, Yoosu, Jaechun (friendship)
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter:01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13.
AN: Many of you have noticed the italized text. I rarely use italics and should probably have stayed away from them, but I just wanted to try it for this chapter. I guess for those who are confused, they are Yunho's "I'll never again..." in chapter 2. I hope that clarified things a bit. I could just take them out, I guess. :D

Yunho shook his head sadly, ‘It doesn’t matter. As long as they don’t…’

The kiss was brief, chaste, and devastating. It lasted for just one second, two, and then very slowly, Yunho released his hold on Jaejoong’s face. For a moment, he lingered in the space they shared, swallowing something unsure, before he drew back completely.

He watched Jaejoong, as his hands drew into fists nervously.

Jaejoong's eyes were wide with surprise, his mouth still shaped into the last form Yunho’s lips had touched.

Thinking this, Yunho resisted the urge to lick his lips to see if Jaejoong’s had carved a shape of their own against his. Instead, he smiled shakily, while a deep flush covered his cheeks. “Sorry,” he said ducking his head. “I just thought a hug wouldn’t cut it this time.”

But just in case, he awkwardly leaned in to envelope Jaejoong into a hug anyway.

Another apology sat on his tongue like a heavy fidgeting thing as a short eternity ticked by. But then, Jaejoong eventually shifted and wrapped his arms around him, his soft laughter trembling in the cool air.

Yunho breathed a sigh of relief.

“Well, it did stop me from bawling my eyes out,” Jaejoong acknowledged.

Yeah, real effective. “Somehow, I can’t picture you doing that,” He said instead, petting Jaejoong's hair like he couldn't help it.

Jaejoong’s hold tightened, “I’m warning you. Don’t even try. It’s not a pretty picture.”

Yunho snickered, “I promise I’ll pretend it’s pretty?”

And this time, Jaejoong’s laughter was loud, roaring, and clear as it vibrated against the high ceilings and far walls. He patted Yunho’s back and then hopped off his seat.

Yunho followed, wondering at Jaejoong’s expression. The actor held a quiet smile on his face, eyes bright and unreadable.

“We should find those two. I wouldn’t be surprised if we walked back into a scene of complete chaos.” Jaejoong frowned.

It disturbed Yunho that such a scene wasn’t so hard to believe.

“Overturned shopping carts, panicking employees, and rolling cabbages?” He pictured it.

“And half-eaten pies.” Jaejoong added.

Their laughter chased each other around the cold room.

Jaejoong turned to him, cocking his head toward the exit with that same smile on his face. “We should really go.”

“Yeah,” Yunho led the way to the pastry section.

Fortunately, there were no rolling cabbages and assaulted pies, just a lot of stuff that hadn’t been on their list of things to get.

Yunho unloaded the last bag out of the car’s trunk and placed it on the ground. Quite a few similar bags littered the pavement ahead of him.

“Junsu,” Jaejoong asked peering into one of the bags. “How come there are about three kinds of curtains here?”

“Because I couldn’t choose which one would look best,” Junsu answered honestly as he climbed the stairs to their apartment.

Jaejoong considered a stack of boxes that appeared to contain kitchen ware. He groaned, meeting Yunho’s gaze. “I think I would have preferred rolling cabbages to this.”

“You were lucky I talked him out of buying that 'super deluxe- waffles- sandwich- fried egg- grilled cheese- burger- bacon-ator’,” Changmin said, grumbling away as he carried several bags after Junsu.

“What the hell is that?” Yunho had to ask.

“Something complicated and was bound to blow the kitchen roof off.”

Jaejoong picked up a couple of bags. “Huh, too bad, I would have loved to see what that could do.”

Yunho snickered, he had been wrong to worry about the other two. It looked like Jaejoong was the one that needed looking after.

The next day found Yunho in front of the piano. His fingers running idly across the smooth keys, while his mind skimmed across scenes of the day before. A mindless tune played as he busily turned the thoughts here and there, up and down, and sideways.

He had no idea what he was looking for, rather, he couldn’t concentrate enough to figure out what it was he searched for, because most of his energy went into trying to dismiss his actions as something purely impulsive and insignificant. However, just as he thought this, the growing frown between his brows grew deeper when he found himself concentrating too much on how Jaejoong’s lips had felt against his own, had shaped against his lips, had tasted…had made a soft sound when he had pulled away.

“Arhghghg!” The piano gave a burst of startled sound under the weight of his fingertips.

“Why so upset? I think it sounded good.” A voice intruded on his venting.

Yunho jumped in his seat, his fingers lifting off the keys as his head whipped toward the open doorway.

Junsu stood at the doorway with a familiar cup in his hand. In what could be considered the middle of the cup, a pink elephant stood thoughtfully against a grey background.

“C-can I help you?” He barely heard himself over the loud beating of his heart. He looked around the place, expecting pieces of his thoughts laid out across the furniture, hanging on the back of a sofa for Junsu to stumble upon.

“I hope so! Jaejoong-hyung needs sugar. He said you were the man to see.” An impish grin spread across Junsu’s face.

“...Sugar?”

“Yes, honey?” Junsu winked.

Yunho stared, unsure of how to reply to that. He tucked away any more thoughts he had been entertaining before Junsu’s appearance and started paying attention to his guest. “Huh?”

Junsu rolled his eyes at his joke falling flat, as if he was used to someone else being able to come up with a better comeback, and eventually muttered, “I forgot to buy some.”

Yunho leaned back on the tiny piano seat. “But you didn’t forget to buy five rubber ducks,” he pointed out in amusement.

“They were cute.” Junsu defended them. “And matched the shower curtains.”

Yunho had something to say about that, but any further comment from Yunho was halted by the appearance of a slight pout forming on Junsu’s lips. A very deliberate pout that Yunho suspected had never failed once and had claimed many victims in its wake, which now included himself as he got up from his seat and signaled for Junsu to follow him to the kitchen.

“You play nicely.” Junsu said in passing and handed him Jaejoong’s cup.

“Thanks.”

As he filled the cup with sugar, he couldn’t help smiling at the memory of telling Jaejoong some of its many possible uses, this very one in particular. Suddenly, he wanted to see the exact moment Jaejoong had realized he needed sugar. Did he remember that night immediately? Or was Yunho just the natural solution to this problem? Both possibilities had him smiling.

“The song you were playing just now, it sounded familiar.” Junsu noted.

“It should.” Yunho shook the cup gently to even out the surface of its content, while he again tucked his out of control thoughts away where Junsu couldn’t see. “It’s very popular.”

“It’s Jaejoong-hyung’s favorite, you know? Well, mine too, I guess.”

Yunho paused in his task and regarded the actor quietly.

Junsu had his head turned in the direction of the piano, but Yunho was certain of the kind of expression he held.

He grabbed the cup of sugar decisively and then approached Junsu.

“Come on, sit down.” He pulled Junsu away from the kitchen and back into the living room.

Junsu looked at him questioningly, startled out of the place he had been thinking about.

“I’ll play it for you,” He answered the unasked question.

“Yeah?” Junsu asked excitedly.

“You have some time, right?”

“Jaejoong-hyung was going to bake something.” Junsu looked to the direction of their apartment.

“He can wait for a bit.” Yunho winked conspiringly.

Junsu grinned and then walked over to the piano to play the first notes of the song. It seemed he knew it quite well, the melody rolling nicely across the white and black bars until Junsu made a mistake.

“Oops,” A short breath of laughter escaped his lips, and then the tiny smile vanished as his eyes looked down on the finger resting atop the wrong key. A tiny shudder rippled across his frame.

“I always got in trouble for that note,” He murmured.

Yunho felt he shouldn’t ask, so he simply nodded and then gestured for Junsu to have a seat.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had an audience,” he said, feeling a bout of stage fright as he seated himself.

Junsu clapped then and cheered him on. “Just play like before, you’ll forget I was here.”

Yunho doubted Junsu was ever forgettable, but he nodded anyway, "alright," took a deep breath, and began to play.

He fell into the quiet melody easily as the first few notes rose and swelled in the space around them. Mindful of his audience, he actually paid attention to what he was playing this time. For a while, Junsu just listened and hummed along occasionally.

On the next influx of notes, Junsu spoke, and Yunho realized then that this song was made for Junsu. It was as if he had been made from the same substance.

“...I remember hearing this for the first time.”

Yunho nodded, indicating that he was listening.

“It was for that movie Yoochun-hyung didn’t really want to do. He was so busy with other projects that he could barely squeeze in this new one. The scriptwriter wasn’t as well known and the budget was tiny. That's why his management didn't show it to him at first, but unlike them, those weren't the reasons for turning them down. I think he was just busy. And when he’s busy like that, he’s very hard to pin down. You kind of have to grab hold of him really tight, and not let go.”

“Anyway,” Junsu continued as Yunho played on, the melody rolling steadily in-between and over Junsu’s words. “Jaejoong-hyung happened upon the script one day. I think he spilled coffee over it. So clumsy.” Junsu snickered. “He panicked and apologized to Yoochun-hyung as soon as he woke up for breakfast. I had crashed on their couch, so he woke me too. Argh, so loud.” Junsu growled at the memory.

This time, it was Yunho that snickered.

“Yoochun-hyung had been half asleep when he started flipping through the soaked paper to see which one it was. I think he didn’t recognize it, that’s why he kept reading. Next thing we knew, he was grabbing his breakfast and the script, and he had locked himself inside his room.”

Junsu paused thoughtfully.

The melody grew quiet, a repeating dancing sound, like light on water.

“He didn’t come out until a couple of hours later. He had that look in his eyes, like he was already someone else. This new character eating him whole as we watched… That’s when Jaejoong-hyung and I knew that he had fallen in love with it.”

The melody grew soft, softer, like the whisper of a thought, the pulse of a fleeting memory and of the echo of a feeling.

“He put some of his projects on hold, and then he tracked down the team responsible for the script. Next thing we knew, they were filming. We often visited each other when one of us was filming. On one of those days he played the song for us. Even after several projects after that movie, I don't think he ever loved another song quite like this one. I think it just became a part of him. He had said, it allowed him to think and not think. To be here and be away from here. Something like that…”

PomTa-ta-tee-pom, pom, pom. The song ascended and curled like leaves in the wind, face up to the sky. And for a second, Junsu’s voice sounded distant, as if they had been talking from separate rooms. He in this office and Junsu in the one he had, with this song, woven for him.

“You must miss him.” Yunho murmured, saddened, because he couldn’t help but be affected by Junsu’s mood. And honestly, he admitted that some of that dark mood also belonged to him. It’s as if he himself had known Yoochun so intimately.

“Sometimes, it feels like he never really left, you know? So I start looking for him. Start dialing his number to tell him to hurry up…” Junsu answered, his voice barely rising above the final notes. “Especially in this place. It’s like I could just run into him in the street. Or in the grocery store taking forever to decide whether he wanted the apples or the oranges and deciding in the end that he didn’t care and would just pick whichever was the closest.”

Yunho let the last sound drag on--it sounded like the disappearing light of day into night, the receding flow of the ocean skirt, the quick intake of breath before a scream--until it grew faint along with Junsu’s melancholic voice in the air.

When the last thrumming note faded, he turned in his seat to face Junsu.

Junsu held the cup of sugar in front of him, his finger idly tracing the elephant on the ceramic face. A sad smile played at his lips.

Yunho wanted to say, ‘you can’t find him here.’, but maybe that wasn’t for him to say, maybe that wasn’t for him to decide.

And then he also wanted to ask--because the question had been burning a hole in his mind since the very first time he had heard Junsu talk about Yoochun. It was different from when Jaejoong talked about Yoochun, somehow. The way Junsu talked about him sounded just like how he himself thought about Jaejoong…So he wanted to know--‘did you love him?’

But, no, maybe, he wasn’t ready to know anything beyond that question, and he wasn’t really in such a position to ask such a thing either.

In the end, the sound of quickly approaching feet on pavement took the decision out of his hands.

“Yunho- hyung!” Changmin skidded to a halt at the doorstep and waited to say anything further until his eyesight had adjusted to the interior of the room. “Is Junsu- hyung here? I was just up at their apartment and Jaejoong— Ah! Junsu- hyung!”

Junsu turned toward the doorway. “Yeah?”

“I found my games!”

“Really?” Junsu jumped up from his seat. “Great!”

They both turned to face him.

“Yunho-hyung can I borrow Junsu-hyung?” Changmin turned pleading eyes on him.

“Yeah, Yunho-hyung,” Junsu asked, his grin wide and blinding. “Can Changmin borrow me?”

Yunho blinked from the two gleaming smiles directed his way. “Uh…”

“Thanks!” Junsu said, seeming to thank him for something else.

He placed the cup of sugar into Yunho's hands. “Tell Jaejoong-hyung I’ll be over at Changmin’s.”

And they were out of the door before Yunho could say anything else.

“Thanks, hyung!” He heard Changmin call out.

Yunho shook his head. He recalled that Grandma-Shim had banned those games as Changmin had the tendency to neglect his health when playing. He wondered how he managed to get his hands on them. What had he bargained away?

“Must be worth it,” He grinned, looking down at the cup in his hands.

He raked fingers through his hair as he leaned against the doorframe. Tapping his fingers on the cup thoughtfully, he looked across the parking lot and toward Jaejoong’s apartment.

With a decisive nod, he returned inside and back into the kitchen. He grabbed the bag of sugar from the pantry, and with the cup in the other hand, allowed his feet to carry him toward Jaejoong’s apartment.

“Hey,” Jaejoong greeted and then frowned down at the foot he had used to knock. “You done abusing my door yet?”

“My hands were full,” He presented the cup in one hand and the bag in the other.

“I thought I sent Junsu for that,” Jaejoong’s eyes narrowed, as he looked left and then right. Junsu was nowhere in sight.

“Um, Changmin had borrowed him. I was the closest to a replacement he could find.” He left Junsu to Changmin.

“Replacement?” Jaejoong asked suspiciously. “Do you even know what you’re signing up for?”

“Uh…”

“I thought so.”

Yunho frowned and then looked down dejectedly, his foot making nonsensical patterns on the new welcome mat. “Oh, I see.” He sniffed. “I’m not wanted.”

“What?”

He began to turn away.

“Wait!” Jaejoong shouted, opening the door fully and stepping outside. He caught Yunho’s shoulder, quickly turning him around.

Yunho met Jaejoong’s gaze through his bangs, while a very good imitation of Junsu’s pout formed on his lips.

“Pfft!” Jaejoong tugged him inside, laughing so hard he almost fell over.

Yunho maneuvered his way around the various things occupying the living room floor.

“Wow, he really bought a lot of stuff.”

Jaejoong took the cup and bag of sugar from him and disappeared into the kitchen. He returned a minute later.

“Thanks for the sugar, you didn’t have to bring so much.”

Yunho shrugged. “Just in case…”

Jaejoong rewarded him with a smile, and then returned to what he had been doing before Yunho's arrival. He rummaged through the bags, collecting things as he went.

“I guess he woke up this morning and found this place too empty.” Jaejoong addressed his earlier observation.

Yunho nodded in understanding, and then asked carefully. “Do you mind it though? Him filling up the place.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “No, it’s sorta nice.”

He smiled. “It will feel like home before you know it.”

“A home away from home.” Jaejoong agreed.

“Which reminds me, how long are you planning to stay?”

Jaejoong sifted through the bag in his hand thoughtfully, “That depends.”

“On?”

“How long you’re staying.” He answered, as if that had been the most obvious answer.

“Ah, right, I was driving.” Yunho said stupidly.

Jaejoong shook his head, “No, it’s not that, we can just find our own way back if that was the case.”

“Then what is it?”

Jaejoong considered the fridge magnets he found in the bag. “Because it would be weird without you here.”

Yunho tilted his head to the side and gestured around the place, “But you just said this felt like home to you now.”

Jaejoong put the bag down and met his gaze across the bag-littered room, “Yeah, I did.”

Yunho stared, his mind not quite comprehending, but his heart seemed to get it, as it started beating faster at the sight of Jaejoong in front of him, with that soft smile on his face again.

“Just for a few more days.” He said eventually, “I have to get back to the office.”

Jaejoong nodded, and then invited him to the kitchen.

He followed.

A pot was boiling. The steam that rose from it rolled around in the dull stream of early autumn sunlight coming through the window above the sink.

Yunho fingered the dry onion skin left on the chopping board thoughtfully and then looked around the tiny kitchen.

Compared to how he last remembered it, the place now looked more lived in. New cooking pots gleamed by their folded boxes. A scatter of forks, spoons, and chopsticks littered the counter-space. Grocery bags, still bulky with their contents, sat by the pantry still needing to be put away. A thin row of plates and bowls were drying on a rack, while five identical glasses were left in the sink, the suds running down their slick sides. The sponge lay atop one of them, abandoned.

Definitely more lived in.

“I guess I’ll finish the dishes,” He volunteered as he scooped the onion skin into his hands and tossed it into a bag acting as a temporary garbage bin.

“Hm?” Jaejoong looked up from stirring the pot. “Oh, Junsu was washing those. But since it looks like he won’t be back for a bit…” He sighed. “I’ll take care of them. I still have to wash those anyway.” He pointed to the cutlery on the counter. “You can put the groceries away if you want.”

“Sure,” Yunho shrugged and went straight to work.

The sound of rushing water soon filled the space, accompanied by the whispering of plastic bags.

Yunho finished his task quickly since there weren't that many things to put away. The pantry still looked empty, but it made sense, since they will only be staying for a few days.

Wondering what else he could do, he looked to Jaejoong for further instructions. But seeing Jaejoong at work, he decided that watching him was something to do.

He watched quietly as he closed the pantry door.

Jaejoong's sleeves were pushed back to his elbows as he worked, a tiny smile playing on his lips. Sunlight lit up his profile, so different from that very first day, when it had been rain and a frown that graced his face. All he needed to do was to start humming and Yunho wouldn't have recognized this person from the one in his memory.

Perhaps it was due to the lack of sounds coming from his side that clued Jaejoong in that Yunho was no longer working. He paused in his task and looked over at him, catching him staring.

“What?” That smile still on his lips.

Yunho shrugged, as a tiny smile of his own graced his lips. He looked around the kitchen then and spotted what he was searching for. The apron lay abandoned on one of the boxes. He walked the short distance to get it.

“Here,” He offered once the apron was in his hands. He held the loop of fabric open, inviting Jaejoong to wear it. “You’re gonna get your shirt wet.”

Jaejoong looked down at his shirt. “Too late.” He sighed, but pushed his head through the loop of fabric anyway.

Yunho wrapped the dark cloth against Jaejoong, his arms going around the lithe body to hold it in place.

Jaejoong hissed as the press of the apron forced the wet spot to stick to his skin.

“Oops, sorry,” He looked over Jaejoong’s shoulder and held the apron more loosely as his other hand groped around for the other half. “Hold on,” he murmured, stepping closer.

He hadn’t been aware of how close they had become until the side of his face brushed against Jaejoong’s hair, and until he realized that his chin was but seconds away from Jaejoong’s shoulder.

Instead of stepping back, curiosity drove him forward. He moved closer, drawn by the warmth, by the feel of Jaejoong’s waist surrounded by his arms, and by the scent of shampoo from Jaejoong’s hair brushing his cheek. When he approached things this way, everything seemed suddenly different. He took a deep breath.

Jaejoong smelled nice.

Just one more tiny movement would have his nose buried in that scent.

Yunho considered this as his heartbeat accelerated--he wondered if Jaejoong could feel it beat against his back--and then he sort of stopped breathing, because now the simple scent of Jaejoong’s shampoo was suddenly making him want to do things. Things like wrapping his arms around Jaejoong completely and pulling him flush against his chest.

“Yunho-sshi, something wrong?”

“N-no, just can’t find the other tie.”

“Oh.”

Jaejoong turned to look for it, unintentionally burying Yunho’s nose into his hair in the process.

Yunho stiffened, his eyes closing momentarily.

“Here,” Jaejoong murmured, his hand finding Yunho’s and slipping the strip of fabric onto his open palm.

A slow and light tracing of skin against skin. Jaejoong’s touch, like always, but now more than ever, felt electric and gut-wrenching.

It was something he couldn’t help but react to it. So, before Jaejoong could pull away, Yunho steeled himself, and caught Jaejoong's hand in his.

Jaejoong’s shoulder rose up against his chest in surprise.

Yunho held his breath and thought about letting go, but then very slowly, Jaejoong dropped his shoulders, relaxing.

Jaejoong's fingers curled around his, joining their hands, fingers intertwining, together.

They stood still in silence.

Yunho feared what words may bring, but at the same time, wanted to know what kept Jaejoong silent.

But thankfully, with one simple gesture, Jaejoong answered his unasked question; He leaned back against him completely. And as if he'd done so countless times, Yunho's other arm came up automatically and held him close.

A slow smile spread across Yunho’s lips. He had no use for words. He closed his eyes and buried his face into Jaejoong’s hair.

‘To make sure I won’t fall in love again, the next person I fall in love with will not…’

Jaejoong turned around to face him.

“Yunho-sshi,” Jaejoong whispered, his breath rolling against Yunho’s lips.

“Yeah,”

He rested his forehead against Jaejoong’s, his eyes half-open so that all he could see was a blur of Jaejoong’s features--black, white, and red.

Jaejoong didn't say anything else, seeming not to trust words as well.

He registered fingers touching his lips lightly, tracing the shape of the bottom one. Slowly, they skittered across his cheek, caressing the skin comfortingly, before pushing into his nest of hair and settling there.

He smiled as he remembered the familiar actions.

Warm air hovered across his skin and then Jaejoong was covering his smiling lips with his own.

His eyelids fluttered shut.

Kissing Jaejoong was sort of terrifying.

Their lips pushed together, trembled with things unsaid and unasked. Firmly, melding, slowly moving together.

He felt a tickle in his throat, his toes curling inside his socks at the fluttering in his stomach.

Jaejoong chuckled against his lips, beating him to it. He laughed too, as a rush of warmth spread across his cheeks. Giddiness, nervousness, and desire, all rolled up into two rumbling sounds of laughter.

He pushed forward, leaning against, and trapping Jaejoong between himself and the counter, his hands on the flat surface, and his lips seeking Jaejoong’s once more.

The laughter disappeared.

Jaejoong’s tongue parted his lips, swallowed the sound he made. Mouths joined, parted, joined again as teeth collided and tongues, warm and wet, moved in sinuous strokes. A shuddering breath left him and Jaejoong breathed it in.

Kissing Jaejoong tasted like something he thought he knew, like something he tried to deny but couldn’t. It tasted something like that eventual, defiant thing that curled into his pores and weighed like something inevitable.

Jaejoong pulled him closer, Yunho breathed his name.

His broken heart had decided then, ‘It doesn’t matter. As long as they don’t…’

His arms wound tightly around Jaejoong.

His heart raced, seeming to skip a beat with every missed breath, jumped from every touch Jaejoong gave. But it beat on, when it was supposed to be broken.

‘It doesn’t matter. As long as they don’t…’

'the next person I fall in love with will not…’

Jaejoong felt solid against him, when he wasn’t supposed to…

…Exist.

~TBC

Thank you so much for reading!

[FIC] Never again part 13

2008-07-05T10:48:44Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 13/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Eventual Jaeho, Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12.

Chapter 13

A loud crash ripped him away from sleep and pulled him face first into the frigid morning. Jaejoong sat up and looked around, disoriented and confused. Regardless, he pushed the covers away and walked to the source of the sound. He scrubbed at his eyes--head still heavy from sleep--and crossed the empty living room. He managed to find the front door without tripping over his own feet. When he pulled the door open, an envelope fell from its place taped to the door, but more importantly, he found the source of the sound.

“Yunho-sshi?”

Jaejoong found Yunho in front of their door, crouched beside a ladder. It was a familiar seen aside from the broken glass littering the floor.

“Ah! Jaejoong-sshi watch out, don’t take another step!” He warned as he pointed at the glass shards seconds away from Jaejoong’s bare feet.

“What are you doing?” He asked and stepped into the nearest pair of shoes by the doorway and then stepped outside carefully. Just as he reached Yunho’s side, a gust of wind whooshed through the open corridors.

“Oh shit! It’s freezing!” Jaejoong hugged his chest instinctively but realized that they wouldn’t be enough. As if to spite him, his thin t-shirt flapped in the breeze and did everything but keep him warm.

“Yeah, it gets really cold here in the morning. Here wear this,”

Yunho stood up and quickly removed his jacket. Before Jaejoong could object, it was draped around his shoulders and he was enveloped by glorious warmth. He put it on properly and reveled in the toasty goodness.

“Thanks, I was going to refuse but now that I have it on, I don’t think you’ll ever get it back, Yunho-sshi,”

Yunho laughed and looked quite warm in just a sweater now. “That’s alright. I knew it was going to be cold this morning so I bundled up extra warm. See?” And he showed Jaejoong that he had an extra layer underneath.

“Oh! In that case, give me the sweater too!” Jaejoong reached for the sweater, but his hands were trapped by Yunho’s own. A little cool from the weather, but were warm enough.

“No way,” The other man refused, grin firmly in place.

Jaejoong smiled, but really, the jacket had been more than enough. Now that he was warm he directed his attention to the reason he was out there in the first place. Looking at the broken glass and the ladder, he easily realized what had happened.

“Last night, I saw that the bulbs were out again. Since I’m here, my parents immediately put me to work. That and I don’t think you’d appreciate having to grope for the doorknob every night.” Yunho explained.

“How thoughtful of you, thanks.”

He reached for the nearest piece of glass and placed it carefully inside the plastic bag Yunho held.

“Yeah, but now I’ll need to get you a new light cover.”

“There is that.” Jaejoong agreed.

Once they had cleared away most of the glass, Yunho promised that he would give it a more careful sweep once he was done installing the new light bulb. With that said, Jaejoong stayed to help.

“Aside from me ruining your sleep, did you sleep well?” Yunho inquired as he stepped down from the ladder.

“Aside from Junsu threatening to push me off the bed and fighting him for the blankets, yeah, I think I slept pretty well. It was cold though, I think I’ll have to get used to that.”

Yunho nodded and then looked across the courtyard at the still sleeping apartments.

Jaejoong stepped closer to the rails and took his first look at the place he had come to revisit. The sun had yet to rise. There was only that sort of cold illumination early winter mornings brought. A strong breeze disturbed the leaves of the trees and the clothes clinging to clotheslines left to dry overnight. There were morning sounds coming from all over the place, distant rumble of motors, insects, and wind-chimes. He suddenly remembered what had drawn him to this place. It was no wonder that he thought he could find Yoochun here.

He pulled Yunho’s jacket closer, the scent that clung to it rose with every passing breeze.

“I really like it up here,” he said softly.

“Stay as long as you like, Jaejoong-sshi.” Yunho squeezed his shoulder as he walked past. He then folded the ladder and grabbed the bag of broken glass as well. “Come join us for breakfast later. I think Changmin’s hoping for pancakes.”

Jaejoong grinned. “I see how it is. Sure, tell Changmin-sshi he’ll get his pancakes.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. His sick of my burnt eggs anyways.”

Jaejoong laughed at the idea and waved to Yunho as the other walked back to the office down below.

Now that he no longer had a reason to be out there, he jumped inside quickly, still not used to the sudden cold weather. As he was about to close the door, he spied the envelope that had fallen when he opened the door. Curious, he picked it up and found a simple letter. In a flurry of lines it read that Yunho hadn’t wanted to wake them and he hoped they slept well, and that they were invited for breakfast. Written in a different style of writing, it read simply, “Pancakes, please.”

Amused, Jaejoong shut the door and checked on Junsu.

It seemed that ever since he had left the bed, Junsu had rolled into the space and claimed it as his own.

Jaejoong plopped down on the cold floor and watched Junsu sleep. His friend was tangled by both blankets and his loose shirt. Mouth slightly open and chest rising evenly, he looked like the perfect picture of peace. Jaejoong noticed that his hair had grown, his natural hair color starting to show.

“How long are you gonna keep watching me?”

Jaejoong smirked. “You were awake?”

Junsu kept his eyes closed and nodded. “Uhhmm, ever since you ran out of bed.”

“Have you been pretending for that long? They didn’t give you that award for nothing, I guess.”

“Hey!” Junsu’s eyes snapped open and his hand flew to a pillow to throw at Jaejoong, but he stopped at something he saw in Jaejoong’s face.

“What?” Jaejoong blinked.

“Nothing. Ummm nice jacket.” Junsu noted as he sat up.

Jaejoong shrugged. “It was cold outside.”

Junsu agreed by shivering violently. He then looked around at the empty bedroom, at the bare windows and then through them where they could see the roofs of houses and the still foggy hills.

“You weren’t kidding when you said there was nothing in this place.” his friend noted quietly.

Jaejoong spread his fingers over the worn wood of the floor and traced the grains with his fingertips. “I didn’t think I’d ever come back here. So I didn’t see the point of putting anything in it.”

“You got a mattress though,”

He nodded as he recalled that time. “Yeah, because at first I thought I was going to stay here forever.”

Junsu made a thoughtful sound and then as if looking beyond the scenery outside the window, he pointed out, “but you left.”

“I did.”

He lifted his head when Junsu didn’t say anything else. The young actor sat on the mattress, blankets pooled around his lap, a contemplative expression on his face as he looked out the window. Jaejoong had wanted to explain, but maybe he didn’t have to. Maybe Junsu could already feel what it was about this place that almost kept him.

“I’m going to go down to see Yunho-sshi and Changmin-sshi. They invited us for breakfast. Just come down to the office when you’re ready.”

“Mm.” Junsu nodded and said nothing else.

Jaejoong got up, stretched and left Junsu to his thoughts. He showered quickly and pulled out fresh clothes from his bag. He remembered the weather outside and grabbed one of the sweaters he had packed. Yunho had warned them about the weather, but he hadn’t imagined it would have been that cold.

“Damn,” which was why he didn’t pack a heavier coat. He pulled the sweater on, and hoped Yunho didn’t mind as he put the borrowed jacket back on as well.

“See you down there!” He called out just before he braved the cold outdoors.

He practically jogged down the steps, hands in the jacket pockets and neck hidden from any sudden gust of wind. Once he reached the office, he knocked on the closed door. He heard someone call out from inside and in a few seconds, the door was opened for him.

“Morning,” Changmin greeted cheerlessly and handed him a hot cup of coffee, which Jaejoong welcomed immediately by taking a sip.

“Thanks, I needed this. Good morning to you too.”

“It’s too cold to be good,” Changmin grumped.

Jaejoong agreed. He followed Changmin to the kitchen and saw that he was in the process of making breakfast.

“Pancakes?” He peeked into the bowl filled with batter.

“Or a version there of,”

Changmin retrieved a few plates and cups from the cupboard and started to set up the table. “Yunho-hyung’s mom is still sleeping, but I’m sure the smell of your pancakes will rouse her. His dad left early this morning though, I’m not sure if he’ll be back by the time you have to leave. How long are you staying anyways?”

Jaejoong looked up from judging the consistency of the batter. “Huh? Umm, I’m not sure. Maybe a week?”

“Hm, then maybe you’ll get to meet him.”

“Oh. That’s good. I never got to meet them. And your grandmother, is she alright?”

Changmin nodded. “She’ll be up and watering the plants in her little indoor garden later. She doesn’t listen when I tell her she needs to rest. Instead, she tells me I looked like I needed it more.”

Jaejoong chuckled. She’s as spirited as he remembered her.

“Oh here, Yunho-hyung went to shower, He’s probably done by now. Just go down the hall. You’ll know when it’s his room. I’ll get breakfast started.” Changmin said as he handed him another fresh cup of coffee.

“I…” Jaejoong looked cluelessly at the cup and then at the waiting pancake batter.

“It’s alright. I’ll cook ‘em. Then you can tell me how much I’ve improved.” Changmin persuaded.

Jaejoong accepted the cup with his free hand and walked into the hallway Changmin had pointed to. He’d never been in this part of the apartment. Unlike the one he owned, this one was larger, and had more rooms. And just as Changmin had told him, he spotted the door to Yunho’s room right away. Partly open, its door had a nameplate on it, carved into a piece of wood shaped like a star, as if it had hung there for ages, and it may just had.

“Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong called out, but heard no answer.

He pushed the door open with his shoulder and was met with a very clean room. Clean, aside from a few clothes strewn across the bed and an open luggage on the floor. It housed the usual things a room would have. There was a desk near the window, trophies on the shelves and picture frames. A large painting took up most of one wall and beneath it was a case filled with DVDs.

Jaejoong crossed the room after being drawn by the collection. He placed the coffee cups on top of the desk and crouched down to view the titles. He recognized some of them. Some were movies he also liked and a few were his favorites. He couldn’t tell what sort of categorizing system Yunho used. Not alphabetically or genre oriented at all. And among them, he saw his movies, quite a few of them side by side and also Junsu’s and right beside that collection were Yoochun’s.

“By actors then?” Jaejoong wondered aloud, but found that that hadn’t been the case for the others sharing the shelves.

“By favorites.”

Jaejoong jumped in surprise and looked up. Yunho stood by the bathroom door, a towel around his waist and another being used to dry his hair. His chest still glistened from the recent shower.

Jaejoong picked up the movie he had shared with Junsu and Yoochun, that script they all had fallen in love with when they first laid eyes on it. He stood as he viewed the cover. The picture had been taken during a break in filming, when the photographer happened by them animatedly talking about something. By now, he couldn’t recall what they had been talking about that day, but he remembered everyone agreeing it was perfect for the movie cover.

“All my movies? Come on, even I didn’t like some of them.” He grinned challengingly at Yunho.

“You never do,”

Yunho approached and grabbed another movie in which Jaejoong starred in and showed him the cover. This close, Jaejoong could smell the scent of the soap Yunho used, and his shampoo and aftershave. His eyes followed a water droplet as it trailed down from Yunho’s collar bone to his well-toned chest.

“What do you mean?” He asked, ripping his gaze away from a few more water droplets and up to Yunho’s very close face.

“I’ve never heard you say once that you did a good job, that you liked it because you did a good job. You just always complemented the directors, the other actors, and the set people. Even when you received awards, you always said you hadn’t deserved it.”

For a second, Yunho’s expression looked irate and then it softened as if the short rise of anger had never appeared.

Jaejoong shrugged. “So you’re saying I should love all my movies?” He looked at the collection again.

“N..no, I guess it’s because I felt you deserved them, those awards. When someone says they liked it, it meant they even liked their part, right? That they were proud of what they’ve done.” Yunho explained softly.

Jaejoong bowed his head to hide the smile he held. As always, Jung Yunho had a way with words that made him want to believe him. So he simply nodded and pointed to the cup of coffee that was cooling on the desk’s surface.

“Coffee for you, from Changmin-sshi. Looks like he’ll be the one cooking breakfast.”

Yunho looked toward the door and sniffed the air, “Is that what that smell is?”

Now that he’d mentioned it, there was a slight smell of burning pancakes in the air. He snickered, “I’ll go check up on him.”

As he turned, he remembered the DVD in his hand. He held it out toward Yunho, who automatically accepted it.

“I really liked this one,” Jaejoong whispered. “A lot.”

He left Yunho smiling after him.

The tiny disaster Jaejoong had expected to see when he walked back into the kitchen wasn’t very tiny at all, since it looked as if Junsu had offered his help with the making of the breakfast as well. There was a slight layer of smoke hovering near the ceiling.

“Hyung! Why does it keep burning?!” Junsu groaned once he had spotted him.

“Did you turn down the heat?”

“Ah! The heat! I forgot,” Changmin lightly smacked his forehead.

Jaejoong walked over to the bowl of batter he had inspected earlier and found that it had grown in proportion.

“What happened to this?”

“Well, it kind of looked too thick, so I added some more milk and then it looked too thin, so Junsu-sshi suggested adding some more flour and I figured since we’re adding more of both that it may have needed another egg and then I guess we got the thickness right eventually, but then once we started to cook them they kept burning and here we are,” Changmin explained helplessly.

Changmin gestured toward a sad looking pile of pancakes. Jaejoong looked at the pile uneasily, but decided to give it a try anyway. He gulped, ripping a piece off a salvageable-looking one.

“It’s good!” He said surprised. “You just have to turn down the heat and it’s going to be alright.”

“Really?!” Changmin tried a piece as well and handed some to Junsu. Together they tasted their creation.

“Hey! Not bad!” Junsu cheered and high-fived Changmin.

By the time Yunho showed up, the other two were cooking up a storm and were rejoicing in the success of their collaboration. Once enough was cooked, they were served proudly and lots of exceedingly content noises came from the chefs.

After discussing their plans for the day over breakfast, they finished their meal and headed to the grocery store. Jaejoong and Junsu picked up a list of things they may need during their stay and a few extra things just because.

Jaejoong watched as Junsu joked around with Yunho and Changmin and then smiled at how the other two responded in kind. Their laughter reached him, their comfort in each other’s presence caused his heart to ache and his throat to tighten. Junsu dragged Changmin to parts of the store that drew his interest and Changmin grumbled about Junsu being overly excited, but he let himself be dragged anyways. They’re having such a good time, which was why Jaejoong put down the cereal box he had in his hand and walked away from the three of them.

He walked past shoppers and tried to find a deserted aisle, but all of them had at least a customer present or someone stocking the shelves. In desperation, he saw the swinging doors an employee exited from and with quick steps Jaejoong entered the back of the store.

It was dimly lit inside and filled with piled on boxes of products. Most importantly, there was no one to be seen. He found a lone stool by a telephone on the wall and sat on it.

His hands trembled and it wasn’t from the cold. He bowed his head and covered his face with his hands, and tried to even out his breathing. He felt that familiar stinging around his eyes and cursed when a tear managed to escape down his cheek.

“Dammit!” He hissed. “Stop! Stop it.” He closed his eyes and pressed the sleeve of Yunho’s jacket across them. He bit his lips to hold back the apologies that wanted to come out. Sorry words and If onlys. For a long time, he just sat there in the dimly lit corner, eyes covered and chest hurting.

Eventually the pain calmed to a dull stinging and he got his trembling hands under control. Only then did he feel another person’s presence in the room.

Yunho sat nearby on one of the box piles, and when he saw that he had been noticed, he got up and sat by Jaejoong’s side.

“Junsu-sshi was looking for you. He thought you may have gotten lost.” He said lightly, but a hint of worry still made it past that calm demeanor.

Jaejoong didn’t trust his voice not to crack so he just nodded.

“It turns out this store sold curtains. They didn’t the last time I was here. But anyways, he chose one and had wanted to know what you thought.”

Jaejoong swallowed and tried to say something about the subject, but something else entirely spilled out.

“…I just wish he was here. I keep thinking about how much he would have liked you guys and this place. And I know I shouldn’t think like this. Why did I have to ruin the day?! It was such a good day too!” He spat angrily.

“Jaejoong-sshi!”

In one swift movement, Yunho had grabbed his shoulders and turned him so that they faced each other. That same intensity Jaejoong had seen in Yunho’s face was back and he couldn’t look away.

“No one said you ruined the day. No one is expecting you to be happy when you’re not. No one…” And then Yunho’s expression softened just like before, and his face drew closer until their foreheads touched and Jaejoong had to close his eyes.

“No one expects you to recover from his death after only a few months, or at all. Just…Rely on me, on us. You don’t always have to smile, and we won’t ask what’s wrong every time you’re too quiet. So please, don’t force yourself.”

Jaejoong wasn’t sure whether it was a promise he could keep, but a part of him felt relieved, as if he had been waiting for those words. So he nodded to indicate that he had understood; their noses and lips brushed just for a second. He raised his hands and grabbed onto Yunho’s forearms to squeeze them in thanks.

Yunho’s hands in turn, released Jaejoong’s shoulders--only to draw up and cup his face, long fingers in his hair, thumbs stroked his cheeks comfortingly as lips softly captured his.

~TBC

Thank you for reading! ^o^/

[FIC] Never again part 12

2008-07-04T06:18:49Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 12/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Eventual Jaeho, Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11.

The mornings had turned cold. It was quite apparent by the chill that settled on Yunho’s skin as it spread like a defiant thing. It curled into his pores and absorbed his warmth. He shuddered as it licked up his arms and weighed, like the changing season, of something inevitable.

As the rising sun stretched its golden fingers to line the treetops, he couldn’t help but feel a bit anxious. He leaned against the balcony railing a little troubled as it certainly felt like something was lying in wait for him today, tomorrow, sometime eventual.

He was just considering staying home when the shrill ringing of the telephone beckoned him back into the apartment and signaled the official start of his day.

"How's grandma?" He asked, the phone cradled between his ear and shoulder, while his hands busily prepared a quick breakfast.

"She's stable, but I think I'll stay here a little longer just in case." Changmin explained.

The sound of crunching reached his ears and he suddenly considered abandoning the fried eggs in favor of simple cereals and milk. He could never get a perfect sunny-side up anyways.

"Yeah, that’s a good idea. Let me know if anything else comes up. Tell her I said hi,"

"I will. Do you want me to say hi to your mom too?" His friend sounded amused.

"Sure. Unless she’s already there and is one second away from wrestling the phone from you, then I could do that myself." Yunho poked at the cooking eggs.

"As a matter of fact, she is. She kindly brought breakfast."

"She brought you cereals?" He got too greedy with the poking and the yoke broke. Damn.

"No, the cereals I bought on the way over here. She brought better things, making sure grandma is eating properly."

Yunho snickered. “Ah, grandma must be enjoying that.”

"Uh huh, you know how she loves the attention.”

Yunho left the eggs alone for a second and placed two slices of bread into the toaster.

"Shame on you for neglecting your grandmother, Changmin." He teased.

"Yeah, I know. I’m a complete and utter failure as a grandson,"

Yunho let the grin on his face fade into a resigned smile, "Alright, mom must be glaring at you by now for making her wait. Hand me to her."

“Roger that,”

Yunho shook his head and braced for impact.

"Yunhoyah, you should visit. Why didn’t you come with Changmin. We miss you. Work can’t be that interesting to keep you away from home for so long. Are you seeing someone new? I know you only stop calling when there’s someone else keeping your phone line busy. Well?"

Yunho rolled his eyes with patient affection. "Hi mom,"

“And?”

"And I missed you too. Sorry, I couldn’t visit. I had work." He scooped the eggs onto a clean plate and drummed his fingertips against the ceramic impatiently as he waited for the bread to finish toasting.

"Why not? I thought having that new larger office meant you can take off anytime you wanted?"

"But that doesn't mean I should, mom." He hoped she was proud of how responsible he sounded.

With another successive tap of his fingers, the bread finally popped out of the toaster. His stomach impatient, he quickly reached for the butter to spread over the still warm bread.

"It's been months since we've seen you, Yunhoyah. Is there really someone keeping you there?"

"Hmm, why would you to think that?"

“Because you’re avoiding my questions. And don’t even begin to think that that could save you. I could just as easily ask Changmin!”

“He’s not as easy as he looks, mom.” Yunho warned and they both knew it to be true.

He brought breakfast over to the balcony table and let the sound of morning traffic meld with his mother’s persistent questions. Maybe he should visit. It has been a while and he could use a change of scenery.

He was half-way through his meal when his mother’s inquiry abruptly forced him back into the one-sided conversation.

"Yunhoyah, that apartment, you know, the empty one on the second floor? I know you said you'd take care of it and the monthly rent is still coming in, but don't you think it's such a waste of space staying empty like that? We had someone come around last week and they were interested in the place. If it’s not being used at all, do you think you can speak with the tenant about it? I would have contacted them myself, but you never left a number in the files."

Yunho took a sip of coffee and gave the matter very little thought since that apartment was never far from his mind.

"The space is already taken, mom. Let them rent another one."

"And that's what you keep saying. It's just that,"

But at his silence, she let the matter drop, and quickly took up another.

"You know, SangHee was here last week. She asked about you."

At the sudden mention of that name, his grip on the phone tightened considerably. He gritted his teeth and tried to calm the quickly waking ache in his chest. He was silent for a few heartbeats, not knowing how to react. She eventually decided for him, by continuing as if he never paused uncomfortably.

"And well I couldn't tell her how you were, because how would I know? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! Oh, you should have seen her. She looked beautiful as always. Brought me a cake she had baked. Wasn’t that sweet of her? She’s gotten very good at baking cakes! You really should visit, Yunho. Maybe see how she’s doing."

Yunho hadn't bothered to tell his mother why his girlfriend of three years was suddenly not his girlfriend anymore, but now that his mother had taken on this path of thinking, maybe he should have. It would have saved him the heartache at least.

"Work has been busy lately, but I'll try to visit soon." He said in a hurry and hoped it was enough to satisfy her.

She sounded like she had a few more things to add, but he certainly didn’t want to be thinking about such things too early in the day. Trying vainly to think of something else, he tapped out a tune against the table's surface as his eyes chased the boundless horizon.

"I have to get ready for work now though."

"Oh? Already? Alright fine, fine, but call again. Be careful on your way to work and don’t forget to let me know when you’ll be visiting.”

"I will. Bye mom."

He stared at the phone long after he had ended the call. He tried to finish his meal, but after a couple of bites of the cold toast, Yunho found he had lost his appetite.

The heavy mood persisted at work. Not even a tower of paperwork that required his immediate attention proved a good enough distraction to pull him away from his thoughts. He reached for the cup of tea his secretary had prepared, feeling quite defeated.

SangHee.

It had been an impossible and futile thing to have tried to forget her. She had left her mark in his life, much like how time left sun-washed boards, rusting iron-gates, and stifling vines. In his house of memories, she would always be there, significant enough to cast a shadow and matter enough to summon some sort of feeling.

Though, he must admit he hasn’t thought of her in a while. It wasn’t really a matter of forgetting her and the pieces of him she had left in her wake though, rather, it was a matter of being distracted by something else, by someone else.

Yunho sat up, jolted by the rush of feelings that came with that thought. Without warning, someone else came along to keep him occupied long enough to give him space and time to collect himself. To numb the ache, dull the memories, and help him become one person again instead of just half of something.

It felt as if something had been unlatched inside him, but when he began to examine this feeling, in one breath, he lost his hold on it. It was gone, like grasping a thin trail of smoke.

He backtracked and tried to regain that errant thought.

There was an ache in his chest, something familiar, but elusive. In his searched, he stumbled upon a particular memory that seemed to be related to that ache. It was recent and yet it felt as if it had been from a long time ago.

Safe and alone in his office, he recited those silly words.

"The next person I fall in love with will not exist,"

He chuckled. The words sounded so weird and ridiculous coming from his sober lips.

“Arghghghgh!” Yunho slouched in his seat, embarrassed.

He blamed the alcohol for his unusual promise and then Changmin for not smacking him immediately unconscious before he could go on with his tirade.

Yunho covered his face with his hands and in the safety that place offered, he forced himself to think further about such a silly promise. His words had been so full of spite and resolve then. However, now they sounded… more careful, hesitant and yet maybe hopeful. To him, that quiet promise now felt like the sun warming his back or much like the soft give of piano keys beneath his fingertips right before a sweet melody.

Yunho let another chuckle escape. He had forgotten the rest of that promise. Maybe Changmin could fill him in. His friend had been the sober one at the time.

He sighed and reached for his tea once more. He nursed the cup between his hands just like how he nursed his heart between his pretend indifference and forgetfulness.

But, really, he wasn't ready to see her. He didn’t want to hear that she was happy or that she had been miserable and wanted him back. His heart still had a bit of bruising left and he wasn't ready for round two quite yet.

And then he thought of that empty apartment and its owner, and the stack of paperwork remained untouched.

“How’s Changmin-sshi?”

Yunho looked up from his plate and across the table to his unexpected lunch-mate.

“He’s fine.”

His brief answer caused the table to shake. “Stop that,”

“Oh, sorry.” And Junsu stuck his leg out of the table so it could shake freely without disturbing their meal.

“S’okay. Why do you ask?”

“Is he back yet?” It was hard to follow Junsu when his gaze was going all over the place. Junsu looked around them and then back at him and then beyond him and then down to their plates.

“No, I think he’ll be there longer.”

“Oh.”

Yunho observed the man sitting in front of him. There was something young about Junsu, but there was also something old, an ancient thing. In the few weeks he’d become acquainted with the actor, Yunho had decided that like Jaejoong, Junsu was a person not so easy to figure out. There was a constant shifting about him.

“You can call him, you know? He’d more than welcome the call. It gets boring around there pretty quickly.”

“I guess so. That is, I was going to ask how his grandmother was doing.”

Yunho was surprised that Junsu had remembered.

“Changmin told me she’s better, but that’s why he stayed a little longer, to make sure she remains well.”

Junsu nodded in understanding, looking a bit worried. “Ah, yeah, that makes sense.”

“Why don’t you come with me to visit? I’ve been planning to go down there. You and Jaejoong-sshi.”

Junsu looked taken aback by the invitation and Yunho felt just as surprised offering it.

“Umm, well, it was just a thought. I spoke to my mother this morning and she had mentioned Jaejoong-sshi’s apartment being empty and she thought and I thought too, that that was a waste, and since you wanted to see how Changmin had been doing…” He cut himself off before he started rambling. He was still reeling from his impromptu invitation.

“Jaejoong-hyung has an apartment?”

Oh, he hadn’t known, Yunho thought. “Yes, that’s where he stayed when Yoochun-sshi ern…” He bit his lip from saying anymore. It felt too much like blabbing a secret he was supposed to keep.

“Oh,” Junsu’s gaze wandered to his left again, at the direction of the entrance, as if waiting for someone to show up. “I always wondered about that…”

“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t know Jaejoong-sshi hadn’t told you.”

Junsu shook his head, “he probably just forgot,” and shrugged, a tender smile on his lips.

“He forgets things sometimes, like they’re not that important. Like the date and garbage days, and other outside stuff.”

Yunho felt like those last words hadn’t been meant to be said, so he shifted his gaze back to his food and tried to appear as if he hadn’t heard. It also stopped him from asking the same of Junsu, if he forgot things. Besides, they weren’t close enough for him to be able to ask that sort of question.

“If you were serious about it, I’ll ask Jaejoong-hyung.” Junsu seemed to have caught up with himself now and that far-off look had left his eyes.

“Yeah, I was serious about it. I had been planning to visit home anyways. Would be nice to have company for the drive over there,” He smiled encouragingly.

Junsu nodded and returned to his meal. A companionable hush fell over them, broken by quiet conversation now and again. After a few grudging meetings, Junsu seemed to have lessened the hostility he showed when around Yunho and started to genuinely make an effort to get to know him. Yunho hadn’t been looking for friendship. He had only wanted to help Jaejoong out. But the more he got to know Junsu, the more he thought less of it as a favor for a friend.

“I was just thinking about it this morning,” This time it was Jaejoong on the other end of the phone line and it was dinner Yunho tended to.

“Then it’s a good idea, right? We’ll drive up there and Junsu-sshi can see the sights.” Of what little there is to see in the small town. “And uh,” He stirred the sizzling mix of meat and vegetables. “I’m sorry I told Junsu-sshi about the apartment, I thought he knew.”

Jaejoong’s amused voice sounded crisp and near on the telephone, as if he was in the same kitchen as Yunho.

“It’s alright. I really forgot to tell him. He complained and harassed me about it until there wasn’t anything left to tell. I told him there were plastic cups and a mattress. That was it, nothing exciting.”

Yunho chuckled. “I’m glad I didn’t cause any trouble.” He apologized once more for good measure. “I’ll see you guys in two days then.” He promised as he placed the lid over the simmering pot.

“Yeah, two days. Enjoy your dinner, Yunho-sshi.”

After goodbyes were said, Yunho hung up and placed the phone well away from the mess threatening to eat his counter-space. With only a couple minutes more until his meal was cooked, he began to set the table only to realize he would be eating alone. He grabbed the nearest chair to him and sat down. The apartment was too quiet without the sound of Changmin’s game shows, movies, and video games.

To add to the silence were the ones he felt when he ended his calls with Jaejoong. The actor always had something to talk about, in the most interesting, lengthy and round-about way Yunho thought possible. He’d begun to see those stories as some sort of puzzle to work out, because they start simple enough, it’s the middle part that usually became a challenge to follow. As if he was being lead through an unknown forest with only Jaejoong’s hand holding his to keep him from being swallowed by the unfamiliar surroundings.

“…What?” Yunho blinked as his mind had yet again led him to a strange thought.

“That’s just…” before he could think anymore on the matter, the timer went off and dinner was ready.

“Two days, huh?”

Two days came quicker than Yunho had anticipated. In no time at all, the three of them had stored their luggage inside the trunk and were speeding along the familiar highways that led to his home town.

Yunho pulled and straightened his seatbelt yet again. The strip of fabric had been digging into his shoulder for the last hour and he was very close to just taking it off.

“Want me to take over?” Jaejoong offered from the passenger’s seat.

“Huh? Oh no, it’s okay.”

“Hey, there are three of us here. No need to do all the driving yourself.” Junsu piped in from the back.

“I thought you were sleeping?”

“You thought wrong.”

Yunho caught Junsu’s grin in the rearview mirror. He looked quite comfortable in the back, especially with the pillows he brought with him. “Well, don’t worry about it. I can still drive for another hour or two.”

“You sure?” Junsu raised a skeptical brow. “’cuz if you pulled at that seatbelt one more time, Jaejoong-hyung’s gonna rip you out of that seat before you could say ‘I’m sorry lord Junsu I should have listened to you!’”

That startled a laugh out of him. “Is that so?”

“That about sums it up.” Jaejoong guaranteed, his gaze leaving the passing scenery for a second to meet his.

Yunho was about to object again, when suddenly the thought of someone else driving didn’t sound so bad. Maybe he could borrow Junsu’s pillows. They looked very soft, especially when his back had been screaming at him ever since they passed that last exit.

Junsu sat up, his attention piqued by something in front of them. “Ooh, a rest area is coming up. We’ll trade spots there. I have to go pee anyways.”

Yunho snickered and opened his mouth, but Jaejoong beat him to it.

“You have to go pee?” Jaejoong snickered.

Junsu stared owlishly at them. “Yeah?”

“While you’re there, how about going pooh-pooh too?”

Yunho bit his lip and tried to keep quiet.

“Haha. You’re so funny. I may just ask you to change my diaper for me.”

“Yoochun might, after he had teased you to hell about it first, of course.”

Another name that caused Yunho to hold his breath.

Junsu snorted. “Yeah, the idiot would probably never shut up until I threaten to leave him by the side of the road somewhere.”

Jaejoong laughed infectiously and continued to tease Junsu in Yoochun’s place.

Relieved, Yunho was able to breathe again. He never knew what the mention of Yoochun’s name would bring, but it seemed today, it brought laughter.

He slowed down when the rest area drew near and was more than happy to throw the seatbelt off and step out of the car. The others followed shortly after.

Yunho stretched, rubbed at his sore shoulders and shook his legs, happy to be able to move them freely again.

Jaejoong walked around the car to join him while Junsu ran to the restroom.

“You okay?” Jaejoong asked, his arms raised above his head, fingers stretched to the skies.

“Yeah, it’s just been a while since I’ve driven this long.” He mimicked Jaejoong’s position, fingers curled and grasped at clouds.

Jaejoong nudged him lightly in the ribs. “That’s what we’re here for. And,” Jaejoong paused and looked to the direction Junsu had disappeared to.

“I also meant that you seemed uncomfortable whenever we mentioned Yoochun.”

At that observation, Yunho couldn’t help but be true to those words. “I…uh,”

“Sorry, it must be weird, huh? Yeah, I think I wouldn’t know what I would do too, if I was in your place.”

“No, well, it’s just…”

“We won’t be offended, you know, if you want to talk about him or join in. You can ask us things about him too, if you want. We…” Jaejoong looked down at the unpaved ground, wet from rain that must have passed not too long ago.

“We just miss him and even though it hurts to say his name, it hurts more not to say it.” Jaejoong confessed.

Yunho nodded, unnerved by the silence that seemed to have suddenly descended upon them. He couldn’t say he knew exactly how that felt, but he could imagine well enough. He looked at the dark head turned away from him and was suddenly curious to see if there were tears in those eyes or was there that familiar pain he saw when he had first met Jaejoong. However, when the other man turned to face him, he couldn’t tell at all, as he was too distracted by the soft smile he found.

Blinded, Yunho searched for words and latched onto the first thing that came to mind.

“Color!”

“Color?” Jaejoong blinked.

“His favorite color.” Yunho explained.

“Orange,” Junsu answered from behind them.

“Orange?”

“On Tuesdays,” Junsu grinned knowingly. “Purple on Saturdays.”

“That’s…interesting,”

“That’s Yoochun,” Jaejoong whispered fondly and the expression on Junsu’s face seemed to echo that remark.

Several more hours of driving and timely stops later found them entering the familiar gates of the apartment complex. Yunho spotted Changmin leaning against a pillar, a mug of something in one hand, and a smile on his lips. He wondered how long his friend had been waiting.

“Took you long enough,” Changmin said by way of greeting. His long legs carried him to where Yunho parked the car and soon he was shaking hands with Jaejoong and Junsu.

As they unloaded their luggage, Yunho watched Junsu look around curiously, taking in every detail the cover of night allowed. He walked up to him and showed the way to the office, reassuring him there will be more to see during daytime.

“Your parents tried to stay up, but gave in about an hour ago.” Changmin said from behind them.

Yunho looked up to the dark night sky and shuddered from the cold. As he had expected, the mornings would be much colder here. “Yeah, it’s pretty late. I guess we could just…” He stopped walking and turned toward Jaejoong.

Jaejoong retrieved his keys from a coat pocket. “I guess we’ll see you in the morning.” The actor understood and cocked his head in the direction of his two bedroom apartment.

Junsu looked at the two of them, unable to comprehend what Jaejoong had meant until the other man began to ascend the steps. He immediately understood, threw a hurried wave their way and followed Jaejoong.

“Goodnight Jaejoong-sshi…Junsu-sshii,” Yunho called out, already losing their forms in the darkness.

“We’ll see you in the morning!” Junsu returned.

Once the pair had entered Jaejoong’s apartment, he turned to Changmin, who had been watching him closely.

“The bulbs are out again,” Yunho noted.

“Don’t look at me. I’m not in charge of this place.” He smirked and then took a casual sip of his drink.

“Hm.” Yunho started to walk toward their earlier destination. Behind him he heard Changmin’s leisurely steps follow.

“Are they going to be alright? Last I recall Jaejoong-sshi only had a mattress and nothing else.”

“They brought things and Jaejoong-sshi said we could go to the grocery store tomorrow for food stuff.” He explained, as he pushed the office door open as quietly as he could.

“I see. Oh, don’t worry about being quiet, I even dropped a pan earlier and that didn’t wake them.”

“What were you doing with a pan?” He asked, voice low as he entered.

“Making pancakes.”

Yunho found the evidence all over the counter and soaking in the sink. “How were they?”

“Terrible. I hope Jaejoong-sshi could make me some tomorrow. Hey, Yunho-hyung,”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not against it or anything. I guess I’m just curious. Why are they here exactly?”

Yunho looked up from sorting the dishes. “I invited them.”

At Changmin’s silent question, he tried to find a better explanation. “It just happened.”

Changmin stepped closer and took the dirty cup he had in his grasp.

“I see.”

“What do you see?” Yunho frowned, having heard his friend say this several times in a curious tone within the short span of five minutes.

Changmin just shrugged. “Go to bed, hyung. I’ll take care of this.”

Yunho was too tired to figure Changmin out. Even wide awake, the man in front of him was still baffling. Exhausted, he just did as he was told.

In his bedroom, he pulled the covers closer to fight the coldness seeping into the room, and allowed the fatigue of the drive to lead him to sleep. Strangely enough, he couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come.

~TBC

Thank you for reading and for waiting so patiently. ^^/

[barely a ficlet] His | yoosu

2008-04-07T15:21:46Z

I can't sleep, because of Yoosu. Something short, don't know about sweet. XD Delicated to clicheterms

His | yoosu

Sometimes as if on a whim, Junsu would reach across and lift Yoochun's chin up with gentle fingers, meet their gazes, and declare, "I own you, I own you so hard it's not funny".

And Yoochun would shrug and smile that lazy smile of his as if to say, 'sure, why not?'.

*

When it rains, Junsu's first thought is Yoochun, followed by 'Ooooh, lightning!', naturally.

When he's hungry, the first person Junsu invites to scavenge in the kitchen with him is Yoochun. Yoochun knows where Changmin hides the good stuff.

When they're in front of crowds and cameras, he waits, and somehow, Yoochun will mention him. He smiles wider.

When they dance their hearts out, when he could barely catch a breath, he uses the last of his energy to look at Yoochun to see if he's okay.

A lot of his whens and sometimes and just because, ends with Yoochun.

Junsu drapes him arms around Yoochun's shoulder one morning and says, "You own me, you own me so hard it hurts".

Yoochun shrugs and runs a finger across the left side of Junsu's chest, "Don't worry, I have plenty of heart bandages".

~end

^_^ Thanks for reading. <3

[barely a ficlet] Function | minsu

2008-04-02T23:57:56Z

AN: My attempts at studying is foiled once more. -_-;;;;;;

Function | Minsu

Changmin retraced the diagram he had been studying and made notes that coincided with his observations.

Junsu plopped down beside him and moved the mattress into motion.

"What 'chu readin'?" He asked, and peered into the book in Changmin's hand.

Changmin looked over Junsu's head as the other began to read.

"...Hmmm the mouth's muscles move the tongue for, one, manipulation of food during chewing, drinking, and swallowing, and two, movements for production of sound..." Junsu read.

"Here, let me see that," Junsu took the book from him and grabbed a pencil from Changmin's case.

"What are you--?" Changmin gasped in alarm as Junsu began to scribble something onto the page. He tore the book from Junsu's grasp and held it protectively against him.

He looked into the vandalized page and read Junsu's addition:

...manipulation of food during chewing, drinking, and swallowing...and three, for kissing.

And Junsu pounced.

-end

8D oh I am so doomed. *back to studying*

[FIC] Apt1103series: Heavens help Changmin

2008-04-02T22:18:28Z

Apt1103series: Heavens help Changmin
Featuring: Yoochun and Changmin
AN: Oh, poor long-suffering Changmin. The things he has to live with. Silliness ahead!

Yoochun slipped inside the room and found his soon-to-be-savior.

“Changmin,” He called. No answer.

The boy—no, grown man, laid on the bed, belly to the mattress, arms on a pillow for support and eyes glued to one of his Japanese language books.

“Changmin,” Yoochun called again. Fingers curling around the edge of the door.

“Mrrr?”

“Changminnie~~~,”

Silence.

Yoochun sighed. It looked like he’s going to have to do this the hard way. With a patient rub to his stomach, he marched over to the bed and sat beside his uncooperative hero.

“Minnie,”

“Go away.”

Yoochun’s jaw dropped. Blink, blink. And then recovered from the tiny blow.

“Aren’t you even going to ask me what I wanted?” He asked expectantly.

“No, now shoo.”

That’s it. “Changmin~~! Save your hyung,” He wailed dramatically and snatched the book from Changmin’s grasp to toss it to a far corner of the room.

“Hey! Ow!” Changmin cried as Yoochun rolled over and on top of him, arms hooked around his neck and teeth to his bony shoulder. “Aurhghg! What do you want!?”

“That’s more like it!” Yoochun crowed as he latched sloppily onto the shoulder as the body beneath him tried vainly to push him off. Oh, but he had a death grip, he was not going to let go that easily.

“Ow! I’m telling Jaejoong-hyung!”

Yoochun released the poor shoulder and pushed up to whisper against Changmin’s ear. “Oh, but mommy’s not home right now. There’s no one to save you.” He leered appropriately and traced the shell of Changmin’s ear with his tongue.

Oops. Yoochun held on for dear life as Changmin bucked violently below him and tried to throw him off. He roared with laughter as his long legs wrapped around the younger one’s body, his hold secured.

“Hyung!” With a deafening roar, Changmin pushed up and rolled and—

“Aw shit!” Yoochun gasped just before he tumbled off the bed in a loud crash and took Changmin with him.

A pair of pained groans filled the air as the dust settled. Yoochun tried to get up, his elbows and skull pulsed in pain, but couldn’t due to the leaden body on top of him.

“Ugh, Minnie, get off, heavy…” He groaned. It feels like he broke several somethings.

“Can’t…ow—really going to tell on you later, hyung,”

Yoochun laughed huskily. “Yeah, well, why don’t you feed me first before Jaejoong-hyung hands me my ass for breaking his poor baby, ‘k?”

Changmin raised his head from its place against Yoochun’s neck.

“What?” Changmin blinked down at him.

“Me. Food. You.” Yoochun grinned and waggled his eyebrows.

Changmin released a long-suffering sigh. “Let me get this straight. The reason why I’m lying here right now with a possible concussion and smarting knee-caps is because you were too lazy to feed yourself?” He ground out the last few words.

“Not lazy.” Yoochun pouted, he was not lazy, just special.

“Food~~,” He batted his lashes for effect.

“But you had all this energy, why didn’t you just make it yourself?” Changmin gasped disbelieving and began to push himself up.

Yoochun wrapped his legs around Changmin’s thin waist and captured the handsome face in his hands. “Aww, but I wanted Min-food. Changmin makes awesome food for his lovely, lovely Yoochun-hyung,” He pushed his head up to scatter several kisses all over Changmin’s face.

Changmin rolled his eyes up to the heavens for patience. “I don’t know why I don’t just kill you. I know where you sleep after all.” He sounded almost serious, except for that little smirk that gave him away.

“Does this mean you’ll feed me? Yes, yes?”

Changmin paused to consider it and abruptly plopped on top of Yoochun.

“Wah!”

“Ah,” Changmin sighed despondently. “You’ve sapped away all of my energy. I’m so sorry, but won’t you please feed me so I can recharge?”

“Whut!?” Yoochun asked scandalized. “But I’m hungry too! I have no energy!”

“Well, boohoo, looks like we’re just going to have to starve to death.” Changmin decided.

“Noooooo, but, but….”

“Yoochunnie, I’m starving! Hurry up already!” Junsu called from the living room.

Changmin’s eyes flashed as everything fell into place. He stared down at Yoochun.

Yoochun grinned up so Changmin wouldn’t hurt him that bad.

“Did…Did Junsu-hyung send you?” He accused, venom-dripping now.

“Uhh…”Yoochun rubbed his sore elbow, hard to do when Changmin was still on top of him. “Well first Junsu was hungry and then of course I got hungry too, but he was winning in the game so he said five minutes. Five minutes later, still no food. So I rubbed my tummy and started kicking him, but no matter how much I kicked, no food came out.” Yoochun pouted at this memory. “Then he started elbowing me, but I have no food with me so I couldn’t feed him.” That vein on Changmin’s forehead was getting larger and larger by the second, Yoochun observed.

He continued. “And so we had to play rock, paper, scissors and at first I won, and then he said out of three, and then he won, and then I said out of five, and I won again, but then he said it didn’t count ‘cuz he got distracted by his game, and so we had to start over again and,” He decided to hurry it along as Changmin had started to growl. “So then we played for who would get you to cook for us and several games later, I lost.” Yoochun sighed.

“You--” Changmin gritted his teeth. “Both of you are just so unbelievably lazy!” He screamed and Yoochun winced because really they were close enough, screaming was so unnecessary.

Yoochun stared at Changmin. Changmin stared back.

“Hello~~~ Starving singer here! I’m dying! And losing. I need energy to play~~!” Junsu hollered.

“Un…believable,” Changmin gaped.

Yoochun grinned up. “So, does this mean you’ll feed us?” Starry eyes, oh yeah, shine, shine.

“Hello~~~~food now, please?” Junsu again.

“I am so going to tell Jaejoong-hyung,” Changmin relented and finally got off Yoochun.

He left the room as Yoochun grinned up to the ceiling. He rubbed his stomach, oh yes, going to get fed.

From outside the room he heard:

“Hello~~~~~~food now. Hello--”

Smack!

“Ow!—Oh yey! Food at last!”

Yoochun snickered. Even the shuffle of pans sounded like ‘heavens-help-me’ grumbling. He reached into his pocket and called the most recent caller.

“Yo!” The voice over the line answered.

“Hyung, Changmin’s cooking. How long will you take?”

“Oh, good. Damn, I’m starving to death!—Yunho! There’s food!” Jaejoong hollered.

“Oh good! Who’s cooking?” Yoochun heard.

“Minnie,”

“Awesome!”

“Be there in five! Bye,” And Jaejoong hung up.

Yoochun patted his belly in promise. “Soon my pet,” He murmured. “Soon.”

~End! 8D

[FIC] Sturdy, jaeho

2008-04-01T00:53:52Z

Sturdy|Jaeho|fluff

More jaeho-fluffiness. Changmin cuteness. XD Dedicated to kahel_luna
Just can't get enough of them, you know? XD

Please enjoy and thank you for reading.

“What’s for dinner?” Yunho asked from his place at the table.

“You’ll know it when it gets served to you.” Was Jaejoong’s curt reply.

Yunho raised an eyebrow at the young man’s tense back as said young man added some chopped vegetables into the steaming pot.

“Umm, you okay?”

“Sure.”

Yunho licked his lips, this could get ugly fast. It needed to be approached with as much delicacy as possible.

“Okay, do you need any help?”

“Did I ask you for help?” Jaejoong looked back, his eyes a little on the sharp side.

Yunho shook his head, dumbly.

“Then I don’t need your help.” The cook turned back to dash some salt into the mix.

The atmosphere in the kitchen was suddenly not quite so homey anymore. Maybe he shouldn’t have opened his mouth, Yunho thought. But, no, if Jaejoong had been feeling this way from the start, he should fix it somehow if only to save tonight’s meal.

Yunho shook the table and judged its sturdiness before he left his seat, and slowly made his way to the blond singer. He leaned against the kitchen counter and studied the singer’s profile. Yunho took note of the look of concentration on the handsome face as well as the little knot gathered between fondly-tended to eyebrows. He gathered strength from somewhere within him—a storage room of energy of sorts, the one especially reserved for Jaejoong, well it’s more like a warehouse—and executed his plan.

He leaned in and softly smacked his lips against Jaejoong’s tense and pursed ones. As he pulled away, he noted the slight twitch this action elicited, but Jaejoong still looked a bit miffed.

“I know for a fact, you’re not okay.” Yunho announced matter-of-factly.

“Oh, how is that?” Jaejoong stirred the contents of the pot irritably before he placed the lid on top of it, and lowered the dial into a quiet simmer.

“Because yo', yo', I’m Yunho U-know, I know everything! Wiki-wiki-wah-wah!” He grinned in the cheesiest way he knew how.

“Ugh,” Jaejoong smacked his forehead. “That was so lame I want you out of my sight right now.” But he was smiling.

Yunho coughed embarrassedly. Only Jaejoong could do this to him. He willed away the blush that had risen to his neck and smiled hopefully toward Jaejoong.

“Like I said, I’m okay, just a bit tired.” His smile was a little weak, but it was genuine. That was a start.

Yunho nodded in understanding. “Sorry, for bothering you.” He wielded puppy-eyes at Jaejoong. “Really, really sorry.” Adding a little pout may help his cause.

“Stop,” Jaejoong finally grinned. “You look so pathetic right now.”

Yunho smiled goofily. It was worth it. He drew Jaejoong into a hug, Jaejoong buried his face against his neck, and they just stood still holding each other. They occasionally swayed to some music only they heard and murmured loving and comforting things to each other.

Jaejoong took a deep breath and released it against his neck. Yunho was tickled by the warm air and held Jaejoong closer.

He pulled back a little to kiss Jaejoong’s cheek, inquiring. Jaejoong replied with a kiss of his own, eyes partly closed. Yunho spied thoughts in those partly shut eyes, thoughts often shared with him, but most where ones he could only guess at. Despite his earlier claims, he really didn’t know everything. Especially Jaejoong, but he knew enough.

Yunho took his time showering little kisses all over Jaejoong’s face as he moved them toward the kitchen table one step at a time. When Jaejoong’s leg pressed against the side of the table, he slowly lowered Jaejoong to lie on top as he continued his butterfly kisses.

Jaejoong’s hands found the collar of his shirt and he was thusly reined into a deeper kiss.

He felt legs wrap around him as he rocked against the body beneath him. Yunho rested his forearms on each side of Jaejoong’s head as he took hold of the blond head so conveniently near his idle hands.

Jaejoong’s teeth tugged insistently at his bottom lip and he obliged the command. He pressed against Jaejoong and grunted appreciatively when the other arched up to meet his every grind. He kept his mouth busy—scaling down a long stretch of neck, pausing to suck at a strong pulse beneath smooth skin, and then lapping at the hollow where clavicles met.

He felt Jaejoong’s hand release his shirt in favor of exploring his arms, his sides and to finally settle against his back. Long fingers gripped deliciously on cloth-covered skin as Yunho licked up the gorgeous neck, licked across parted lips and met his tongue with Jaejoong’s.

The table’s leg creaked under them with every rocking motion made, but he was sure it could support them. One of Jaejoong’s hands found its way between them and had started moving lower, and suddenly the state of the table was the last thing on his mind.

“Hey, what’s for dinne—what the…” Changmin.

Jaejoong’s fingers tugged at his belt and Yunho gave him room to move around.

“Ahem,”

Damn, why was he wearing a belt at home anyways? He nipped at Jaejoong’s bottom lips.

“Yo,”

Jaejoong abandoned the stubborn belt and was now instead doing very wonderful things to the skin beneath the waist of his pants. Lower, lower—

“Oh, for the love of all that is sacred! I eat there you know!?”

Jaejoong unlatched his lips from Yunho’s jaw to rest his head on the surface of the table.

“What do you want?” He grunted.

Yunho sagged against Jaejoong and finally gave his attention to the youngest member of their loving group.

“You guys, table, nasty things. I think that should be fairly obvious.” Changmin delivered dryly. He looked glad to finally have their attention.

“It’s a multi-functional table,” Jaejoong patted the surface. “You do your homework here too. We’re simply helping it to look outside the box. A table should not be restricted to what its makers deemed it only capable of doing.” Trust Jaejoong to wax philosophic at times like these. The blond demonstrated said table’s versatility by arching up against Yunho and making that sound at the back of his throat Yunho could never resist. Yunho grinned and returned his attention back to Jaejoong’s jaw.

“Just like fingers could be combs too,” Jaejoong continued and raked said fingers across Yunho’s tuff of hair.

“Lips aren’t just for talking,” Yunho received a kiss to his forehead as an example.

An unconvinced silence, and then, “Uh huh,” He felt Changmin’s approach. “That’s nice.”

Next thing Yunho knew they were being smacked off the table with a rolled-up magazine. “Off! Off! You shameless love-pigeons! Off!”

“Ow!” Yunho dutifully slipped off the table and pulled Jaejoong with him. They stood away from the table, laughed and tried to bat away Changmin’s persistent attacks.

“Alright! Alright!” Yunho laughed and held a hysterically-laughing Jaejoong against him. Changmin’s affronted face was just too adorable.

“And I don’t want to catch you defiling this table again!” Changmin warned with one more swipe of the rolled-up magazine. Deciding the table was once more safe from making-out lovebirds; he straightened the magazine, brushed imaginary feathers off the table-top and took his usual seat.

“Now, where’s dinner? I’m hungry.”

Jaejoong rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Spoiled brat,” He whispered against Yunho’s ear.

“You raised him.” He joked back.

Jaejoong merely snorted at that claim.

Yunho smiled and looked down at Jaejoong’s expression. It was softer and a small smile had settled upon those well-kissed lips. Mission accomplished. Even though he got so caught up with Jaejoong that he had completely forgotten what had started the whole thing in the first place. But now, at the sight of that smile, he had remembered.

“Dinner! Dinner!” Changmin slapped the table-top cheerily.

“It’s coming! Make yourself useful and get the plates.” Jaejoong commanded as he detached himself from Yunho. Yunho let him go only a little regretfully.

In the few minutes that followed, the other members of their small family trickled into the kitchen, and dinner activities began.

Yunho opened one of the drawers and retrieved the chopsticks and spoons.

Mission to make Jaejoong smile, check.

Mission to test the dinner table’s sturdiness against Jaejoong-Yunho activities…Acceptable.

“Yunho, chopticks!”

“Got ‘em,” He grinned and walked toward them with a little more bounce to his steps.

-End

[FIC] Lazy Mornings, jaeho

2008-03-31T10:06:39Z

jaeho.fluffy.jaeho kisses. I was in need of some jaeho-fluffiness and it appears some of the other lovelies I knew felt the same way. so here's some fluffiness. this is rough and i'm so sleepy i don't even know if it made sense but whatever. just consider it a jaeho moment. XD and i'll probably go back to it to clean it up a bit more later, but for now, enjoy. ^_^

Especially dedicated to hyungie. hope it's like hot chocolate, bb.

************

[Lazy Mornings]

They made their lazy mornings.

Yunho entered the bathroom just in time to hand Jaejoong a towel to dry his face with.

Delighted, Jaejoong murmured his thanks behind the fluffy cloth. He dabbed all excess water off and then hung the cloth on one of the bars attached to the wall. Spying his hair in its just blow-dried but still un-styled state, he finger-combed the mess into some semblance of order.

Pretty much finished with his business in the bathroom, he stayed for a bit to watch Yunho's progression. His gaze traveled leisurely down the well-muscled back clad only in a tank-top, paused briefly somewhere in the middle, and then lower still to powerful legs which where regrettably already covered by the dark slacks Yunho had planned to wear today.

A slight pout made itself visible on his lips.

Having watched his subject intently, signs of said subject finishing the task of teeth brushing were detected. Amicably, Jaejoong reached for that same towel and handed it to Yunho.

"Thanks," Yunho met his eyes using the mirror. His eyebrows furrowed a bit in wonder, "You done?"

“Mmhmm,”

"So go eat breakfast or something."

"Not hungry yet."

"You will be once--"

"Don't worry about it."

Yunho gave him that look. Yeah, but it was his job to worry about it.

Snorting, Jaejoong took that last step that separated them and wrapped his arms around Yunho's waist. His body relaxed on contact and he further looked for things to do to attain more of this toasty-warm feeling. He buried his face in still damp hair and inhaled the scent of the shampoo they all used, and that cologne Yunho had taken a sudden fondness for.

"There's time for that later."

Yunho's body against his chest clearly communicated that, no, there was not (although, he so badly wished there was). That they had to be out of the apartment in half an hour and he didn’t think Yoochun was even awake yet.

“He’s awake. Well, he’s dressed at least.” Jaejoong assured him and further burrowed his face into the sweet smelling masculine-y goodness.

Yunho’s tense posture said he was still not convinced, but was on his way there as indicated by the way his body moved to accommodate Jaejoong’s snugly mood.

“It’s still early, traffic will be light. Junsu’s ready, just watching his morning cartoons (downloaded online since their lifestyle didn’t allow for them to meet scheduled air times) and Changmin’s probably eating my share of breakfast.”

Yunho snickered and then groaned appreciatively as Jaejoong’s lips formed a path down the arch of his neck with generous kisses. “Changmin doesn’t eat that much nowadays, you know?”

“I know, was just teasing him.” Jaejoong decided he liked the taste of Yunho’s semi-freshly out of the shower and before the lotion was applied skin. So, he explored more of this cool and soap-scented terrain. His lips landed where neck and shoulder met and he moved upward to kiss up the length of Yunho’s neck and then settled against the skin behind an ear.

Yunho seemed to have forgotten what he was about to say and instead, captured Jaejoong’s hands holding his middle and met their gazes in the mirror.

“You’re so bad for me,” He told Jaejoong with a smirk lifting one side of his lips.

“I’m good for you,”

“Really?” Asked flatly.

“Really.”

“I can live without you, you know?”

“You can try,” Jaejoong nipped a bit at the earlobe and then kissed it softly.

“You can’t live without me though.” Yunho grinned.

“No, I can’t.”

Yunho’s face fell, and then he smiled, and then he frowned, and then he just looked confused.

Jaejoong snickered.

Yunho sighed, defeated. “I lied. I can’t live without you.”

“I’ve known that from the start.” Jaejoong grinned.

Yunho’s body shook from the laughter and then sagged decisively. “We’re so going to be late.”

Jaejoong’s eyes sparkled, “then make it worth it.”

Yunho smiled as he turned in Jaejoong’s embrace to finally meet him face to face. He leaned against the counter and pulled Jaejoong closer. Obligingly, he raised his hands to cup Jaejoong’s face and punctuated every word with a kiss.

“You,” Kiss.

“Are,” Kiss.

“Such a,” Kiss

“Bad influence.”

The last kiss was a long-lingering one that sent tingles down Jaejoong’s body and made his toes curl against the tiled floor.

“Glad to be of service,” Jaejoong said breathlessly before bringing their mouths together again. This time he didn’t let Yunho get that far after the first kiss. He deepened it and parted Yunho’s pliant lips with his tongue.

Yunho met his kiss just as deeply, while his hands traveled from Jaejoong’s neck to his chest to his waist. Fingers slid beneath the thin fabric of his shirt and caressed the warm, toned muscles there, his thumbs ran comforting, lazy circles as their mouths moved together, tongues slid wetly against the other.

One of Jaejoong’s hands found its way to the back of Yunho’s head and promptly buried his fingers into the short mess of hair. His other hand traced the sharp line of Yunho’s jaw as it moved to match him kiss for kiss.

They parted shortly for breath, but not too far. Yunho reached up to kiss the side of Jaejoong’s mouth slowly, his chin, his cheek, and seeming to be unable to get enough, his lips again.

Yunho sighed and rested his cheek against Jaejoong’s chest, kissing the skin covering a clavicle just because.

“I don’t want to go to work today.”

Jaejoong hummed in agreement.

“…want to stay here forever.” Yunho added.

Jaejoong nodded again as his fingers frolicked across Yunho’s head of hair. “Well, not here, here.” He had to make it clear. “I mean what if Junsu had to use the bathroom?”

“He can use the other one.” Yunho said unrepentant. Jaejoong could hear the pout there.

“What if Yoochun’s using that one?” Jaejoong kissed Yunho’s left brow and then the right one too so nobody felt left out.

“They can figure it out. No one can come here today.” Yunho moved his arms around Jaejoong’s waist and pulled him as close--without crushing him--to him as possible to show just how determined he was.

“What happened to, ‘we’re going to be late’?”

Yunho left his place against Jaejoong’s chest and held the sigh that Jaejoong was sure was coming.

“Sorry, I happened.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you happened. We can stand to be late once a while.” Because this was more important, Jaejoong could hear.

This. Here. Where lazy, unhurried mornings were rare. Where hasty kisses happened just before they were exposed to the outside light. Where Yunho’s hands on him couldn’t linger far too long without starting to look suspicious.

A tug at his shirt pulled Jaejoong from his thoughts and he shook his head at Yunho’s silent inquiry.

“It’s nothing. We should probably get a move on. We can’t be that late.”

“What if I wanted to be the bad influence and made us even more late?” It would hurt Yunho to do so, but Jaejoong did not doubt his words.

“Not today.” Jaejoong simply smiled and kissed Yunho all the more softly.

He started to move out of Yunho’s embrace and untangled his fingers from now drier hair. He had no idea how long they had been there, but he could hear Changmin calling out to them; his voice not quite penetrating the temporary mist that had secluded them, Yunho and him, from the world.

Afer a last half-hearted effort to keep him there, Yunho finally released him. Jaejoong walked backwards and kept his gaze locked with Yunho’s.

“Finish drying your hair, leader-sshi. The world awaits.”

Yunho snorted, but turned to do as he was told. Jaejoong lingered by the doorway just that little bit more and then exited altogether.

They were plenty more lazy mornings to come.

Thanks for reading!

[FIC] Never Again part 11

2008-03-08T05:39:00Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 11/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10.

Junsu woke up to the raspy whisper of turning paper. His eyelids felt too heavy to lift open so he remained in this state of semi-wakefulness. It felt as if his face and his lips were above the surface, in some open space, cooled by a sweeping breeze, while the rest of his body and his fingers were still immersed in a deep blue floating. Some time passed and then that sound again, of skin slipping against paper slipping against paper. Coming up from the deep sleep he had been in, he held onto that sound as feeling began to return to him. First, he realized that his head throbbed in pain, and second, his entire body too. And, despite the weight of blankets he felt on him, he was really cold.

Another page was turned.

There was a sense of slowness to everything, as if his ears were covered and everything was muffled and echo-y.

“Yoochun-hyung, read to me.” Junsu asked softly. His voice sounded rougher than he’d ever heard it.

A chair creaked, the sound of wood being relieved of some weight.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

The speaker’s voice held a solid quality to it, unlike Yoochun’s voice, which was more liquid, quick-silver teasing.

And Junsu knew, “You’re not him are you?”

“No, sorry,” The sound of fingers smoothing over paper. “But I could still read to you.”

It wouldn’t be the same, he thought, but…

Upon his nod, the person started to read out loud. Every word was a clear, precise and smooth caress. And the details, pictures, and the characters appeared in Junsu’s mind quite easily. There was a like for these characters, for this tale. There was a familiarity, as if he’d read it more than a few times.

Junsu didn’t want to, but he had begun to drift back to sleep. The steady voice echoed in his mind, lulling him back to…He fought the encompassing warmth and lost.

The next time he woke up was from the press of cool cloth on his feverish skin. He was still chasing wisps and bits of his dream when he opened his eyes. It must have been pleasant, but he’d already forgotten it.

“You’re…” He examined the person that hovered over him carefully. Gentle hands that held the cloth on his forehead moved away.

“Shim Changmin.”

“Why do you always see me sleeping?” Junsu realized.

“Two times hardly count as always, Junsu-sshi,” Changmin countered.

Junsu smirked as he watched Changmin sit back in that rickety old chair he could never find the heart to toss out. And only then did he fully realize where he was and remember what had happened hours before.

“Where’s Jaejoong-hyung?” He tried to sit up, but the world dipped and rocked in a very unpleasant way. He lied back down. As his head hit the pillow, his words began to wash over him, many angry words that Jaejoong hadn’t deserved.

“Damn it,” Junsu shut his eyes and hoped it had been a dream, some sort of nightmare but…

Taking his groan for physical pain, Changmin was immediately by his side.

“Are you alright, Junsu-sshi? Where do you hurt? Would you like some water? Jaejoong-sshi went to get some medicine if--”

“No, I’m fine.” He shook his head and then pulled the covers over him. In the darkness of the sheets he wished he could disappear. “Please, can you leave me alone.”

There was an uncertain pause and then finally creaking steps toward the door.

“I feel guilty for breathing.” He whispered in the darkness of the sheets.

The doorknob turned, but the door didn’t open. A few seconds later, footsteps returned. That chair creaked again and then the flipping of a page.

The moist and filling aroma of soup woke him the third time. His favorite and also Yoochun’s.

“Soup for you, Junsu-sshi.” Changmin chirped.

“I don’t want any.” He turned away from the steaming bowl, feeling like a brat when he caught the curling of Changmin’s eyebrows.

“Hmmmm..” The other hummed thoughtfully.

“Fine,” He heard Changmin take a seat and then the sound of silverware hitting porcelain. “I’ll have it then.”

“What?!” Junsu turned back and sat up dizzily.

Changmin held up a spoonful of soup almost to his lips and wore the most innocent of expressions. “You said you didn’t want any. It would be a shame to waste.” He delivered crisply.

“What kind of nurse are you? You can’t eat the sick person’s food.” Junsu argued.

“I’m not your nurse and the sick person didn’t want it.”

“Yeah, I do!” Junsu made a grab for the bowl, but Changmin was too far.

Changmin moved the spoon closer to his lips—

“No, don’t! That’s mine!”

“Doesn’t have your name on it.”

“Why you…” Junsu growled.

He was about to demand Changmin gave back his soup when he spied the crafty grin behind the spoon. His fighting spirit dissipated.

“…Give it back. I want some.” He ended up saying.

Changmin made a show of thinking about it, but in the end placed the tray on Junsu’s lap and handed him the bowl of soup.

“…Thanks.”

Changmin nodded and gestured toward the soup, telling him to get started.

Junsu hadn’t realized how hungry he’d been until the first spoonful flooded his mouth. His stomach begged for more and he gave it as much as he could take in. Changmin just sat there quietly, watching him and handing him a glass of juice when it looked like he needed it.

“Oh, here, some medicine for you.”

Junsu looked up from his bowl, at the abandoned cut-celery Yoochun usually ate for him. He looked at the offered pills and then toward his closed bedroom door.

“Jaejoong-hyung’s back?”

Changmin placed the pills on Junsu’s palm and nodded. “Yeah, he’s tidying up the place, I believe.”

“Oh.” Junsu popped the pills into his mouth and took deep gulps of juice. He wondered about the things Jaejoong would find cleaning. He wondered how he’d react. He wondered why it was Changmin bringing him the food and medicine.

“Junsu-sshi? Do you want some more?”

Junsu scooped some celery onto his spoon and ate the crunchy greens. He repressed the shudder that came with eating his most hated vegetable, and handed Changmin the tray.

“Thanks.”

Changmin stood and turned to leave. “Is there anything else you want? More juice?”

Junsu looked at this stranger in his bedroom and almost asked for Jaejoong, but he wondered if there was a reason Jaejoong didn’t bring the soup in himself.

“No, I’m fine, thanks.”

Changmin walked out. Conversation filtered into his bedroom momentarily and then Jaejoong’s laughter, before the door drew shut.

Junsu reached over to his bedside table and retrieved a worn picture frame. It was dusty from neglect. He took a corner of his blanket and wiped the glass clean. In the picture, Yoochun had just taken a ninja-quick bite off Junsu’s birthday cake. He looked at his appalled expression, hanging jaw and all, and on the side, Jaejoong had fallen off his chair laughing. A tiny smile grazed Junsu’s lips just before he brought the picture frame close to his face and it caught his tears.

“Comeback.”

It continued like that, day after day, Changmin knocked on his door and brought him something to eat. Changmin sat in front of his laptop and worked on something while Junsu re-watched Yoochun’s movies over and over. He didn’t really mind Changmin’s presence, didn’t mind that sometimes Changmin closed his laptop and watched the movies with him. He’d have comments on a few of his favorite scenes and would have questions about others. Junsu found himself answering the ones he knew about and sometimes revealed things no one else knew. He laughed across his descriptions on a few cut scenes featuring Yoochun and wiped furiously at the tears that always came at the end of each movie. He didn’t mind that Changmin saw them.

Changmin had been there to wake him from a nightmare and had let him cry all over his shirt. He really didn’t mind.

By the time he was well enough to walk around and answer his apartment door, Changmin hadn’t felt like a stranger anymore.

Except when he opened his door this time, it wasn’t Changmin that stood beyond the threshold.

“Hi,” Jung Yunho waved carefully. “Sorry, Changmin couldn’t make it today. I brought lunch though.”

Changmin always brought food.

Junsu reached for the bags, “thanks”, and began to shut the door.

“Hey!” Yunho pushed against the shutting door, “Listen, I know I’m not your most favorite person in the world, but I was sent to make sure you ate and was feeling alright so…”

Junsu narrowed his eyes and released the door so Yunho could come in. He heard the door close behind him and Yunho following behind.

“Umm, how are you feeling?”

“Fine, obviously.”

“That’s good.”

Junsu turned vehemently to tell Yunho it shouldn’t matter to him how he was feeling but his words got caught in his throat when he saw the genuine looking smile on the man’s face.

Where’s Jaejoong-hyung—“where’s Changmin-sshi anyways?”

“Ahh, he had to return home for a while, his grandmother--”

“No,” Junsu held a hand up. “It’s none of my business, sorry.”

He started unloading the contents of the bag and opened the containers, the food still steaming.

“Did you cook these?” He looked at Yunho who came to uncover the rest.

“No.”

Junsu watched him take some plates and silverware from the kitchen and place them on the table.

“You’ve been here before.”

“Ah, I hope you don’t mind. I thought I should do it. Don’t want you to strain yourself. You’re still recovering and all.”

“I can handle it, thanks.” Junsu sat down and watched Yunho scoop food portions onto his plate for him. This man’s thoughtfulness was too real.

“Why are you doing this? Is it for Jaejoong-hyung?”

Yunho paused from his task and blinked curiously at him. “What do you mean?”

Junsu growled. “I mean, you don’t know me! Why are you here in my apartment making sure I’m well and serving me food?”

Yunho put the serving spoon down and smiled. “You know, I’ve never really thought about it.”

Junsu frowned, completely disarmed. He stared down at the food getting cold in his plate and ate a spoonful of it.

“You’ve seen I’m fine and that I’ve eaten. I think you can leave now.”

He felt Yunho’s eyes on him and the man’s continued gaze prompted him to take a few more spoonfuls. It seemed only once he was satisfied that Yunho moved and walked toward the door.

“I think there’s also some dessert there. Take care, Junsu-sshi. I’ll see myself out.”

And the door shut shortly after.

The food was too good to take his frustration out on. And no one was there to convince him to 'let it go and just eat' anyways. He finished quite a sum of the delivered lunch and still had some room for dessert. He found them in one of the bags and quickly uncovered the sweets.

“Cake,” he was surprised.

He suspected he knew who made it just by looking and after the first bite, he was sure.

“Jaejoong-hyung.”

He looked at the rest of the spread. At the grains of rice left on the side of his plate. It had all been made by him.

Junsu began to wonder about the food Changmin had brought days before. Where those by Jaejoong too?

Junsu placed a slice on another plate and slid it in front of the seat across him. Porcelain scraping against varnished wood.

He began to eat the fluffy and sweet slice while he trained his eyes on the untouched one across from him. Halfway finished, he laughed as the other slice still remained uneaten.

“I’m going crazy.” He chuckled. The icing now tasted bitter.

“I’m going crazy...” More soberly.

“I’m going crazy!” He reached across the table and swiped at the plate. Cake splattered against his hand and on the floor. The plate broke against the tiles.

He sank to his seat and held his tears, gritted his teeth. He swallowed forcefully and wiped the cake bits off his hand using his shirt. Taking deep rasping breaths, he picked himself up and started to clear the table mechanically. Junsu gathered the broken plate shards and threw them into the trash.

About half an hour later, he felt his raw emotions soften at the edges. He had tidied up the room and showered, kept himself occupied.

Wiping the table off of dust and clearing it, he took notice of his phone for the first time. The red light blinked at him, and a large number on the screen beside it told him how many messages he had. He pressed the ‘play’ button and familiar voices rolled off the tape. He continued cleaning as he listened. Some of them hoped he got better, others reminded him of appointments. His assistant listed off a mouthful of things he needed to attend to and some co-stars told him to take it easy, they all understood.

He was two rooms away when all the new messages finished and the old ones began to play.

“Junsu, you’re late. I’ve been waiting for half an hour.”

“Hey! Where are you?”

“Hyung said to bring that large pot you have, he just burned something ugly on ours and it’s useless now—I’m telling him already, calm down it’s just a pot!”

Junsu had dropped the broom when the first message played. He had wanted to move, to run to the machine and stop it, but couldn’t. Instead, he just stood still, frozen at the spot as Yoochun’s voice flooded the space.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…Happy birthday deeeeeeeeeeear Junsu….Hey, how old are you turning again? Let’s see, you were twenty how many years ago? So, thirteen?” Laughter. Lots of laughter.

“Junsu,” Jaejoong-hyung. “don’t forget to stop by the store to get some snacks. Yoochun says he wants the spicy ones.”

The only messages he didn’t erase. Just because.

Piano keys. “You’re not here right now. How’s filming in Italy? I guess you’ll hear this when you get back.” The song continued to play, accompanied by Yoochun’s soft humming.

Junsu sank to the floor, slowly and surprisingly calm. He let Yoochun’s voice move over him as he leaned against the closest wall. He searched his arms; Nothing but smooth skin. Not one scar from the accident, not one physical memory to tie him with Yoochun.

These messages, his movies, his gifts, their pictures together, and Jaejoong. Yoochun had left him plenty and at the same time, nothing.

Junsu got up, patted dust off his pants, and headed to the living room. He had to finish that movie, had to call his assistant back. His finger hovered over the ‘stop’ button as more of Yoochun’s messages played.

“Junsu, I’m drunk again. Pick me up. I love you, babe.”

And his finger pressed rewind.

“…pick me up. I love you, babe.”

Junsu laughed bitterly.

“Love you too.”

When the director yelled for a break, the entire set stirred into action. Junsu wiped sweat from his forehead and waved his assistant away. All he wanted was to sit somewhere quiet for a while and let his mind wander where it would.

Changmin hadn’t come back yet and Jung Yunho still brought him food despite his protests. But unlike the first time, Yunho didn’t force himself into the apartment to make sure Junsu ate. He just delivered the food with that aggravating smile on his face and left.

Junsu ate Jaejoong’s deliciously cooked food in his dining room as Yoochun’s messages played in his machine.

He walked past the filming staff and headed out of the studio. The sunlight beyond the huge doors looked bright and very inviting. He hastened his steps.

Once he breached the open doors, he was immediately splashed with golden sunlight. He stretched and let the strain of work roll off his shoulders, let the breeze lift his lips into a smile.

“Junsu,” A voice to his left caught his attention and he jumped when he found Jaejoong to be the owner.

“Hyung! What are you--?” The rest of his sentence remained unspoken at the sight of the bags filled with food.

“I thought it’s around your lunch time by now.” Jaejoong offered.

Junsu only nodded dumbly. “Are you here to visit me?”

“And eat with you. That is…If you don’t mind.” There had been a note of fear in his voice. Uncertainty…

“You didn't bring those other meals to me.”

Jaejoong avoided his gaze. “Maybe you didn’t want to see me.”

Tears came to him unbidden and he was suddenly running toward Jaejoong. He embraced the surprised man and felt it returned just as fiercely.

“I would never feel that way!” He yelled. “You’re the only one I have left. You’re the only one.” His voice cracked at the discovery and he clung onto Jaejoong harder. “I thought you…”

Jaejoong shook his head against his.

“We’re a bunch of idiots.” Jaejoong laughed against his ear.

“We are.” He breathed.

Junsu lifted his face to the sky, wishing he was here.

“I love you, babe.”

Thank you for reading. ^~^♥

[FIC] Never Again part 10

2007-12-24T12:02:20Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 10/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Hints of Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09.
AN: I’ve written so many versions of this throughout the past three or four months, with none of them being ‘right’. But here it is finally. Thank you so much for waiting, reading and staying with this story. Enjoy.

“Junsu!” Jaejoong shook the limp body in his arms. “Shit! Don’t do this!”

Jaejoong held Junsu’s face with trembling fingers. He smacked his cheeks lightly and called his name, but got no response.

Jaejoong clenched his teeth to try to control his panicked breathing and swallowed the dread he felt climbing up his throat. Gently, he placed a hand on his friend’s forehead and winced as the cloying heat of a rampant fever licked at his fingertips.

“You idiot” he sobbed, burying his face against Junsu’s hair, “I told you to take care of yourself.”

He gingerly placed Junsu down on the floor and ran to the living room for the phone. Jaejoong dialed the first numbers that came to mind and was relieved when someone had picked up right away.

“Yunho-sshi…”

It took three of them, Jaejoong, Yunho and Changmin, to move Junsu to his apartment. Before Junsu collapsed, he had fought against Jaejoong’s hold on him and repeatedly cried his protest of staying in Jaejoong and Yoochun’s apartment. Jaejoong couldn’t quite understand Junsu’s feelings, but did as his friend had wished.

Jaejoong swung Junsu’s apartment door open and realized that it had been awhile since he visited his friend. That it had only been Junsu who always visited him and never the other way around.

He felt for the light switch at the entrance as Changmin took his place in carrying Junsu. When he found it and flipped it on, no light flooded the room. Switching it on and off, nothing happened. He reigned in his worried thoughts, and instead led Yunho and Changmin to Junsu’s bedroom. Once they had Junsu comfortable on his bed and a wet cloth on his forehead, the three of them convened in Junsu’s dim living room.

Only a trickle of light came through the closed blinds as they groped around for a place to sit. In part darkness, Jaejoong saw that Junsu’s usual pristine place had not been so for a long time. There were piles of something everywhere. Changmin accidentally stepped on several empty things on his quest to find a seat and it looked like Yunho was sitting on a mound of clothes instead of the couch cushion. And still Jaejoong held onto his thoughts, kept them from drowning him. How Junsu was living will be important later. What was most important now was what to do with him.

“Jaejoong-sshi, maybe taking him to the hospital would have been better.” Yunho suggested.

Jaejoong shook his head and uttered, “no,” in case Yunho couldn’t see him. “I’ll just have a doctor come look at him. I’m afraid—I don’t know what will happen if people found out. I just…”

He looked helplessly at his hands and closed them to grab at empty air. He knew he was sitting still, but yet it felt like the world was rocking like a boat, aimless and tired.

He flinched, startled, when Yunho reached out to squeeze his hand.

“Okay, we’ll do that then. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine Jaejoong-sshi. He will be.” There was so much conviction in Yunho’s voice that Jaejoong wanted to believe him.

“Junsu-sshi might be hungry when he wakes up,” Changmin spoke up from his left. “Maybe you can go out and get something for him to eat and some medicine for him to take, while we wait for the doctor.”

Jaejoong looked up. “Yes, yeah, I should have thought of that.” Despite himself, he had let his thoughts get a hold of him. Junsu, he had to take care of Junsu.

“Come on,” Yunho pulled him up to his feet. “I saw a grocery store on the way here. We’ll get some soup for him and something for his fever.”

Even in the dark, Jaejoong could see Yunho’s encouraging smile. He looked back in the direction of Junsu’s bedroom worriedly. “But…”

“I’ll look after him, Jaejoong-sshi, don’t worry.”

“Changmin-sshi…” Jaejoong felt bad. “I’m sorry to have dragged you--”

“Don’t even worry about that,” Changmin was pushing them out of the door. “Don’t ever be sorry about something like that.”

Jaejoong nodded, meeting those same eyes that found him that day under the afternoon sun, listening to piano notes he knew too well, “I’ll try.”

“What does Junsu-sshi like?” Yunho grabbed two cans of soup and held them up for Jaejoong to choose.

Jaejoong looked between the two and down at the ones in his hands, “he likes whatever I feed him.”

Yunho snickered, “easy enough.” He placed the cans he held in the cart, as well as the ones in Jaejoong’s hands.

The grocery store was a little busy. People rushed past them in the aisle, an old song played in the overhead speakers, and the air was filled with the chatter of a handful of conversations going on all at once. Beside him, Yunho, dressed in his crisp and smart business suit, browsed through the selection of soup cans. He looked different from what Jaejoong had become used to. Jaejoong was used to the t-shirts and wet pant-hems from watering the apartment plants. He was used to Yunho’s hair being just-rolled-off-the-bed-messy instead of this finely combed and styled look.

Jaejoong sighed and placed the can back on the shelf, giving up trying to read the label. He smiled up at Yunho. “Sorry, you must have been busy at work.”

“Hey,” Yunho raised a stern finger, “what did Changmin say about being like that.”

Jaejoong grabbed Yunho’s finger and pushed it aside, but didn’t let go. “I’m relying on you too much,” He admitted.

Before he had dialed Yunho’s number, Jaejoong had thought of taking care of Junsu by himself. That it would have been his way of doing things. That he didn’t want anymore pitying gazes directed at them, that there had been no one they needed. And yet…

Yunho squeezed his hand and pulled him to move a step closer. “Rely all you want, Jaejoong-sshi. I don’t…We don’t mind.”

Jaejoong met Yunho’s gentle gaze and could only nod.

“Now, come on. We need to get some medicine for Junsu-sshi.” Yunho took hold of the cart and pushed it toward the medicine aisle. They took as much as they needed and quickly made their way to the check-out line.

He had left Yunho by the register as their purchases got scanned, because Jaejoong had to run back to the juice aisle to get Junsu’s favorite drink. On his way back, drink in hand, he saw Yunho at the distance and was about to call him when a camera flashed in Jaejoong’s right. He froze, gripped the bottle in his hand, and turned. His breath hitched at the small crowd that had gathered around him. He had been so lost in his thoughts…

“Hey! It's Kim Jaejoong!”

A wave of wonder moved through the crowd and fingers started pointing. The roll of excited emotion hit him. Jaejoong took a deep breath.

“Kim Jaejoong-sshi!”

“Kim Jaejoong-sshi, please!” Papers and pens had suddenly appeared from all directions and were waved in front of him. He nodded in acknowledgment to their calls and cheers and automatically started to sign the closest sheets to him. The crowd got noticeably larger by the second and some begun to push to get closer to him. His arm got jostled a bit and he wanted to apologize for the wobbly signature, but another piece of paper was shoved in front of him.

“Kim Jaejoong-sshi, where have you been?”, started it.

“Kim Jaejoong-sshi! I’m so sorry for your loss. We loved him too.”

“We miss him. I hope you’re doing well.”

“Yeah, I wish he never agreed to do that movie!” Someone yelled from his left.

Jaejoong flinched. He tried to look around, but couldn’t see past the sad, excited, hopeful, and concerned faces. He had lost Yunho somewhere—he signed the flypaper of a book—there was a flash from a camera in front of him.

“Are you still going to film that movie, Jaejoong-sshi?”

“I…” He couldn’t hear himself in all the noise that had risen. He couldn’t think—he had forgotten that beyond that apartment, beyond Yoochun, beyond Yunho and Changmin, the world still existed.

“Jaejoong-sshi, you should finish the movie for him! He’d like that.”

His heart hurt.

“Alright, thank you everyone, but that will be all.” A commanding voice broke through the excited racket and in turn, broke through his shocked mind. It was only when he looked up that he realized the voice had been Yunho’s.

Yunho in his crisp business suit had donned a pair of dark shades as well as an attitude that was both serious and intimidating. Determined, he began to part the crowd and make his way toward Jaejoong. The air around Jaejoong began to clear as people started to step back and unlatch. However, even in the thinning crowd there were still a few who waved their sheets of paper insistently, asking for that little piece of him before he left.

He felt it when Yunho had reached him. The press of familiarity uncurled his fingers that had been gripping the pen too tight. He felt the strings attached to his body that was being pulled by the crowd, relax and give. When Yunho’s arm went around him to draw him close, Jaejoong began to breathe again.

Together, they pushed through the throng of fans. Yunho thanked them for their concern and support, his eyes intent on the edge of crowd. When they finally broke past, Yunho grabbed their bag of groceries he left at the register, and they hurried outside to the car.

Only when they were a few blocks away from the store, at a red light, did Yunho turn toward him.

“You okay?”

Jaejoong drew his fist close and slammed it against the side door with force. It hurt and it made the crease in-between Yunho’s eyebrows deeper, but anger was better than breaking down again. Better than breaking down and collecting his scattered pieces, and wondering if he could at all.

In the buzzing in his mind he heard, “Don’t I make a great bodyguard? You should hire me.” There was an encouraging grin in Yunho’s voice.

A laugh broke past Jaejoong’s lips. It was a little bitter, but the next one that rolled out was less so.

“Yeah. Yeah, you did.” He smiled gratefully.

The lights turned green.

Back at Junsu’s apartment, Changmin opened the door at their knock.

“He woke up earlier, just for a bit, and slipped off again.” He informed them.

Jaejoong placed the bags down on the only space available in the cluttered tabletop. “Did he say anything?”

Changmin looked toward the bedroom door, “yeah, just some things.” And then he frowned at Jaejoong. “You don’t look good, you should rest.”

“I--” Before he could protest, Yunho was already pushing him toward the couch.

“Changmin’s right, you rest and we’ll cook something for Junsu-shii, and something for you too. Have you eaten?”

“No,” Jaejoong realized. No, he hasn’t.

“Ahhh!” Changmin pointed and gave a dramatic cry. He threw his arm across his eyes and said tragically, “He hasn’t!? But breakfast is the most important meal of the day!”

Yunho snickered. “Yes, real tragic. Come on, let’s make something for him to eat.

“But!” Jaejoong began to stand.

“Stay!” Both of them pointed for him to remain seated. Once they were sure he wasn’t going anywhere, they disappeared into the kitchen.

Jaejoong could only shake his head.

It was lighter in the apartment now and the fan overhead turned diligently to clear the musty air. Changmin had moved the boxes that had piled up in front of the windows and drawn open the blinds. Other than that, it appeared nothing else had been touched. He smiled at Changmin’s thoughtfulness.

He heard them in the kitchen, heard the pots being placed on the stove-top and the faucet being turned on and twisted off. He listened to the light footfalls against the tiles and to their friendly banter.

The sounds they made sounded better than what would have been the sounds he made if he had followed through in dealing with this ordeal alone.

Not wanting to be thinking anymore, he grabbed a plastic bag from Junsu’s closet and once more took a good look around. He began to pick up and throw away things left to clutter the often pristine place. Old newspapers were piled up on the groaning center-table; its legs seeming to shake from the load. Take-out boxes, with ornate logos and witty messages on their sauce-splattered lids, hid the dining table, while sheets of dust covered any other visible surface. There was a mountain of clothing where the couch used to be and from the groove in the middle, it appeared Junsu had been sleeping there.

Jaejoong imagined Junsu coming home, too exhausted from work, kicking off his shoes and draping his jacket on anything that would take it. Only to crash onto the couch filled with unlaundered clothing. He wondered if his friend even slept. From the collection of used coffee mugs beside the tower of old newspaper, it seemed unlikely.

He shook his head to clear it and held the garbage bag at the ready. Determined to clean up the place, Jaejoong reached for the first layer of newspaper in front of him. But the front page caught his attention--Yoochun smiled up at him--and he forgot all about cleaning again. In bold attention-grabbing print, the headline announced Yoochun’s death; the shock, the tragedy, the waste of a talented and much loved young man.

Jaejoong placed the garbage bag down and flipped through the rest of the newspaper pile. Some articles highlighted the people that were affected by the loss, a few announced memorials and the funeral date. While other newspapers asked about him, (‘Kim Jaejoong-sshi, Park Yoochun’s closest friend and family’). They discussed, insinuated and conceived answers to try to solve his baffling disappearance.

‘Kim Jaejoong-sshi where have you been?’ That lady at the grocery store had asked.

Flipping through the worn sheets, he saw pictures of Yoochun’s funeral. In colored ink he saw black cars, crying people and white faultless lilies. It had been a sunny day, golden, barely a cloud in the sky. Thinking back, he couldn’t even recall where he had been that day. Had it been that day he watched a movie alone in an empty, smoky theater? Or had it been that day he slept in that hotel room. Where the sheets had been rough on his cheeks, and smelled like other people beneath its fabric softener surface.

He returned the papers to the pile, while his gaze wandered across the rest of the table’s surface.

Documents covered the tabletop. Trapped under used coffee mugs, their edges fluttered and were teased by the breeze from the overhead fan. He stilled one fluttering edge to read what the document contained and moved on to the next, and then to the next. Every single one, every sheet pertained to Yoochun’s death and to things that came after. Strewn across the table were documents for special arrangements, certificates, and official reports. There were also letters of well-wishes, each seeming to be written on the fabric of the person’s grief and the words etched with inks made of their tears.

Gently, he moved some of the letters aside as another document caught his eyes. He pulled it from the pile and traced a fingertip along Junsu’s lone signature--every rise, dip and curve of it and up until the very last flick of the wrist--on the printed line.

Realization hit him, of what Junsu had gone through without him. Of what he, standing by Junsu’s side, bearing everything with Junsu, should have gone through. And all of this, all these documents…

He held the paper up to the light and it shone a faint yellow and the ink that held Yoochun’s name and his birth-date right beside his death-date became even more pronounced and heavy with finality.

Bowing his head, he let the paper slip from his fingers. There was a sort of pounding. Every turn the fan overhead made reminded him of the feeling. It felt almost like a gust of wind blew too swift and too strong against his ears. He was suddenly reminded of midnight drives, with the windows open and Yoochun in the driver’s seat, singing along to the crackling radio. In this memory, Jaejoong began to sing along too. He turned toward Yoochun just as a truck coming from the other direction passed them by. A wash of searing light enveloped Yoochun’s form, whiting out his face. And the heavy, blowing sound grew stronger. He could barely hear the memory of Yoochun’s song now as the sound beat like large wings…like cloth caught in the roaring wind against his ears.

“Jae—hyung—”

Jaejoong gasped for breath and looked around. He expected to see the interior of Yoochun’s car but found he was in Junsu’s living room instead. He steadied himself against the arm of the couch and tried to fight the sickness he felt rising up his throat.

Today, felt like being in a rocking boat in the middle of the endless sea, without paddles or an anchor. Sometimes there would be a break in the dark clouds that hovered above him and golden light would shine down on him and lift his spirits. And immediately after, the seas would turn tumultuous and angry. And then there would be more patches of sunlight and just as easily, another storm would hit.

He felt sick.

Jaejoong walked toward the window, where he was drenched by noon-light and tried to be calmed by its warmth on his skin.

He heard Yunho laugh from the kitchen and held onto that sound.

‘That Jung Yunho. He makes you smile right? It’s better isn’t it? To be happy and not be sad all the time and cry at every little thing that reminds you of Yoochun-hyung!?’

Jaejoong shook his head. “I’m tired of crying, Junsu-yah.” He whispered as he rested his cheeks against the sun-warmed glass. And happiness was something he’d long forgotten the feeling of.

So what now?

“Soup, Jaejoong-sshi?”

He turned at the voice and thoughtfully leaned against the glass. Yunho held out a tray, on it a steaming bowl of soup and a glass of juice. Behind him, he saw Changmin enter Junsu’s room with another tray.

In the sunlight, Jaejoong wondered if Yunho could read his expression: grateful, sorry, confused, and afraid. Could Yunho feel the sodden wood beneath his fingertips as he once again stilled the rocking of the boat?

TBC~

Thank you for reading! ^~^

[FIC] Welcome ChyoLa and Shyong ah

2007-10-04T08:36:54Z

Title: Welcome ChyoLa and Shyong ah
Pairing: Jaeho
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ.
AN: This little bunny practically ran the main fic I was working on off the road. It wanted to be written. Inspired by the boys’ new puppies. And they are girls right? I hope so >_>; Please correct me if I'm wrong. And apologies for any errors or roughness. Please enjoy.

“Shyong ah, Shyong ah…” Jaejoong cooed. He rubbed affectionately at the spot just behind the puppy’s ear and smiled with his eyes when it leaned against his touch.

“Shyong ah,” he sighed sweetly, “where have you been all my life?” He nuzzled its nose and gave a surprised laugh when it licked him in return. As he was about to shower it with some more love, the small dog was smoothly stolen from his grasp.

“Ho-kay, that’s enough,” Yunho announced, sounding just a bit miffed, and deposited the squirming bundle of fur on top of a cushion at the far end of the couch.

“Yunho-yah! What are you doing?” Jaejoong protested and moved to reach for the dog when he found his path blocked and hands captured effectively.

Yunho now sat between him and the puppy (who watched them with very large and curious eyes; its chin resting comfortable on the cushion).

The group leader leaned forward very close, just a breath away, “It’s been an hour since you’ve been cuddling that ball of fur. Stop making me jealous.” He ground out.

Jaejoong scoffed, “Idiot,” before he closed the gap between them with his lips.

Yunho reacted at once, as if he’d been waiting for this for some time, and fervently returned the kiss. The dancer freed his hands (a loving squeeze before letting go completely) so that he could wrap his arm around Jaejoong’s waist and grasp the nape of his neck to draw him closer. Yunho’s tongue pushed his mouth open and their tongues met, melded; hot and wet and indulgent. Long fingers massaged the base of his skull as Yunho moved about the couch so that their bodies would press against each other comfortably, seeking…grinding.

Jaejoong wormed his fingers underneath Yunho’s shirt to caress the long expanse of the sculptured back; decisively one of his favorite things about Yunho, among many others. He sighed and melted against the couch when Yunho released the kiss only to move warm lips to map his face with tiny kisses accompanied by little nips and as they traveled down to his neck, with open-mouthed worship.

Yunho’s hand began to travel downward as well. Gorgeous fingers pushed aside his shirt to reach in-between his legs. At the nudge, Jaejoong spread his legs a little wider and pressed up against the hand.

“Jaejoongah,” Yunho whispered moistly against the dip between his collar bones.

Jaejoong held Yunho closer, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, as sure fingers began to move between his legs, in long, giving strokes and as hot lips drew more sounds from him.

He was about to return the favor when he happened to look over Yunho’s shoulder. He caught sight of the puppy and immediately froze.

“Shyong-ah!”

Yunho stopped mid-stroke and looked at him. “That’s not very sexy, Jaejoongah.” He frowned.

“No!” He pushed Yunho away, kinda hard to do when the other’s hand was still down in his pants. “I mean, Shyong ah! She’s watching us!”

Yunho’s jaw dropped. “What?!” His eyes widened in realization.

They stared at the pup; It tilted its head.

“This…” Yunho gulped. “Shouldn’t matter. It’s just a dog.”

Silence.

“You’re right,” Jaejoong nodded his head slowly. He was still caught by the dog’s penetrating gaze. “Yeah, just a dog.” He agreed eventually.

They turned away from the dog and faced each other once more. Yunho snickered nervously before giving him a chaste kiss. And then another and one more before Jaejoong caught Yunho’s bottom lip and began to suck on and nip at it. He moved his tongue across the abused lip before meeting Yunho’s tongue once more. They were just getting back to the rhythm of things when Yunho groaned (and not in the way Jaejoong wanted) and ended the kiss. The group leader buried his face against Jaejoong’s neck and gave a defeated whimper.

“Is she still watching?” He asked, but probably already knew the answer.

Jaejoong sighed. He had also been trying not to think about it, but it was just, “God, so weird.” He groaned and looked over. “Yeah, she still is.”

Jaejoong scowled darkly and then was instantly sorry when it wagged its little tail. So he just pouted. Dammit.

“Well,” Yunho said after a while. “We can always move her.”

Gazing intently into each other’s eyes, they considered it. Then they turned back to the puppy.

“But she looks so comfortable there. I mean, it’s not her fault…Just because we…No, it’s unfair.” Jaejoong reasoned. This was not going well.

Yunho’s shoulders fell. “I can’t believe this.” He looked at Jaejoong with obvious need in his eyes and then at the dog behind him. “Then, how about,” He looked toward the bedroom, “we move?”

Jaejoong smiled in defeat. “I guess.”

Nodding in agreement, they got off the couch and practically ran to the bedroom. Once inside, they firmly shut the door. Not that there was any chance of the dog following them in there, but just in case.

He twisted the lock close and still had his hand on the knob when Yunho hugged him from behind and pulled him against his solid chest.

“Stupid dog,” Yunho growled against Jaejoong’s ear and nipped at the lobe affectionately.

“Not her fault,” Jaejoong gasped. That was a sensitive spot.

He turned in the singer’s embrace, pressed his body against him and captured those lips he could never resist.

Yunho grabbed his ass and pulled him closer, moving in just the right way Jaejoong loved. They began to move toward the beds. Their bare feet stumbled and their pant hems whispered across the floor. Once the back of his knees collided with the mattress, he let himself fall backwards, taking Yunho with him.

The sheets smelled like Changmin (like that cologne Junsu got for him) so they must have landed on Changmin’s bed. Changmin will forgive them, was his very last thought before Yunho captured his lips and everything became raw and focused and the world only consisted of him and Yunho.

A while later, “Yunho-yah…” Jaejoong murmured against Yunho’s neck.

“Mmm?” Yunho hummed sleepily in return.

Jaejoong kissed the salty skin beneath his lips and smiled. “Where have you been all my life?”

Yunho sniggered at those same words he had directed toward the pup earlier. But instead of receiving some sappy answer Yunho had a talent for, Jaejoong was jolted out of his semi-asleep and sated state. Yunho sat up suddenly and Jaejoong’s face landed on the mattress not-so-nicely.

“What the hell?--oww,” He rubbed at his nose and frowned at the look of panic on Yunho’s face. “What is it?”

Yunho only lifted his hand and pointed to the bed beside them. Jaejoong rolled over so he could see what had Yunho unnerved…and “--oh, shit.”

On Yoochun’s bed, affectionately covered (now partly covered) in warm sheets by its owner before he had left with the other members to watch a movie, was Chyola. It gave a little bark and Jaejoong and Yunho’s faces fell.

“Did we just--”

“Yeah, in front of the dog--” Jaejoong gulped.

“Yoochun’s dog,” Yunho shuddered.

Jaejoong sat up and turned Yunho’s face toward him. “Yoochun must never know!” Yoochun would destroy them.

“You think?” Yunho replied, still looking a bit pale.

Chyola gave a cheery bark.

A couple of hours later:

"How was the movie?" Jaejoong asked Junsu.

"Meh." Junsu shrugged. "Could have been better."

"Uh huh," Yoochun agreed.

"Hey," Changmin said as he entered the living room. "If you're planning to do the dirty on someone else's bed, the least you could have done was change the sheets." He scowled pointedly at Yunho and him as he passed by, said sheets in his arms.

Junsu snickered.

Yoochun snickered,"--wait, what?"

"Run." Yunho hissed. Jaejoong was way ahead of him.

"You're both dead!" Yoochun growled, hot on their tails.

-End

AN: ahdkfjad~ was supposed to be working on Never Again 10! I blame the puppies (omgsocuteIdie) and Jaeho! XD Thanks for reading! *salute*

[FIC] Never Again part 9

2007-08-27T13:57:09Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 9/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Hints of Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Junsu woke to the sound of distant piano keys; muffled, as if behind paper screens or from the ear of the telephone. He would get all the way to the living room, smiling, ready to receive Yoochun’s often very late phone calls…

‘I couldn’t sleep. Can I play you something?’

Before he remembered Yoochun was gone.

“Junsu?”

Junsu snapped out of his daze and turned toward Jaejoong. He grimaced a little at the worried crease in between his friend’s eyebrows.

“You alright? I called you several times.”

“Yeah,” he replied, not quite meeting Jaejoong’s eyes. Junsu turned away and returned his attention to the dish he held in his hand.

“I’m just a little tired.” He confessed.

Jaejoong laid a hand on his shoulder; a welcome weight. “Maybe you shouldn’t have returned to work so early. This is your first break in weeks.”

Junsu shrugged and set the plate on the drying rack.

Almost four months had passed since Yoochun...

During which he had spent awake and working so that he had something to do with the time. Almost four months of looking down at his hands and at Jaejoong and expecting to see right through them. (Because it felt like he and Jaejoong faded a little more after every new day separated them from the last day Yoochun had lived).

Almost four months of piano notes in his ears, of distant laughter like ocean spray, and of feeling a chill every time a breeze blew through the hole in his chest, because Yoochun took something with him that Junsu may have needed.

He longed for normality, but had come to accept that such a thought was more foolish than picking up the telephone at night and expecting Yoochun to be on the other end.

“The show must go on, Jaejoong-hyung,” Junsu finally replied with another dismissive shrug at Jaejoong’s expectant silence. He squeezed the sponge in mild frustration as he hadn’t meant to sound so defeated.

For a second, Jaejoong didn’t say anything, and then he wound his arm around Junsu’s waist and pulled Junsu into an embrace. Junsu dropped the sponge and held Jaejoong in return. His hand left wet finger-trails on Jaejoong’s shirt and skin. Tiny bubbly beads soaked into Jaejoong’s dark hair and ran down the nape of his neck. Junsu squeezed his eyes shut and breathed deeply.

Jaejoong felt like Yoochun in his arms. As if all those years spent together had engraved Yoochun onto him.

“Just don’t work that hard, alright?” Jaejoong asked against Junsu’s shoulder. “Because you know, not even all the make-up in the world could cover up that much exhaustion.”

Junsu chuckled softly and he felt Jaejoong smile. “I know. Thanks for worrying.”

Jaejoong pulled away from the hug and smacked Junsu’s shoulder. “Don’t give me that shit. Just do as I tell you!”

Junsu laughed and nodded in defeat. He would agree to anything Jaejoong asked of him with that smile, especially to the strained ones.

“Now finish the dishes so you can shower and go to bed.” Jaejoong said, using his chin to point at the dishes in front of Junsu.

At this, Junsu protested, “No, Jaejoong-hyung, it’s okay. I’m not that tired, I can still drive home.”

But it seems Jaejoong hadn't heard him, or had ignored him altogether. Junsu watched his friend cross into the living room to take his usual seat. Jaejoong turned on the television and started to flip through channels. Bright light splashed against his profile as he sat back to watch the moving figures in the box and the sound of recorded laughter soon filled the room.

Junsu lowered his eyes and returned to his task. He wondered if he also held such a lonely silhouette when he was alone in his own living room late at night.

There had been a time when Yoochun and Jaejoong had asked him to move in with them. Plenty of times, in fact. They asked every time Junsu had to return home well past midnight or when they thought he wasn’t eating right and should have someone to cook for him when he was too tired to take care of himself. But he simply laughed the offers off and promised he would eventually. But he never did and had long since given up on wondering why. And now it was different. He wouldn’t be able to live here if he was asked just once more.

Junsu washed the suds off several spoons. Here, the sound of piano keys would be deafening.

“…And cut!” The director yelled. “We’ll take a break and then move onto the next scene. Good work!”

Junsu released himself from his role as he exhaled deeply. He rolled his shoulders and winced at the rock of fatigue that had settled there. As he removed his coat, an assistant was immediately by his side to take it and to hand him something warm to drink for his throat. Fighting a cough, he nodded to the list she read him (messages, notes and appointments) as they walked away from the set. He confirmed a few of them and told her to take a break too just before he detached himself from the crowd. A short walk away from the site offered him a vacant clearing and a bench under a shady tree. He walked toward it and breathed in the silence.

It was still early in the day and yet he already felt exhaustion gripping at his ankles as if he’d been carrying weights across sand all morning. He examined the weathered seat and finally succumbed to the pull of gravity. As his eyes surveyed the quiet scenery he picked at the bench’s peeling paint and let his mind wander.

His thoughts came back to this morning, as well as the other times he had invited Jaejoong to visit him at work. At how Jaejoong had always refused his offer and Junsu was always left to think that maybe it was too soon for his friend. He hadn’t asked again, but he still wished Jaejoong would agree one of these days. So that it would be just like old times, when they would visit each other at work whenever their schedules allowed it. And then Junsu thought, as he looked back at the movie set, that Jaejoong, just like him, would appreciate a place that was filled with Yoochun. Yoochun had loved acting and he had loved to entertain. He found Yoochun here. And so would Jaejoong if he gave it a chance.

But to his surprise, Jaejoong had shied away from the idea of work, from the sight of cameras and giant lights. He simply shook his head and refused the scripts that had piled up and the interviews the public had wanted to see.

Junsu looked to the distance where trailers were parked, felt the thick make-up on his face and slid his hand across the crisp fabric of his costume.

Lately, it had been difficult to understand Jaejoong.

Junsu sighed. If only Jaejoong would come. Yoochun was waiting for him here.

The shrill sound of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. He reached into his pocket and smiled when he saw the caller’s name across the tiny screen.

“Jaejoong-hyung! Perfect! I was just thinking about—Lunch? No, I think I’ll be here all afternoon. Yeah, dinner may be doable. Okay, I’ll see you then. But I was just thinking—alright, later then. ‘Bye.”

He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a long time.

“Dinner with friends?” Curiosity knitted his eyebrows.

He wondered which friends Jaejoong had referred to, as Jaejoong barely spoke to anyone anymore. Always avoiding phone calls and keeping conversations short with those lucky enough to catch a minute with him.

“Kim Junsu-sshi, it’s time!” His assistant waved as she rushed forward.

He acknowledged her call and filed away his thoughts for later. He pulled at his unzipped persona and slipped it back on easily as his feet returned him to the set and back to Yoochun.

The bookstore had always been his refuge in between work and whatever lay beyond after work. Here, under the protection of his baseball cap, he can peruse the aisles freely and run his fingers across titles he had yet to read without being bothered.

Junsu crouched down and grabbed a book from a shelf.

Today, Yoochun would not be able to meet him here. However, that was alright, because this place was also filled with Yoochun.

But despite that solemn acceptance, the blanket of sadness that had been hovering above him for awhile now easily settled itself around his shoulders. Filming had left him tired and empty and he just didn’t have enough energy to shake the feeling off. He turned and sat against the bookshelf, disturbing it a little, and with his legs stretched in front of him, he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to hold him.

“Excuse me,” Someone was shaking him. “Umm, hello?”

Groggily, Junsu opened his eyes. He was disoriented for a moment and could not remember where he was. He looked around and saw shelved books, well-trodden carpet and the guy who had shaken him awake.

“Sorry, to have disturbed you, but I really need that book.” The guy pointed to the shelves he rested his back on.

“Oh! Sorry!” he was awake now and he immediately scooted out of the way.

“Well, I don’t really need it, need it.” The guy grinned, it was an open expression. “I just thought it would be nice to have something to read while I waited.”

“Oh.” Junsu stared as the guy flipped through the book. If that had been his only reason, then why did it have to be the book he happened to be sleeping against?

“This is the last book of a series, you know? I can’t believe I’ve completely forgotten about it.”

Junsu nodded vaguely as he checked his watch to see how long he had been sleeping. It had barely been ten minutes and yet it felt like hours had passed.

“Have you read it?”

“Huh?” he turned back to the guy crouching before him and then looked at the book he carried. The cover appeared familiar and with a sinking feeling, he realized why. It was the same book that was left dog-eared and unopened on top of Jaejoong and Yoochun’s table in their apartment. It was one of the books Yoochun had yet to…would never finish.

“No,” he said softly, “but a friend of mine has it.”

“Hmmm.” The stranger flipped through the book again. “Did your friend finish it yet? I’m hoping for a happy ending.”

Junsu shook his head automatically, not knowing why he was still there, talking to a complete stranger. But he didn’t get up to leave. Instead, he got another copy from behind him and held the book reverently, dearly.

“I don’t know how it ends.” He admitted. Yoochun had told him about the story once. Over two cups of hot chocolate and with the warmth of studio lights against their backs.

‘…so at the end he couldn’t find the other guy but figured he was alright ‘cuz he could take care of himself. And he had his own journey to finish, right? I mean if he doesn’t find that healer soon--’

‘so wait,’ Junsu interrupted Yoochun, which the other took as an opportunity to steal some whipped-cream off Junsu's cup. ‘—hey!’ he held his drink against him protectively to prevent anymore whipped-cream stealing. ‘Okay, so he doesn’t even know if his friend’s alright or not?’

‘Well, technically, they’re not really friends yet, but you know they care about the other…well, eventually they’ll be friends. But yeah, I think he trusts the other guy not to die on him, I mean, he still owed him a new sword after he lost it saving him from that dragon and all…’

“What happened to his friend?” Junsu suddenly found himself asking the stranger. It felt…it seemed important to know.

“His friend?” The other guy tilted his head to the side.

“Um,” Junsu gestured his hand about, suddenly excited. “the guy he saved from the dragon.”

“Oh! Hmmm…I figured they would meet again.” The guy flipped through the book. “Yeah…” And then he looked at Junsu, not quite meeting his eyes because of the baseball cap, but his gaze seemed penetrating enough.

“Why don’t you read it?”

Junsu shook his head slowly. “No, I…”

“Why not?”

“Because…” Yoochun was supposed to tell me what happened next, he thought.

And then, “Yeah, maybe I will.” He said decisively as he looked down at the book in his hands.

“Changminah! Where are you? We have to go!” At the call, the other stood suddenly and waved to someone Junsu couldn’t see.

“I’ve got to go. Um, read it! It’s really good.” He recommended, holding up the book as he briskly walked away.

Junsu lowered his hand from a wave cut short and looked behind him for the other books belonging to the series. He would read these first and then maybe, if he could will himself to do it, he could read the rest of the last book to Yoochun. From exactly where he had left of.

‘You know what I think?’ Yoochun had said out of the blue a couple of days afterwards, ‘I think that guy he saved is the healer, and the healer doesn’t know the main character is the one his village needed.’

‘How’d you figure that?’ He had asked, moving his face forward as Yoochun brushed some whipped-cream off his chin.

Yoochun smiled knowingly, ‘Because…’

“That’s how happy endings go.” Junsu quoted and smiled tenderly.

To his surprise…

“Shim Changmin, nice to finally meet you.”

Junsu met the stranger (he had spoken to at the bookstore) again. He shook the stranger’s, Changmin’s hand and wondered whether Changmin had known it wasn’t their first meeting. But before he could ask, Jaejoong had pointed to the guy beside Changmin and introduced him.

“This is Jung Yunho-sshi,”

“Nice to meet you, Kim Junsu-sshi.” He held out his hand to Junsu.

Yunho’s grip was firm and Junsu tried not to look as lost as he felt.

They were ushered to a table Jaejoong had booked ahead of time. As they passed several tables, gazes fell upon them, surely recognizing who they were. Walking across the length of the dimly lit room, an archway led them to a more open space. Their table was outside, a little secluded from the rest of the restaurant and overlooked a scene of the brightly lit urban night. A tiny breeze played with the flames of the candles in the middle of their table and the light reflected off the glass of their drinks and the silver of their spoons. It felt intimate.

Junsu sat between Jaejoong and Yunho, and Changmin (resting the napkin on his lap) sat in front of him.

“I’m glad you guys could make it.” Jaejoong said looking like he meant it.

“We almost didn’t. I’ve forgotten how busy the city could be.” Yunho replied beside him.

Jaejoong chuckled, “Yeah, really different isn’t it? I kinda miss the silence of the apartments.”

Yunho smiled, the candlelight making it seem that much softer.

Junsu looked from Jaejoong to Yunho, a question at the tip of his tongue, but felt like it was almost rude to interrupt. Something about Jaejoong’s easy manner was setting something off inside of Junsu. Like an ugly-simmering.

“We met Jaejoong-sshi at Yunho-hyung’s apartments. Well his parents owned them, but he was acting landlord at the time.” Changmin’s crisp voice broke past Yunho and Jaejoong’s chatter and was clearly directed at him.

He met Changmin’s gaze, understanding and sharp, as a tiny smile played at the young man’s lips.

“Oh.” He wanted to ask more, but didn’t quite know where to start.

“Ah, sorry Junsuyah,” Jaejoong’s hand squeezed his momentarily. “I was just excited to see them again. I met them when…” And at this, Jaejoong seemed to fail a little at his next words. His eyes looked to the side as if he could find the appropriate words there.

“Around four months ago.” Jaejoong finally said as a way of explanation.

Junsu was doing that nodding thing again. Like he didn’t understand, but was just reacting. Four months ago was when…

Junsu’s gaze found the flickering candle light, in danger of being snuffed out by every lick of the passing breeze.

“Oh.” Again.

Jaejoong found his hand for a second time. Junsu almost pulled away, but caught himself and interlaced his fingers with Jaejoong’s instead. He gave a reassuring squeeze (“I’m okay”) before letting go.

Thankfully someone came to ask if they had decided what they would like and the next few minutes were filled with discussions of what was good and what they would recommend and a bit of Jaejoong encouraging Changmin to order as much as he wanted. Junsu hoped he wasn’t gaping that much by the time Changmin had finished ordering.

When they were alone once again, Changmin tactfully found a subject that seemed safe enough. He told them about the school he would be attending in the city and how he would be staying with Yunho for a bit while he looked for a place of his own.

“Yunho-sshi, you had a place here?” Jaejoong asked as his hair swayed with the passing breeze. Junsu felt as if it wasn’t just the candlelight that caused Jaejoong’s eyes to shine that brightly.

Yunho nodded. “I lived here before my parents asked me to look over the apartments. I almost let it go when I realized it wasn’t just for a month or two that I would be acting as landlord.”

Junsu watched Jaejoong carefully now. It’s been awhile since he’d seen him this animated. “Ah! So you’re living around here again?”

“Eh? Yunho-hyung, did you forget to tell him?”

“I guess I did.” Yunho grinned.

“That’s great!” Jaejoong sat back smiling, as if it was the best news he’d heard in a long time.

Their food came shortly after and in between bites, a lighthearted conversation filled their table. Changmin had immediately pounced on the opportunity to ask Junsu about his latest movie and told him how much he looked forward to it. They discussed a few facts, with Junsu trying not to give as many details away and Changmin and his excited eyes making it very difficult. Beside him, Jaejoong and Yunho talked about people Junsu didn’t know and once in a while joined into his and Changmin’s conversation. There were moments when Junsu felt out of place, but Yunho would rope him back in or Changmin would, and it was hard not to like them.

Jaejoong’s hand would often find his own or his arm or his shoulder. He wondered if it was to reassure him, to tell him he was part of this, or was it for Jaejoong’s own benefit, just like touching base; like an anchor.

At one point, Junsu looked at the scene as if he was outside it. He looked at the smile that kept afloat on Jaejoong’s face and wondered if he moved just a little out of reach so that Jaejoong would touch nothing when he held his hand out…he wondered if Jaejoong would float away. Junsu then turned to Changmin and lastly to Yunho and wondered how they had managed to put that smile there.

He couldn’t quite explain the sort of dark feeling that came over him whenever he saw their easy smiles, but it was getting more dark as time passed and as more smiles and laughter were exchanged.

“…We were almost late because Changmin had wanted to get a book on the way here,” Yunho was saying.

“Oh? Which one?” Jaejoong asked as he wiped his lips with a napkin.

Changmin reached behind him, inside a bag Junsu had only now noticed Changmin had.

“This one,” Changmin showed Jaejoong.

Junsu’s eyes widened and flicked sideways to Jaejoong’s face immediately. To his surprise (and perhaps disappointment), Jaejoong only chuckled softly as he reached for the book.

“Ah, this one. Is it good?”

Junsu frowned.

“Yeah, it is. I've read the other books and had forgotten this was supposed to come out months ago!” Changmin explained excitedly.

“Well, let me know if it’s good or not. I’ve been looking for something good to read.”

Gritting his teeth, Junsu stood abruptly and the contents of their table shook a little.

Yunho reached for a glass quickly, saving it from spilling as Jaejoong and Changmin looked up at Junsu curiously.

“Junsu?” Jaejoong asked concerned.

For a bit, Junsu moved his mouth to try to form words, but nothing came out. He bit his bottom lip and his hands balled into fists at his sides. “Jaejoong-hyung, you…” He tried, but couldn’t find what he really wanted to say. His throat hurt and the way his stomach was rolling suddenly made him wish he hadn’t eaten that much.

Jaejoong made a move to hold Junsu’s hand but Junsu drew away and excused himself. “I’ll be back in a bit.” He tried to smile, but knew he failed when Jaejoong’s frown grew deeper.

He entered the restaurant and found the nearest restroom. It was thankfully vacant and he quickly walked to the sink to splash his face with cold water.

When he felt less dizzy, he looked at his reflection and jumped a little when he found Jaejoong’s as well.

“What’s wrong?”

Junsu reached for a napkin to wipe the water off his face as an excuse not to meet Jaejoong’s gaze. “Nothing.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Junsu hissed, although he didn’t mean to.

Jaejoong’s face revealed nothing. “Avoid me.”

Despite the blossoming pain in his chest, Junsu forced himself to meet Jaejoong’s gaze.

That was Yoochun’s book, Junsu thought, Jaejoong was supposed to say Yoochun had the same book. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“Yes, you are. Don’t you think I’d know if--”

“You don’t know anything!” Junsu snapped, his voice reverberating against the tiled walls.

Jaejoong stepped back, his eyes a little wide with surprise. “Junsuyah…”

Junsu immediately regretted shouting. His head hurt, his body hurt, he was so tired. He pushed his frustrations away and stepped forward to hug Jaejoong fiercely that his elbows and Jaejoong’s back hit the wall. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “…sorry, just forget it. It’s been a long day and…just forget it. Please.”

He held on tighter and felt Jaejoong hold him too.

“’You sure that’s it?” Jaejoong asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

They returned to their table after Junsu had composed himself. The rest of the meal remained pleasant. He acted his part and it wasn’t that difficult as Yunho and Changmin were wonderful conversationalists. When it was time to part, he had realized he quite liked them and would be happy to see them again. And yet as he and Jaejoong watched them walk toward the parking lot, Junsu would not have minded if he never saw them again.

“Jaejoong-hyung, why don’t you watch the filming today? It's the best part of the story.”

Jaejoong reached into the cupboard for the pepper shaker and sprinkled some onto the eggs simmering in the pan.

“Can’t today.” He answered distractedly.

“You busy?” Junsu coughed. His eyes skimmed over the newspaper laid out in front of him. “You don’t have to stay for the entire thing, just drop by. Some people miss you.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Really? But you should see the set, it’s enormous! It’s by the same crew you worked with in--”

“I’d rather not hear about it, Junsu,” Jaejoong moved around the kitchen. He tended to the eggs and then to the toast, as well as the brewing coffee. “How much sugar do you put in yours again?”

“Two.” Junsu paused before asking, “Why not? Don’t you miss it? Another script came for you. I looked at it and it sounds good. Why don’t you give that one a try…”

Jaejoong turned quickly and managed to spill some of the coffee he held in his hands onto his shirt. “Shit.” He put the cups down and sighed heavily.

“Junsu, look, I’m just…Just drop it, okay?”

“Jaejoong-hyung,”

“Drop it.” Jaejoong’s grave tone made Junsu hold back the next thing he was going to say.

With a frustrated huff, Jaejoong left the kitchen, “I’m gonna change. Your breakfast is ready. Eat.” And Junsu was left alone.

He left his seat and got his breakfast, and also mopped up some of the coffee that had spilled on the floor. The food was good, but felt dry in his mouth. He didn’t like that he couldn’t get through to Jaejoong, that Jaejoong wouldn’t even allow him.

“What’s he so busy with that he can’t even visit me at work?” He directed his question to the empty plate placed at the spot Yoochun usually occupied and that made him feel worse.

As he took a sip of coffee, the phone rang. He looked in the direction of the bedroom, but it seemed Jaejoong was still changing. After the second ring he got up and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Jaejoong-shii?” The caller asked.

“No, he’s…” Junsu looked at the archway leading to the bedrooms. “busy. May I know who’s calling?”

“Oh, I’ll just call back later then. This is Jung Yunho.”

Junsu’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll tell him you called.”

“Oh, alright. Thank you--” Junsu hung up the phone. He stared at it, he could still hear Yunho’s pleasant voice floating in the air. It sounded like sunny days and grass swaying in the breeze. He didn’t like it. Faster than he could think, his fingers found the caller’s list and he had deleted the number. The blue light blinked back to dark and the number of callers was reduced.

“What are you doing?”

Junsu turned, his heart jumping at his throat at the little scare. “Nothing,” he stammered.

Jaejoong stood in half-light, making his expression unreadable.

Junsu gripped the phone by his side and realizing too late that he looked guilty trying to hide it, he placed it back in its cradle and tried to walk past Jaejoong, who hadn’t moved yet.

“Junsuyah,” Jaejoong caught his arm as he walked past and Junsu’s stomach churned with guilt. He was a little dazed, a little angry, but he was mostly a lot confused.

“Who called?” Jaejoong turned him so that they faced each other and it felt worse to look at such a soft expression. Jaejoong knew who called and he knew what Junsu had done. He had watched and now he’s asking Junsu to explain why he had done it.

“I don’t know.” Junsu swallowed, and it hurt to swallow a lie; it was sharp and it burned.

The hold Jaejoong had on his arm loosened and then let go, leaving a disappointed bruise only Junsu could feel.

The silence that followed was palpable. He didn’t like it. There had been a lot of things lately that he didn't like.

“Finish your breakfast and don’t be late for work.” Jaejoong moved past him and started to clear the living room. There wasn’t much to clear, so he just sat there and looked out the window.

Junsu didn’t move from his place at the threshold between the dining room and the living room. He could see Jaejoong’s silent reflection off the mirror on the wall, and also the undisturbed book on the table in front of him.

Breathing deeply, he asked what he had wanted to ask ever since that dinner with Jaejoong’s new friends.

“Why didn’t you say Yoochun-hyung had the same book?”

Jaejoong glanced back at him and then at the book on the table, knowing exactly what Junsu was talking about.

“It wasn’t necessary.”

At those words, the anger he felt that night returned, (releasing him from the frozen state Jaejoong’s disappointment had left him in) as well as the frustration and confusion that had been building up ever since Jaejoong’s return. He turned swiftly and faced Jaejoong.

“Why? Because talking about Yoochun-hyung might ruin the occasion?”

Jaejoong’s eyes widened and his mouth opened in wordless inquiry.

“Because you don’t want to be reminded of Yoochun-hyung anymore, right? That’s why you won’t visit me at work, that’s why you refuse to film anymore, right!?” He was shouting. “Because you’d rather leave again and be with those people that make you happy! That Jung Yunho. He makes you smile right? You were smiling so much. You looked so happy. It’s better isn’t it? To be happy and not be sad all the time and cry at every little thing that reminds you of Yoochun-hyung!?”

“Junsuyah--” Jaejoong stood slowly, but didn’t approach him. It looked like he couldn’t say anything else past Junsu’s name.

“Maybe I should stop visiting too. Maybe I’m making you sad.” A tear slid down Junsu’s cheek, he didn’t know what he was saying anymore. He didn’t know what to think anymore.

“Maybe I should have gone with him--”

The dull shine of metal and the smell of rain on asphalt.

‘Junsu let go!’

Yoochun’s slippery fingers.

‘No, just hang on, please! Yoochun-hyung--’

Bending metal and snapping cables.

‘Junsuyah.’ Eyelashes wet with rain. ‘Let go, Junsuyah.’

‘No--’

Yoochun’s slippery fingers.

Junsu backed into the dinner table, his knees buckled under him and he sank to the floor. The hand that had gripped the table’s surface scattered the newspaper all over the place.

Jaejoong ran to him and held Junsu’s face in his hands. He was talking to Junsu, but Junsu couldn’t hear what was being said. His body was hot. All he could hear were piano keys…

‘Can I play you something?’

And feel phantom fingers on his arms letting go, slick with rain.

His eyes dropped to the scattered newspaper on the floor, a picture of Yoochun on the page he had been reading, and all he could think was how nice it would be if the article had ended with, ‘but he was just having a bad dream. Really he’s okay.’

~TBC

Thank you for reading.

[FIC] Never Again part 8

2007-07-07T08:20:35Z

Title: Never Again
Parts: 8/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Hints of Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07.

Jaejoong leaned against the driver’s side door and shuffled the gravel beneath his feet.

The truth was…

A car zoomed by and his car shook from its passing. His body moved with the wind, his hair slapped his cheeks, and he gripped his cell phone harder.

The truth was that he had lied to Yunho’s answering machine, he wasn’t there yet. Not quite. A fork in the road loomed in front of him. One lane will take him to the city, to their apartment, and to Yoochun. And the other will take him back, far away from here.

A bird landed on a nearby shrub and rustled the twigs. At the side of the busy road, it was his only company. He watched it and it looked at him in return.

“It’s sort of hard,” It finally managed to pry out of him. “But I’ve made them wait this long already, right?” It tilted its head left and right, and whether its beady eyes reflected him, it was too far to tell. “I should go.”

At his decisive nod, it braced its weight on the twig and flew away. He followed its tiny body up to the grey sky, until it disappeared and he was alone once more. It probably hadn’t understood a word he said, but its presence still managed to calm him.

Jaejoong took a deep breath, one that shook his body, and he turned, opened his car door and got inside. He started the car and left the side-road that was marked with his clingy hesitation.

Fifteen minutes into the city, he reached for his phone and dialed Junsu’s number. It rang four times before the voicemail picked up. Jaejoong hung up and tried again. This time, after the third ring someone answered.

“…Hello?” He barely recognized the faint voice as Junsu’s. It sounded like stifled candlelight in a dark room. Another mumbled hello convinced him it really was his friend on the other end.

And suddenly he couldn’t find his voice; this was harder than he had thought.

“Jaejoong-hyung?” He could almost see Junsu become aware, eyes searching.

Jaejoong gripped the steering wheel for bravery and then released the breath he had been holding. “Yeah, it’s me.”

There was a pause and he found himself bracing for the worst: for screaming, for accusations, and he hoped not, but also for hatred. But nothing of the sort came, just a startled sob. As if Junsu had been holding something in for a long time and it finally broke through.

“Jaejoong-hyung, I really thought that you too…that you…” Junsu couldn’t continue.

At the sound of Junsu’s quiet relief, a blossom of pain spilled across Jaejoong’s chest. It pooled down his belly, burned up his throat and was sharp around his eyes. He pulled over at the side of the street just as it started to rain. Rapid silver drops spotted his windows. From inside, the rain sounded like shuffling beads, falling over one another, glancing off rounded faces, and whispering things.

Junsu was crying, muttering his fears (the ones that had gripped him since Jaejoong and Yoochun had left) into the phone. His wet words had become incoherent, but once in awhile a word would jump through the holes of Jaejoong's phone and float in the air around him: alone.

Jaejoong rested his forehead against the rain-cooled glass. He told Junsu that he was nearby, that he would be home soon, and that he was alright, but he reserved his apologies for when Junsu was but an arm’s reach. For now, he listened to Junsu and the rain, and wished he hadn’t lingered in that side-road at all; he would have been home by now.

Once Junsu’s cries had settled into a grainy, but controlled speech, he suggested that they meet at the grocery store close to their, his and Yoochun’s, apartment.

“You’ll probably need food.” Junsu said. Jaejoong had found it such an odd thing to worry about, no matter how much sense it made.

He pulled into the grocery store’s parking lot, careful of the people with their plastic bag-filled carts rushing from the shelter of the building to their awaiting cars. He fished around the stuff littering his backseats and managed to find a baseball cap. He figured it would have to do.

Junsu hadn’t been hard to spot. He was the lone figure standing by a shopping cart, his jacket and the hem of his pants a little wet from the rain.

Jaejoong swallowed once and approached his friend. It was in the instance between Junsu turned away unknowingly and turning and recognizing him immediately that Jaejoong realized how much he had missed the sight of him.

Junsu reminded Jaejoong of Yoochun. Just like sandy beaches reminded him of ships, of strawberries and cake, and of smiles and the sun.

“Jaejoong-hyung,” Junsu spoke first.

“Hey,” And Jaejoong moved first. He enveloped his friend into a deep hug. It was warm and smelled of wet cloth and it was filled with trembling and was very sorry.

It felt like he never wanted to let go ever again.

The cart didn’t fill like it usually would. Perhaps, it was because he couldn’t think past the necessities: bread, milk, eggs, meat, and vegetables; But really, it was because the gaps between the necessities weren’t filled in by Yoochun’s favorite snacks. Which were really Jaejoong’s favorites, but had become Yoochun’s because other people’s food tasted better.

They hurried past the checkout before Jaejoong could think any further than those thoughts, and Junsu may have understood, by the speed in which he walked to his car, heedless of the rain.

The distance between the store and the apartment was shorter than he had remembered and suddenly he was standing in front of their apartment door. Junsu stood behind him with a bag in each hand and his heart probably at his throat.

“Jaejoong-hyung?”

Jaejoong nodded and unlocked the door. He expected a whoosh of dusty air, maybe cobwebs, no bats. Instead, it didn’t feel like anyone had died there, just cold and empty.

They moved across the room carefully and maneuvered themselves around the kitchen. Junsu reached into a bag to put things away but, “No, Junsu I think I can handle those.”

Junsu met his gaze and nodded, as a tiny understanding smile pulled at his lips. He spied a few dishes in the sink and naturally started rinsing them. He picked at calcified noodles on a plate and the scent of detergent filled the air.

As he moved, Jaejoong could hear his heartbeat in his ears and felt every pulsing thump at his throat like a bubble he couldn’t swallow. He opened the fridge and unsurprised, found a few things that had gone bad. He moved the trashcan within throwing distance and began to clear the shelves. Behind him he could hear Junsu still scrubbing, the water splashing against metal, ceramic, and flesh.

Jaejoong reached for a jug containing juice of a sickly light-brown color. It used to be an inviting peach hue. A combination of select fruit juices only Yoochun could stomach that Jaejoong never touched but tolerated. The heavier juices had settled at the bottom while the lightest at the top. His fingers curled around the plastic body of the jug, as his ears were suddenly hurting from the hard pounding of his heart. A bead of sweat slid down his temple and he hurled the jug across the room.

“Arghghgh!”

His roar startled Junsu or maybe it was the jug colliding and juice spilling across the counter and floor that made him jump.

“You promised you would finish it!” Jaejoong screamed. “Who’s going to drink this shit now? Who!?”

He spied Yoochun’s favorite cup in Junsu’s hand, grabbed it and threw it. It broke against the floor and the shards flew like falling stars.

“Who!?” His eyes began to water, tears running past his lashes and down his cheeks and down his throat, salty and burning.

“Why did you leave? Why did you have to prove yourself? I told you not to do it. If only…if only…you,” And his rage left him as quickly as it had gripped him, and he didn’t have the strength to stand anymore. He bawled, cried his eyes out, his garbled words were humid and sorry. "I didn't stop him...I didn't..."

Junsu caught him and they sank to the floor. Tears streaked down Junsu’s cheeks, his nose was pink and his mouth was twisted in ugly sorrow.

Jaejoong lifted his hands and wiped the tears away even though his own continued to fall.

“Jaejoong-hyung,” Junsu cried meeting their gazes and then foreheads. “Jaejoong-hyung he left us. Yoochun-hyung left us.”

Jaejoong nodded his head and gritted his teeth. He held Junsu fiercely and let his soul cry.

The stench of acrid juice filled the air, winding with the cries of their loss.

Jaejoong couldn’t enter Yoochun’s bedroom, couldn’t convince himself to do Yoochun’s laundry. In the living room, in the dining room, he didn’t sit in places Yoochun often occupied. He left the book on the center table alone, dog-eared and waiting to be finished. He cooked though, but not Yoochun’s favorite dishes. And when he slept, he expected Yoochun to come barging in, slip into his bed and complain about being too cold when he was the one that had turned up the air-conditioning too high. When he woke up, Jaejoong would do his stretches, shower, and start making breakfast. Sometimes he would make too much for one person and sometimes he would call out to Yoochun to get out of bed and that breakfast was ready.

But most of the time he would stand in front of Yoochun’s bedroom door, touch the knob with his fingertips, and then let his hand drop.

Junsu visited often, but sometimes stayed away. He would call though, and apologize.

“It smells too much like Yoochun-hyung there,” he whispered on the phone and Jaejoong understood; which was why he hardly left the apartment.

Yunho had called once, with Changmin in the background. They talked for over two hours, about the apartments and Changmin getting better at baking. They would pass the phone back and forth. Sometimes it was Yunho he spoke to, and then Changmin. Until someone remembered Yunho had another phone Changmin could use. The three of them laughed just like when they were in Yunho’s kitchen. The sound of Yunho’s voice on the phone was warm and strangely comforting, always concerned. Changmin was as sharp as ever, balancing adorable and devious naturally.

And then on the last five minutes of their two hours, when Changmin had been called away and Jaejoong’s cheek had hurt from too much laughing, Yunho asked, “How are you?”

Jaejoong had fallen silent, and Yunho, “Take care of yourself,” had understood.

After a time, he had braved the media and the public. He hoped to have looked composed and together in front of the many cameras and pity-filled eyes, and Junsu had reassured him he did, but they both knew the truth; that they had looked broken, like a pair who had been a part of three.

One chilly Wednesday morning, Jaejoong finally visited Yoochun’s grave. He traced Yoochun’s name on the tombstone with his gaze, fingers twitching to touch it, but held back. Just as he held back the threatening flow of tears beneath his lids.

“Yoochun-ah,” he said, “don’t go. I know you can do this on your own, but I don’t want you to go. I have a bad feeling about this, so just this once please listen to me." Jaejoong raised his hand as if to hold Yoochun back.

"Why don’t we just wait for the stuntman and if he doesn’t show up, let's just call it a day. Everyone will understand. Everyone would want it this way. Let’s go shopping instead,” his lips began to tremble and his skin felt cold, just like on that day.

“I’ll need some stuff for dinner and you can invite Junsu to join us.” He closed his eyes. “Then after dinner I’ll leave the two of you alone and pretend I’m going to get the cake. He’ll want to help but you’ll keep him there. And then you’ll finally tell him you loved him, always had, and I’ll listen by the door and grin like an idiot because you were made for each other.”

Jaejoong gasped and then his tears began to squeeze past his tightly shut lids, despite his efforts at holding them in. He opened his eyes and his vision was wet and blurry. There was a waiting feeling, a pause for a response. But it would not come, never again.

~TBC

As always, thank you so much for reading.